I've been tired for decades

[Quosque-Tandem]

Hello everybody

First of all, I hope I won't bother you.

It is the first time for me on this forum and I must tell that whatever I do or not, I am absolutely moved by all the kindness you have with each other.
It is the first time for me, I discover here what it is to speak freely about our own departure.

I don't know where to start as I don't want to bother you.

I will spoil the parts concerning the killing methods for those who do not want to watch it yet.

I'm willing for the next three years to plan my departure and I'm absolutly unable to know how to live painless and peacefully. I am absolutely aware that there are probably not painless ways... I tried to read information especially about flowers and apricot pit that may contain cyanide but I am not sure of the effects.
Why the next three years ? My whole life has been decades of thinking I could be dead whenever but never attented anything. I never felt happy, and always wanted to go away for many specific reasons.
Now, situation in Europ is quite anxiogen and I've always been afraid for more than 20 years of a dystopic society which I think we lead more and more to.
Plus my personal problems I do not want to annoy you with.
I am thiry seven years old, I have what we call the "smiling depression", I can spend days laugh like a child and the very next moment, I feel this emptiness that never comes from nowhere, it always come from a specific topic and I am definitely convinced that the whole of our sufferings comes from our socity. Would we suffer the same if we lived in an equal world ? Not even the perfect world, but at least the most bearable world ?
Issues may come from our personal sufferings, of course, it would be unconscious to not realise it but for me it is usually due to our dying society.

Maybe the questions have been asked several times before and I apologize in advance if it is the case and that I didn't get the opportunity to find what I am looking for among all the topics but here are my questions (feel free to tell me if my post is unappropriated and I will immediately delete it, with all the responsibility I have for everybody's benefit.
Is it possible to leave with natural poison like you can find it with some plants ? I do not have barbiturates. And what I read about apricot pits makes me skeptical...
It is sensitive for me to talk about specifice methods but I am sure that if we all do it hre, it is because we may have all reached the point of no return in anything we have tried to feel, not happy, but more peaceful in this world.

This is a long first topic. I am not used in this forum. I just want you to be extremely kind to my message, as all I need now in my life is a tiny sympathy.

Thank you in advance for your attention, even if you don't answer back. And for those who will, thank you very much.

I am willing to talk to some of you, as best as I can

Yours

Quousque Tandem

 

[UnrulyNightmare]

Hi, welcome to Sasu!
You're absolutely not bothering anyone.

I have no idea about natural poisons, so I can't help you there.
I am however intrigued by what you call "smiling depression!" I recognize that very much. Only I do that several times a day. Although maybe it's more of a grimace at times.

Once you post a bit more, you can use the search function to find what you're looking for.

And if you ever just want to chat, my dm's open :)

 

[Forever Sleep]

Welcome to the forum. Like UnrulyNightmare said, you won't be bothering anyone if you want to talk about your worries or queries or anything pretty much. Most people are very kind here.

You could well be right about modern societies and living. It's hard to know for sure since, we maybe don't remember a whole lot else. Still, even my parents feel like the world has changed. People have changed. Become more isolated- maybe a hangover from the pandemic. And I agree, we live such unnatural and unequal lives. Maybe it would be easier to live if we felt like life was fairer.

With regards to natural methods, I don't really know enough. Now and again, people do post about various natural plants and poisons. Not sure I've known anyone here actually use them. Once you've been here a bit longer and made more posts, the search bar will become available so hopefully then, you'll be able to see what's known about these methods. Till then, I hope you find some sollace here.

 

[samsara_96]

Welcome to the forum! Current state of politics, sadly, is really depressing...

On the topic of natural poisons, hemlock should be easily available if you're living in Europe, ME, or NA. The plant looks like parsley when young and it produces umbrella-like white flowers when it grows up. It's a very common plant and its root is where the poison is. I'm sure you've seen it before. I have a dozen sitting around my house (in Turkey). It used to be a popular poison back in ancient Greece. In fact, Socrates' poison was made from Hemlock. However, to make it less painful, you'd need some poppy, wine and some star anise. At least that's how I read in a history book which is written on Greek Medicine. I don't know the correct amounts though because Hemlock was also used as a medicine by Greeks. And, nobody now remembers the correct dosages for death, damage, and cure. If done correctly, it will put you in a peaceful sleep, or so as they say. There is always news in Turkey about kids eating the young plant, thinking it's parsley only to pass away or damage their organs.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of existing here but anyway I wish you all the best.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

Howdy,
I just wanna let you know that sasu is a very understanding community of people you are not at all bothering anyone for sharing this if anything I appreciate your post as it explains things I somtimes can't put into words, those uncontrollable emotions you rolacoster through i understand obviously not completely as I'm not you and it's different for everyone, I feel powerless to myself i donno, but you explained it quite well.
I've personally been consistently struggling with my own state of stability keeping myself functioning enough to not cause much of an alarm for anyone around irl.
As for peaceful methods I'm not the best judge.

 

[Quosque-Tandem]

Guys, I want to thank you sincerely.
I will answer later to each of you but I am really moved by all your kind words