i’ve been stalling and procrastinating on hanging myself for months

[nihilisticmystics]

i've been trying to ctb by hanging multiple times throughout the past few months since april and each time i chicken out and dont go through with it. i can't bring myself to actually do full suspension but it's available for me whenever i want. i just have to work up the courage to actually do it, i'm just scared. i have the rope, i have socks, i tell myself i'm going to do full suspension then i get too scared and go to partial suspension and it fails.

and it sucks that there's no "right time"., i'm just stalling at this point bc i'm scared.

 

[setspiritfree]

You are not the only one. I am trying to get there myself.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

You are not the only one. I am trying to get there myself.

hi, care to share your experiences? i'm here.

 

[itsgone2]

All three of us are in the same boat. Every weekend I say I'm going to. Today being the same. Really no reason for people to check in on me right now. Even if we said we needed a three hour window to not be discovered, I have that l, easy. Yet the same as you two, can't really get close. Everything in place. Just waiting.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

All three of us are in the same boat. Every weekend I say I'm going to. Today being the same. Really no reason for people to check in on me right now. Even if we said we needed a three hour window to not be discovered, I have that l, easy. Yet the same as you two, can't really get close. Everything in place. Just waiting.

for what it's worth, it kind of comforts me knowing you two are going thru the same thing i am. sorry if that's selfish. i'd be down to talk more with you guys., if not that's okay too. sending you love and light always

 

[setspiritfree]

hi, care to share your experiences? i'm here.

Sure, I have my set up ready and am confident it will get the job done when I fully commit. I have found my sweet spot and have gotten to the point where I almost pass out but back out too soon. My throat hurts when I swallow so I have went that far.

I am trying to get just drunk enough to put the rope around my neck. Then I am going to put pressure on the rope and try to make sure I have the padding in the right spot as to where it will press the carotid arteries (pass out feeling as opposed to choking feeling). Once I feel comfortable with that I am going to try and make myself pass out either by something like the choking game or an inhalant like air duster. If that doesn't work, I am going to try and trick myself saying this is just a test and I will stand on my chair or whatever and just try to "accidentally" fall. Like flirting with disaster kind of thing and I hoping I will carry it too far and it will be too late to change my mind. This is to try and over come si.

for what it's worth, it kind of comforts me knowing you two are going thru the same thing i am. sorry if that's selfish. i'd be down to talk more with you guys., if not that's okay too. sending you love and light always

Same here, I am always open to talk and it is not selfish. We don't really have a lot of people to talk to about this. I just replied with some of my crazy ideas although there is a method to my madness.

 

[itsgone2]

It is comforting. I feel no closer to it though

Just couch rotting Daydreaming about it or mind spinning out of control

 

[nihilisticmystics]

It is comforting. I feel no closer to it though

Just couch rotting Daydreaming about it or mind spinning out of control

i keep bedrotting telling myself tonight's the night then i just go to sleep. it's a never ending cycle. i just want to die . i'm sorry you're dealing with this

 

[itsgone2]

i keep bedrotting telling myself tonight's the night then i just go to sleep. it's a never ending cycle. i just want to die . i'm sorry you're dealing with this

I picture it at night too. I don't want night to come as I know I won't do it, then tomorrow is just closer. Cycle repeats. I hate this.

Sure, I have my set up ready and am confident it will get the job done when I fully commit. I have found my sweet spot and have gotten to the point where I almost pass out but back out too soon. My throat hurts when I swallow so I have went that far.

I am trying to get just drunk enough to put the rope around my neck. Then I am going to put pressure on the rope and try to make sure I have the padding in the right spot as to where it will press the carotid arteries (pass out feeling as opposed to choking feeling). Once I feel comfortable with that I am going to try and make myself pass out either by something like the choking game or an inhalant like air duster. If that doesn't work, I am going to try and trick myself saying this is just a test and I will stand on my chair or whatever and just try to "accidentally" fall. Like flirting with disaster kind of thing and I hoping I will carry it too far and it will be too late to change my mind. This is to try and over come si.

Same here, I am always open to talk and it is not selfish. We don't really have a lot of people to talk to about this. I just replied with some of my crazy ideas although there is a method to my madness.

All good ideas. At least you're trying to think of something. I'm just waiting to crack or something. Feels like it will never happen but no one can just live like this

 

[peewee]

going through the same :/ i feel like im doing something 'wrong' and feel guilty but also i just want to go
I keep hanging in because I think my ex who got me kicked out my community will finally stop ignoring me, they know Im suicidal becuase they isolated me. But they just continue to ignore me. I could easily ctb already and they woudn't know or care apparently. i cant handle it. it makes me want to ctb even more

 

[Terrible_Life_99]

i've been trying to ctb by hanging multiple times throughout the past few months since april and each time i chicken out and dont go through with it. i can't bring myself to actually do full suspension but it's available for me whenever i want. i just have to work up the courage to actually do it, i'm just scared. i have the rope, i have socks, i tell myself i'm going to do full suspension then i get too scared and go to partial suspension and it fails.

and it sucks that there's no "right time"., i'm just stalling at this point bc i'm scared.

