Christina

Christina

Member
Dec 6, 2018
17
Guys I have been lurking on here for sometime and decided to become a member recently. I realised that hanging on to life is not an option anymore. All it has done is confuse me and tie me down to this world. For the longest time I have been deluding myself with false hope because I am to much of a coward to end it. Now the delusions are fading and the reality is hitting me hard. I believe I should take advantage of the spare time I have to CTB. I have feeling 2019 would be a really busy time for me. So holding till then is a no go. The more I with hold my ctb the harder it actually gets to complete it. You start overthinking and end up wasting time. I will checking out by the end of tomorrow. I would like to thank the moderators and admin for manging to keep this site up for this long. Without this site I think many of us would be suffering in silence. You gave us a place to seek refuge in and have our troubles be heard. I wish you all luck and hope that you will be repaid for your selflessness. I also want to thank every member on this site for listening and supporting eachother. Somehow all our problems have brought us close together and it has made us feel less alone. I am thankful for that. I wish we could all meet up in person and give eachother all a big hug. Sadly we all know why we are all here. I hope you guys find peace and happiness. Bye xxxx
 
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Jodes

Jodes

Enlightened
Nov 23, 2018
1,261
Guys I have been lurking on here for sometime and decided to become a member recently. I realised that hanging on to life is not an option anymore. All it has done is confuse me and tie me down to this world. For the longest time I have been deluding myself with false hope because I am to much of a coward to end it. Now the delusions are fading and the reality is hitting me hard. I believe I should take advantage of the spare time I have to CTB. I have feeling 2019 would be a really busy time for me. So holding till then is a no go. The more I with hold my ctb the harder it actually gets to complete it. You start overthinking and end up wasting time. I will checking out by the end of tomorrow.
Welcome, sorry you're here. May I ask how old you are? Is your CTB decision a last resort? Sorry, just asking
 
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YukiFox

YukiFox

Pastel demon
Dec 8, 2018
320
Sorry to hear that. I hope you will find inner peace finally.
Hugs!
 
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311

311

Dying cat
Nov 24, 2018
779
Good luck
 
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15dec

15dec

ember in the dark
Dec 7, 2018
1,550
Sending you hugs
 
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blueming

blueming

if we can stand outside the borders of time
Sep 21, 2018
253
Hugs ^^ I wish you the best, good luck with everything :)
 
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GhostedToast

GhostedToast

Wants to disappear
Sep 25, 2018
144
I hope you're able to find peace and i wish you luck in your attempt.
 
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F

furax53

Student
Nov 13, 2018
191
bon voyage et trouver la paix
 
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Jiva

Jiva

I want ...
Nov 18, 2018
493
Hugs.
 
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Crest33

Crest33

Sheet slinger
Nov 28, 2018
261
Good luck, may you find peace.
 
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Empty Smile

Empty Smile

The final Bell has rung. Goodbye to all.
Jul 13, 2018
1,785
Peace to you. Fly high.
 
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T

tevati

Student
Sep 25, 2018
156
Good luck. I hope for peace for you.
 
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T

TiredHorse

Enlightened
Nov 1, 2018
1,819
May your journey be gentle and your peace everlasting.
 
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Made4TV

Made4TV

A hopeless hope junkie
Sep 17, 2018
574
Hoping you are able to exit well and find peace.
 
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Christina

Christina

Member
Dec 6, 2018
17
Welcome, sorry you're here. May I ask how old you are? Is your CTB decision a last resort? Sorry, just asking

Well I am actually 17 but I will be turning 18 after tomorrow. I thought I could hold up till the end of December. Maybe find a partner.But , I cant anymore. I realised that I need to do this myself for once. Suicide is a path that someone should ideally do alone. Maybe finding a partner was just another way to distract myself from my reality. Yes it is my only resort. I have been clinging on to hope for so long. All to get me nowhere. Its scary to know that even if I fail I will still try as many times as I can to CTB because there is literally no other option. Even If I continue living , it will always be with the intent on successfully killing myself.
 
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TAW122

TAW122

Emissary of the right to die.
Aug 30, 2018
6,804
Good luck @Christina, I hope you'll succeed and not have to suffer through 2019. Anyways, out of curiosity, what is your method of choice or method that you are going with to ctb?
 
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N

nohoper

Member
Dec 2, 2018
64
Good luck,hope whatever method you have chosen brings you peace.
 
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therhydler

therhydler

Enlightened
Dec 7, 2018
1,196
Good luck, hope it is not too painful and that you find peace
 
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L

Lefty

Mage
Dec 7, 2018
530
*Hugs*
 
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Christina

Christina

Member
Dec 6, 2018
17
Good luck @Christina, I hope you'll succeed and not have to suffer through 2019. Anyways, out of curiosity, what is your method of choice or method that you are going with to ctb?
Full suspension hanging.
 
