Help I've been acting and feeling a bit weird during the past week or so.

[BitterlyAlive]

I've been restless. Completely unable to get comfortable. It makes sleeping even more difficult. I did have a few nights where I was able to sleep quite a bit (7 or 8 hours) compared to my norm (3 or 4 hours), and I recall that I would stay in bed as long as I could because I just didn't want to do anything. I was still feeling restless and uncomfortable. When I would get up, I found that I was able to actually engage a bit more with things such as tv, family, and video games. I've been talking to people more and even making plans to keep myself busy, see how people are doing. I still feel like shit internally though - still doing the same dumb shit to cope.

After almost a year of being unable to really do anything at all, it's weird to be able to really sleep a few nights and have the energy to participate in life a bit more. I'm a bit worried because of the restlessness and slightly increased energy. It's not like my thoughts are racing or anything, I'm not pacing around at all, but part of me is scared. I feel ridiculous.

What if this is me actually feeling normal? But the thoughts, urges, etc remain. I still struggle to sleep and have nightmares. Hell, my brain has been foggy lately and I forgot how to perform very basic tasks at work. But... I don't know. I'm confused. When I started writing this out, I was worrying: 'What if I'm becoming hypomanic?', but really...that's an insult to people with bipolar. I still feel like this is weird and I guess I was wondering what other people may think.

 

[Shades of Grey]

When I started writing this out, I was worrying: 'What if I'm becoming hypomanic?', but really...that's an insult to people with bipolar. I still feel like this is weird and I guess I was wondering what other people may think.

I have at least one second-degree relative with rapid cycling bipolar I, and have often wondered if the reason my depression has been so refractory is because maybe it isn't "just" depression. None of the clinicians I've spoken with believe that I have bipolar II because I've never had an obvious hypomanic episode, but sometimes I look at those rare occasions where I've felt more "normal" for a brief time and I wonder... what if that wasn't really normal, what if it was hypomania? This all started when I was so young that I honestly don't know what "normal" ought to look like for me.

If you're concerned, I think it's worth pursuing. An accurate diagnosis is the first step to receiving proper/effective treatment.

❤

 

[mr.smileysad]

I recently went through something similar I doubt its hypomania it seems like maybe a break from the suckiness

 

[JustLosingMyself]

I'd say you're climbing out of the hole, but were stuck in it for so long that that hole feels surprisingly comfortable and familiar despite the pain and misery of being in it.
It's unfamiliar and scary outside one's bubble of misery.
Have the same difficulty

 

[BitterlyAlive]

I have at least one second-degree relative with rapid cycling bipolar I, and have often wondered if the reason my depression has been so refractory is because maybe it isn't "just" depression. None of the clinicians I've spoken with believe that I have bipolar II because I've never had an obvious hypomanic episode, but sometimes I look at those rare occasions where I've felt more "normal" for a brief time and I wonder... what if that wasn't really normal, what if it was hypomania? This all started when I was so young that I honestly don't know what "normal" ought to look like for me.

If you're concerned, I think it's worth pursuing. An accurate diagnosis is the first step to receiving proper/effective treatment.

❤

I'm seeing a psychiatrist in a few weeks and I've already got notes on things like my meds and how they've affected me. Thank you, mate.

I'd say you're climbing out of the hole, but were stuck in it for so long that that hole feels surprisingly comfortable and familiar despite the pain and misery of being in it.
It's unfamiliar and scary outside one's bubble of misery.
Have the same difficulty

that could be it. But I've...never felt like this. Not that I can remember. :/ You'd think I would remember feeling this way. Idk. Thanks, mate.

I recently went through something similar I doubt its hypomania it seems like maybe a break from the suckiness

Yeah, you're probably right lmao.