I also find it frustratingly difficult to just finally end my terrible life and stop all the pain by hanging myself.
I think alcohol will make it possible. I've tried rationality by writing a lot about my reasons or going for a walk and having a clear mind and it all brought me every time to same conclusion that i MUST ctb but unfortunately i'm
Still here so therefore on my day i'll just force myself to do it knowing full well its the only right decision.

 

[hell toupee]

I feel the same, and it's for that reason I have stopped trying to set a hard date to CTB, because in the past I would say "ok, I'm going to do this on Sunday night". Then Sunday night rolls around and I think I'll do it tomorrow, etc.

I have stopped trying to do that so as not to cause myself anxiety of "having" to do it. Instead, I've left it up to doing it spontaneously, because I do have times where I think, ok, let's just get it over with.

Hanging is my backup method if my primary method doesn't work. I'd be interested in hearing why your partial attempts failed - it can help others if we know what you did wrong.

Were you just not able to lose consciousness from partial? I know this is a common complaint, so I'd be interested in which partial position you tried, and where you put the rope?

For hanging or other carotid artery blood chokes, it is imperative to occlude the baroreceptors, which are where your carotids split to internal and external branches. They are high on the neck, usually even with the top of the adam's apple. Is this where you putting the rope?

PPH suggests hyperventilating for a few minutes before a carotid choke, as it promotes losing consciousness quicker.

 

[nihilisticmystics]

I feel the same, and it's for that reason I have stopped trying to set a hard date to CTB, because in the past I would say "ok, I'm going to do this on Sunday night". Then Sunday night rolls around and I think I'll do it tomorrow, etc.

I have stopped trying to do that so as not to cause myself anxiety of "having" to do it. Instead, I've left it up to doing it spontaneously, because I do have times where I think, ok, let's just get it over with.

Hanging is my backup method if my primary method doesn't work. I'd be interested in hearing why your partial attempts failed - it can help others if we know what you did wrong.

Were you just not able to lose consciousness from partial? I know this is a common complaint, so I'd be interested in which partial position you tried, and where you put the rope?

For hanging or other carotid artery blood chokes, it is imperative to occlude the baroreceptors, which are where your carotids split to internal and external branches. They are high on the neck, usually even with the top of the adam's apple. Is this where you putting the rope?

PPH suggests hyperventilating for a few minutes before a carotid choke, as it promotes losing consciousness quicker.

i wasn't able to lose consciousness from partial and i also had trouble with finding my carotid arteries, also no matter how hard i leaned into it i couldn't lose consciousness at all!!

 

[itsgone2]

So then what happens? Should we give up on this and try another method? I see no chance of just recovering. And I don't see me stepping off into fsh. I'm also not living a life. Something has to give, so I'm trying to see things rationally… what should we do?

 

[nihilisticmystics]

So then what happens? Should we give up on this and try another method? I see no chance of just recovering. And I don't see me stepping off into fsh. I'm also not living a life. Something has to give, so I'm trying to see things rationally… what should we do?

i can't give up on this method unfortunately as this is the only accessible and realistic method for me :( i wish you luck however, and i hope you find peace in whatever you decide. i'm sorry life has treated you so badly to come to this.

 

[jatty]

i keep bedrotting telling myself tonight's the night then i just go to sleep. it's a never ending cycle. i just want to die . i'm sorry you're dealing with this

my method isn't hanging but this is so very relatable
I go through the EXACT thing everyday, and its horrible, people manage to just die and get it over with, and im so depressed that i have SI. I lay in bed all day hyping myself up to die then fall asleep, and wake up panicking and crying i didnt cbt.
Do you want to dm? SI honestly is such a debilitating thing to some people, would be nice to start a support network of like minded people

 

[lunar02102009]

i've been trying to ctb by hanging multiple times throughout the past few months since april and each time i chicken out and dont go through with it. i can't bring myself to actually do full suspension but it's available for me whenever i want. i just have to work up the courage to actually do it, i'm just scared. i have the rope, i have socks, i tell myself i'm going to do full suspension then i get too scared and go to partial suspension and it fails.

and it sucks that there's no "right time"., i'm just stalling at this point bc i'm scared.

I understand you. Its just not so exciting killing yourself not know whats next or just plain old non existance we all want death but why do we want it? So that our current existance in this world stops and we can be in a better place where we can finally be happy after years of suffering on earth but knowing the cruelty of life i dont know if theres anything after ctb.....which is the only reason i chicken out to ctb.

 

[itsgone2]

i dont know if theres anything after ctb.....which is the only reason i chicken out to ctb.

Really? Interesting. I sort of get nervous, wondering what is next, but ultimately has no bearing on why I'm still here. Just SI using any trick necessary