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M

MsM3talGamer

Voluntary deletion
Nov 28, 2018
1,504
Good luck. May you achieve the peace that we all crave here.
 
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B

Bex83

Member
Aug 26, 2018
61
Good luck x
 
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D

dyingtodie

Student
Nov 29, 2018
115
Hey, it's none of my business but 17/18 does sound young to CTB. I've lived with intense thoughts of suicide/self harm for 16 years and it has not been an easy ride, and as much as I wish I would have died earlier I'm grateful for many experiences I've had along the way. Are there any final things you'd like to do? Final adventures? Bucket list items? You can always carry a rope/belt etc. with you and CTB on a friendly tree or something on a whim. Since you're going to be DEAD, FOREVER, SOON, nothing can really hurt you, not for long anyways...so you just might consider living a few more days...or, even, just one more day. (I myself start to freak out if I think of myself living for even days more...but 1 at a time I've been going all year.)

It's your life, so do as you wish. I sincerely wish you peace and a hopefully pleasant passage (hanging sounds painful...I'm going with inert gas myself.)
 
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Retched

Retched

I see the chaos in your eyes.
Oct 8, 2018
837
Hope you find your peace.
 
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Jodes

Jodes

Enlightened
Nov 23, 2018
1,261
Hey, it's none of my business but 17/18 does sound young to CTB. I've lived with intense thoughts of suicide/self harm for 16 years and it has not been an easy ride, and as much as I wish I would have died earlier I'm grateful for many experiences I've had along the way. Are there any final things you'd like to do? Final adventures? Bucket list items? You can always carry a rope/belt etc. with you and CTB on a friendly tree or something on a whim. Since you're going to be DEAD, FOREVER, SOON, nothing can really hurt you, not for long anyways...so you just might consider living a few more days...or, even, just one more day. (I myself start to freak out if I think of myself living for even days more...but 1 at a time I've been going all year.)

It's your life, so do as you wish. I sincerely wish you peace and a hopefully pleasant passage (hanging sounds painful...I'm going with inert gas myself.)
@Christina I'll gently agree with this, its my position too Although it's hard to "judge" anyone's own position. I hope you do give @dyingtodie 's ideas some thought? We're all here for you whatever you choose
 
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Weeping Garbage Can

Weeping Garbage Can

ਕਿਰਪਾ ਕਰਕੇ ਮੈਨੂੰ ਭੁੱਲ ਜਾਓ ❤️
Oct 31, 2018
320
I wish you all the best Christina, in whatever you decide <3
 
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Deafsn0w

Deafsn0w

I will buy you a dog if you like my posts
Sep 4, 2018
2,488
Good luck. Hope to see ya on the other side of rainbow :)
 
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LostGirl

LostGirl

My time has come
Dec 3, 2018
185
Wishing you the safest of journey.
 
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letmeseethedeath

letmeseethedeath

catching the bus
Aug 4, 2018
465
Well I am actually 17 but I will be turning 18 after tomorrow. I thought I could hold up till the end of December. Maybe find a partner.But , I cant anymore. I realised that I need to do this myself for once. Suicide is a path that someone should ideally do alone. Maybe finding a partner was just another way to distract myself from my reality. Yes it is my only resort. I have been clinging on to hope for so long. All to get me nowhere. Its scary to know that even if I fail I will still try as many times as I can to CTB because there is literally no other option. Even If I continue living , it will always be with the intent on successfully killing myself.
I feel the same way, I wish you all the peace you deserve. Goodbye ❤️
 
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letmeseethedeath

letmeseethedeath

catching the bus
Aug 4, 2018
465
Hey, it's none of my business but 17/18 does sound young to CTB. I've lived with intense thoughts of suicide/self harm for 16 years and it has not been an easy ride, and as much as I wish I would have died earlier I'm grateful for many experiences I've had along the way. Are there any final things you'd like to do? Final adventures? Bucket list items? You can always carry a rope/belt etc. with you and CTB on a friendly tree or something on a whim. Since you're going to be DEAD, FOREVER, SOON, nothing can really hurt you, not for long anyways...so you just might consider living a few more days...or, even, just one more day. (I myself start to freak out if I think of myself living for even days more...but 1 at a time I've been going all year.)

It's your life, so do as you wish. I sincerely wish you peace and a hopefully pleasant passage (hanging sounds painful...I'm going with inert gas myself.)
I started my suicidal thoughts at 11 and when I was 17 like christina I was at the peak of the mountain so I agree with her. My life is like hers, with a constant need to die. I just wanted to share my youngest experience with ctb
 
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