It's so fucking painful to get anything done

[Scribble Fan]

Why does depression do this? I'm not lazy, honestly! I used to be able to churn out pretty decent grades back in high school, I worked very hard. Now doing a single thing feels like dragging myself forward over concrete, weighed down by a thousand pounds, with all organs exposed so they rub themselves raw until they rupture. Graphic, sorry, but I'm not sure how else to put it.

I feel like I'm going crazier than I already am, why can't I do anything? Why won't my feelings just let me participate? Maybe after being on the receiving end of everything they're just done now. I wouldn't blame them, but still. I can hardly even brush my teeth without wanting to go back to bed due to that internal fatigue. I've spent almost five years like this, doesn't rest repair anything? I guess it has been more torture than relief.

How does this feel on your end?

 

[The_big_b]

Hmm, I don't know if I'm becoming delusional or not, but I have been becoming increasingly annoyed at the amount of work expected from me. Why can't I just be? I don't have trouble with personal hygiene and other things, where the need to do them is extremely clear to me, as it is usually simple enough to brush my teeth or take a shower, and the reward is instant and enjoyable. Not to mention that I can't fail brushing my teeth, nor is there a deadline or anything to stress me out.

 

[Allpainnogain]

Yes same here that's severe depression for you. I hate it

 

[Empty Smile]

Yep, same here. I used to get out a lot and roam into the woods, go fishing, hiking, etc... But now it feels like a chore I don't want to do.

 

[not_a_robot]

I've been out of food except for a loaf of bread and a gallon of milk for a week. Instead of go out in the sun to get food, and see people outside, I have just made the bread and milk last for a week. The week before, I only ate fast food. There's a package waiting for me downstairs and I've been avoiding going to get it because I don't want to speak to the doorman.
Am I depressed or do I just not wanna go out there?
I don't even have to go far. There are six restaurants on my block. I literally only have to cross the street.

It was really good bread though.

 

[Sailfisher]

Depression sucks. It takes the life out of life.

 

[Alpha_Draco_Pegasus]

Lovely description of the feeling. I was rather amused at reading these posts (in a compassionate way, not a sadistic way). Are you taking antidepressants, or any neurotransmitter-supportive supplements? I take 5-HTP, L-Tyrosine, Green Tea Extract and Saffron and they all have a big impact on my energy level. I'd say start along those lines. Pump some medicine into your head first. Get some good coffee even.

For any first step towards getting your head into gear you have to force yourself and it's a drag. Your age, diet, body condition and such all play a role in it too. If you're an old fat guy, then you have to go beyond the resource of my suggestions.

I do all of this, I take my supplements as well as a couple Rx medicines. I stay clean and sober always, I avoid sugar and try to get regular sleep, and I make it to the gym at least once a week. That all makes it easier to work full time and go to school part time. Then it all just becomes habit I think.

Still, I'm not here posting this to show you that I'm a success, because I am not. Those are just all things that help to keep my life comfortable and, believe it or not, easier. It's inaction which makes life more difficult in the long run. I am still depressed and interestless. I just do what I know is good for me, constantly monitor my condition and check to see if I need to tweak my routine to improve my wellness, and then I just don't think about the rest.

I'm already planning suicide so I don't need to hang in there for 60 more years. Having something like that, an upcoming goal or event to look forward to helps. I might be able to CTB by the end of this year if everything works out. Anyway, I do sympathize and empathize for you really. Energy is hard to come by and it doesn't often last.

Well I hope that at least something of what I've said made even the slightest positive impression.

 

[blanketyblk]

Depression is crippling. like what Sailfisher said. Depression takes the color out of the world.

 

[Severen]

Depression is crippling. like what Sailfisher said. Depression takes the color out of the world.

What really pisses me off though is that most people don't take depression seriously. And a lot of people abuse this word to be attention whores. So then, every time I mention, my depression, people look at me like I'm just a attention whore who was simply sad or disappointed. It's like...no...I was literally insane and I couldn't even get out of bed... I couldn't eat etc... And then, they will just be like, yeah, whatever. "Everyone is depressed. Stop being lazy or stop trying to get attention."

