Venting It’s time to accept it

[bluesky1972-2019]

I've been planning to CTB for over a year now. I've been giving things another go and seeing if I can change things for the better. But recently things have taken a serious downturn again and I think it's time to finally accept its time to go!
Been sat thinking about my whole life in general and it's sad to say that the bad times and experiences far outweigh the good times.
I have two kids (both don't live with me) but I know they will be far better off in the long run without me. I don't see myself as good with kids really and I know my ex's new partner is great. So I guess I can find some comfort in that too.
I have thought long and hard about my life and really hate even my job now. I'm just tired of everything and just want to close my eyes and never wake up. I really think my time is close and I can be a peace away from this cruel evil world.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I've been planning to CTB for over a year now. I've been giving things another go and seeing if I can change things for the better. But recently things have taken a serious downturn again and I think it's time to finally accept its time to go!
Been sat thinking about my whole life in general and it's sad to say that the bad times and experiences far outweigh the good times.
I have two kids (both don't live with me) but I know they will be far better off in the long run without me. I don't see myself as good with kids really and I know my ex's new partner is great. So I guess I can find some comfort in that too.
I have thought long and hard about my life and really hate even my job now. I'm just tired of everything and just want to close my eyes and never wake up. I really think my time is close and I can be a peace away from this cruel evil world.

You are the best judge of your own life, and whether it's worth it all.
But you said you have been thinking of ctb for over a year. You are still here, even if things are not that great for you at the moment.
How about seeing how things are in 6 months? They might be the same, or there might be some improvements.
Then perhaps try going for another 6 months if you feel you can. There is a possibility that some aspects of your life may have improved in a year.
If not, you will always have the option to ctb then, and you'll only have 'lost' 12 months.
I'm not pro-life or anything, but I do think things can improve for some people if the right things are in place and sometimes with a bit of luck.

What is your method btw?

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

You are the best judge of your own life, and whether it's worth it all.
But you said you have been thinking of ctb for over a year. You are still here, even if things are not that great for you at the moment.
How about seeing how things are in 6 months? They might be the same, or there might be some improvements.
Then perhaps try going for another 6 months if you feel you can. There is a possibility that some aspects of your life may have improved in a year.
If not, you will always have the option to ctb then, and you'll only have 'lost' 12 months.
I'm not pro-life or anything, but I do think things can improve for some people if the right things are in place and sometimes with a bit of luck.

What is your method btw?

I can't see things getting better, only far worse as time passes. I can see what you mean also, but the past year has been my chance to sort things and it's actually getting worse now.
My method would be SN following Stan's 48 hour regime. I have antiemetics and antacids plus the optional Propranolol. So I'm well prepared and briefed on the plan.

 

[esse_est_percipi]

I can only wish you the best, and hope that everything works out, and that you find peace in the end.
However, even if you can't see things getting better, they might. It's still possible they might get better, though I don't know what your specific circumstances are.

Can I ask, was it easy for you to get antiemetics and antacids?

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

I can only wish you the best, and hope that everything works out, and that you find peace in the end.
However, even if you can't see things getting better, they might. It's still possible they might get better, though I don't know what your specific circumstances are.

Can I ask, was it easy for you to get antiemetics and antacids?

I guess we all have our reasons and limits. I feel mine are now approaching the point of no return. Thank you for your kind words. Antacid tablets are easy to obtain OTC, the antiemetics are harder but can be purchased online quite easily from well known sites and online pharmacies.

 

[rhiino]

I guess we all have our reasons and limits. I feel mine are now approaching the point of no return.

This is so true. I feel like many people (in real life) think you can go on and on and on forever, but at some point everybody is done. Some might literally have no energy left, some might see no sense in keeping on suffering.

 

[bluesky1972-2019]

Well I actually think the end is very close now. Feel totally lost and tired of trying. I just cannot go on like this much longer. I think the end is measured in weeks at the most now.
Tonight I just have an awful sinking aching feeling in my stomach. Just want to cry and don't know what to do. It has to end soon.
I have all I need to CTB using the SN method. I'll make sure I will not be missed for at least 2 days after taking it. So should be guaranteed success.

 

[Squiddy]

I wish you peace in whatever you do :)