There was a time when I was really suicidal, but nothing I could think of seemed effective enough. I first opted for the classic wine with medications, I remember sitting there on the bench with my pills and bottle of wine and I decided to call a hotline for the laugh before the big journey.
I vividly remember telling the person that I was about to end it all and I was BAFFLED by how the guy didn't seem to care even tho it was his damn job. He was like "Yeah, I see....alright" it was funny even
Since I'm still here you can guess that it failed. So after that I decided to take another approach to it. I wanted to make it seem like an accident, that way there would be no one to blame and my parents wouldn't have to live with the pain and the shame that their kid took his own life
But as the years went by I became impatient. So I took one simple decision, I would end it a 30 years old, that's the time I would give myself. And suddenly, the fact that I knew it would end and HOW it would end, it was something truly liberating. It was like for the first time I was able to just live my life and not be afraid of anything because I wouldn't be there to suffer the consequences or the shame
I never had anyone to talk about this stuff before I found this place thanks to that one video on youtube
Now for the method I decided to go with, it's tricky, if you want to see what it looks like just type "Ecbert's death" on youtube and you'll find it. I don't have the ressources to go for anything else and I don't want a father with his kids to stumble on my corpse while hiking. No one deserves that. I have a few years left, a few years to mentally prepare myself for it and hope I don't hesitate. If I stop midway my arms will be damaged beyond any repair and I'll end up disabled
I vividly remember telling the person that I was about to end it all and I was BAFFLED by how the guy didn't seem to care even tho it was his damn job. He was like "Yeah, I see....alright" it was funny even
Since I'm still here you can guess that it failed. So after that I decided to take another approach to it. I wanted to make it seem like an accident, that way there would be no one to blame and my parents wouldn't have to live with the pain and the shame that their kid took his own life
But as the years went by I became impatient. So I took one simple decision, I would end it a 30 years old, that's the time I would give myself. And suddenly, the fact that I knew it would end and HOW it would end, it was something truly liberating. It was like for the first time I was able to just live my life and not be afraid of anything because I wouldn't be there to suffer the consequences or the shame
I never had anyone to talk about this stuff before I found this place thanks to that one video on youtube
Now for the method I decided to go with, it's tricky, if you want to see what it looks like just type "Ecbert's death" on youtube and you'll find it. I don't have the ressources to go for anything else and I don't want a father with his kids to stumble on my corpse while hiking. No one deserves that. I have a few years left, a few years to mentally prepare myself for it and hope I don't hesitate. If I stop midway my arms will be damaged beyond any repair and I'll end up disabled
