Help I've been spending more time on the suicide forum lately

[CuddleHug]

I have been reading more and more posts over at the suicide discussion forum lately and I don't know if it's bad for me. I feel like it should be, but I'm not feeling anything. Nothing at all. It's weird.

I'm very tempted to start posting there again, too, but so far I've managed not to. Honestly, I'm a bit scared to start because I'm not sure if I'll be able to stop. Then I'll spend more time there and less here, which surely can't be good for me, can it?

I'm so confused. Why don't I feel anything when I go there? I used to feel bad when I looked at those posts, but now I'm not affected at all. The strange thing is that I don't feel more suicidal than I have been lately either. Or maybe I do...

Should I stop going there? Is it bad for my recovery? Not that I'm getting anywhere as it is...

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I know for me, I can get these periods of just being numb. I don't feel anything and it's like I'm stuck isolated in a bubble while the world is passing me by. Sometimes it's because I'm overwhelmed by everything so I end up shutting down.

Also, I visit the suicide section a lot and it honestly makes me want to ctb more because I see people talking and discussing methods. Perhaps not the best place if you're after recovery.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I have been reading more and more posts over at the suicide discussion forum lately and I don't know if it's bad for me. I feel like it should be, but I'm not feeling anything. Nothing at all. It's weird.

I'm very tempted to start posting there again, too, but so far I've managed not to. Honestly, I'm a bit scared to start because I'm not sure if I'll be able to stop. Then I'll spend more time there and less here, which surely can't be good for me, can it?

I'm so confused. Why don't I feel anything when I go there? I used to feel bad when I looked at those posts, but now I'm not affected at all. The strange thing is that I don't feel more suicidal than I have been lately either. Or maybe I do...

Should I stop going there? Is it bad for my recovery? Not that I'm getting anywhere as it is...

Probably habituation. Spend enough time there and some can become inured to it and accept it as normal.
Is it bad for recovery? Can't really answer that as it's going to be an individual thing. If it doesn't effect you badly, then maybe it's not bad for your recovery. But if you are becoming used to it, I guess it depends whether you think that not feeling bad about it is a good thing or a bad thing.
Personally I've stopped reading that forum because I can't handle seeing the suffering anymore. When I first joined I didn't care, because I just wanted to find a method. Months ago I read the suicide forum because I couldn't turn away from all the suffering, I felt I needed to answer and try and support people. Then, that got too much for me and I had to turn away lest it damage me too much.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I felt I needed to answer and try and support people

I'm so relieved that I'm not the only one who's tried to stop browsing because of this. It hurts to browse because I feel like I have to say something, but I don't know what to say. I can't even support myself, so it's very difficult to be supportive with others :/

 

[Deleted member 19654]

I'm so relieved that I'm not the only one who's tried to stop browsing because of this. It hurts to browse because I feel like I have to say something, but I don't know what to say. I can't even support myself, so it's very difficult to be supportive with others :/

I get this. I feel a little guilty when I can't help/support someone. And I feel bad whenever I see threads with 0 replies so I try to answer them but I don't always know what to say or I just don't have the answer they want.

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I get this. I feel a little guilty when I can't help/support someone. And I feel bad whenever I see threads with 0 replies so I try to answer them but I don't always know what to say or I just don't have the answer they want.

Some people on here are really good at finding the right thing to say. It's selfish but it makes me feel pressured and like I should just keep quiet.

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Some people on here are really good at finding the right thing to say. It's selfish but it makes me feel pressured and like I should just keep quiet.

I mean, I guess there's nothing inherently wrong with being selfish in this case. If you're not in a good place yourself, it's probably best to try and take care of yourself first. Better to not say anything than to try and force something and for it to come out sounding disingenuous.

 

[CuddleHug]

Months ago I read the suicide forum because I couldn't turn away from all the suffering, I felt I needed to answer and try and support people. Then, that got too much for me and I had to turn away lest it damage me too much.

This is pretty much exactly why I turned away too. I think that's why I'm scared of posting there at all, because I won't be able to stop and it will overwhelm me.

... I don't always know what to say or I just don't have the answer they want.

Some people on here are really good at finding the right thing to say. It's selfish but it makes me feel pressured and like I should just keep quiet.

I probably write and then stop myself from posting more than I actually post. If I don't feel my comment will contribute anything of value, I'll either re-write my reply or leave that thread. That's here as well, by the way.

Better to not say anything than to try and force something and for it to come out sounding disingenuous.

You got there before I finished replying. I fully agree with this.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

I find myself agreeing with all of what you guys say there. I was replying because I wanted to help, but also because I felt I had to out of obligation. The two are not mutually exclusive. And if I saw a post with no replies I had to chip in. I often felt what I said was clumsy and awkward but I still feel it was the right thing to do.
I also made some great friends from replying to their threads.
However, not everyone can keep doing that, for some it takes it's toll. You can't be there for everyone and at some point you have to prioritise your own welfare. Though there can also be a therapitic effect in supporting others by sharing your experiences too.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Personally I read and reply to all forum sections, regardless of my mindset on any given day. I like to contribute as much as I'm able to but I do pick and chose the threads carefully, especially in the suicide section.
Do I think it hinders your recovery though? I don't know, it's going to vary from person to person. It's very hard to just step away from suicide and those thoughts.

 

[Mr2005]

I've been reading less, it's depressing

 

[Squiddy]

I also have been spending a little bit more time on the forum lately. It helps me relate and cope with my situation. Without this forum, I probably would've been dead by now.