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Why does depression do this? I'm not lazy, honestly! I used to be able to churn out pretty decent grades back in high school, I worked very hard. Now doing a single thing feels like dragging myself forward over concrete, weighed down by a thousand pounds, with all organs exposed so they rub themselves raw until they rupture. Graphic, sorry, but I'm not sure how else to put it.

I feel like I'm going crazier than I already am, why can't I do anything? Why won't my feelings just let me participate? Maybe after being on the receiving end of everything they're just done now. I wouldn't blame them, but still. I can hardly even brush my teeth without wanting to go back to bed due to that internal fatigue. I've spent almost five years like this, doesn't rest repair anything? I guess it has been more torture than relief.

How does this feel on your end?

I feel the same … I can hardly get motivated to do anything other than watch tv or go online. I do have to work and I hate that.

Yep, same here. I used to get out a lot and roam into the woods, go fishing, hiking, etc... But now it feels like a chore I don't want to do.

I never used to be at my apartment ... now I hate going anywhere. Especially if I have to be around people.

 

[sadbunny]

Yes, yes a million times yes.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

Depression is crippling. like what Sailfisher said. Depression takes the color out of the world.

What ??? There is COLOR I guess I shouldn't joke about it. Sometimes that is all I can do since life sucks so bad.

 

[blanketyblk]

What ??? There is COLOR I guess I shouldn't joke about it. Sometimes that is all I can do since life sucks so bad.

lol. thanks you made me laugh! :-)
and yeah life does suck bad :-(

 

[barny]

Yea dont want to see another human being, dont want to talk or go out, cant face food shop opposite me, cant face having a shower. Cant think

 

[Scribble Fan]

Lovely description of the feeling. I was rather amused at reading these posts (in a compassionate way, not a sadistic way). Are you taking antidepressants, or any neurotransmitter-supportive supplements? I take 5-HTP, L-Tyrosine, Green Tea Extract and Saffron and they all have a big impact on my energy level. I'd say start along those lines. Pump some medicine into your head first. Get some good coffee even.

For any first step towards getting your head into gear you have to force yourself and it's a drag. Your age, diet, body condition and such all play a role in it too. If you're an old fat guy, then you have to go beyond the resource of my suggestions.

I do all of this, I take my supplements as well as a couple Rx medicines. I stay clean and sober always, I avoid sugar and try to get regular sleep, and I make it to the gym at least once a week. That all makes it easier to work full time and go to school part time. Then it all just becomes habit I think.

Still, I'm not here posting this to show you that I'm a success, because I am not. Those are just all things that help to keep my life comfortable and, believe it or not, easier. It's inaction which makes life more difficult in the long run. I am still depressed and interestless. I just do what I know is good for me, constantly monitor my condition and check to see if I need to tweak my routine to improve my wellness, and then I just don't think about the rest.

I'm already planning suicide so I don't need to hang in there for 60 more years. Having something like that, an upcoming goal or event to look forward to helps. I might be able to CTB by the end of this year if everything works out. Anyway, I do sympathize and empathize for you really. Energy is hard to come by and it doesn't often last.

Well I hope that at least something of what I've said made even the slightest positive impression.

Thank you for the advice! I really do need to go find some meds, I've been putting it off for a while but I don't think I'm going to recover otherwise.

And you're completely right on inaction being the biggest killer. My energy levels don't want to participate but the less I do the worse I feel. I'd love to get something done so I don't feel so dead inside.

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

lol. thanks you made me laugh! :-)
and yeah life does suck bad :-(

Your welcome.... humor is one of the things I do to cope. Though it doesn't work as well as it used to.

Yea dont want to see another human being, dont want to talk or go out, cant face food shop opposite me, cant face having a shower. Cant think

I totally get that. I do shower when I have to work. If I'm off for a day or two I usually don't unless I have to go out in public. Like you I don't want to be around other humans.

 

[RM5998]

I'm there right now. I have to make the map for a game I'm building, as well as the sprites and weapons and finally assemble it, but I've been procrastinating until today. And I've got the mechanical underpinning working - but I've done nothing at all over the past 2 weeks in a fit of inaction. I can't seem to get anything done now - my mind blanks out when I have PS open.