Venting it’s so alienating watching the whole world around you live their life so nicely, and your world has just stopped

[wastingpotential]

i've been so caught up in my downward life lately, losing things and beings, grieving previous years of my life i've lost, things only getting worse and worse and worse as time goes on and any choice i have to make i lose something regardless, or something else has to go wrong.

today i was out, on my way back i saw a horde of people dancing happily with one another to music that others were playing, eating good food, spending time with family, friends, some even pets, even as i left that area and continued walking many families continued to pass me, couples holding hands and kids following behind.

i've never had that, a full family outing, i've never danced outside of maybe my 9th grade gym class let alone be so happy about it and with people i adore around me, i never got to walk back home holding hands with someone i love, i've only ever lost things; people.

i feel so hollow, exhausted. why couldn't that have been me in the crowd? singing my heart out for people to listen or even just dancing beside them? chatting with relatives who care for me or feeling physical affection?

what have i done so horribly to award me with a life that's never given me something like that? or anything i could at least remember? why was i born into a life that never, ever gets better?

i feel so empty. i couldn't cry if i wanted. empty and pathetic and hopelessly tired and starved of touch all the time.

i desperately could use a cigarette right now. that place was also reeking of tobacco in the air.

 

[Letgo]

I am sorry you have been through this pain. I hug you and think of you. You are not alone.

 

[PyramidHead]

I completely understand. You've done absolutely nothing wrong. That's exactly how I feel too, like an alien trying to fit in. Never had the authentic human experience, and being so touch starved does things to you. Cigarettes are such a good cope sometimes.

 

[endless_pain]

I can relate how painful it is to face reality, I know very well what it means having experienced these feelings in the first place around positive people seeming to enjoy life as it gets. I mean I have done it me too for a short period of time, I know what it means. Happiness exists, but unfortunately life has been undeniably hard with us that keeps auto sabotating our will.

 

[Catastrofe]

i've been so caught up in my downward life lately, losing things and beings, grieving previous years of my life i've lost, things only getting worse and worse and worse as time goes on and any choice i have to make i lose something regardless, or something else has to go wrong.

today i was out, on my way back i saw a horde of people dancing happily with one another to music that others were playing, eating good food, spending time with family, friends, some even pets, even as i left that area and continued walking many families continued to pass me, couples holding hands and kids following behind.

i've never had that, a full family outing, i've never danced outside of maybe my 9th grade gym class let alone be so happy about it and with people i adore around me, i never got to walk back home holding hands with someone i love, i've only ever lost things; people.

i feel so hollow, exhausted. why couldn't that have been me in the crowd? singing my heart out for people to listen or even just dancing beside them? chatting with relatives who care for me or feeling physical affection?

what have i done so horribly to award me with a life that's never given me something like that? or anything i could at least remember? why was i born into a life that never, ever gets better?

i feel so empty. i couldn't cry if i wanted. empty and pathetic and hopelessly tired and starved of touch all the time.

i desperately could use a cigarette right now. that place was also reeking of tobacco in the air.

totally relate to this ... I send you hugs :)

 

[FuneralCry]

The unfortunate reality is that life is just so unnecessarily cruel, there is too much suffering in existing and sadly we exist in a world where people suffer so much all through no fault of their own. To me it's certainly so awful how existing can very easily just get much worse but anyway I wish you the best.

 

[Never Alive]

i've been so caught up in my downward life lately, losing things and beings, grieving previous years of my life i've lost, things only getting worse and worse and worse as time goes on and any choice i have to make i lose something regardless, or something else has to go wrong.

today i was out, on my way back i saw a horde of people dancing happily with one another to music that others were playing, eating good food, spending time with family, friends, some even pets, even as i left that area and continued walking many families continued to pass me, couples holding hands and kids following behind.

i've never had that, a full family outing, i've never danced outside of maybe my 9th grade gym class let alone be so happy about it and with people i adore around me, i never got to walk back home holding hands with someone i love, i've only ever lost things; people.

i feel so hollow, exhausted. why couldn't that have been me in the crowd? singing my heart out for people to listen or even just dancing beside them? chatting with relatives who care for me or feeling physical affection?

what have i done so horribly to award me with a life that's never given me something like that? or anything i could at least remember? why was i born into a life that never, ever gets better?

i feel so empty. i couldn't cry if i wanted. empty and pathetic and hopelessly tired and starved of touch all the time.

i desperately could use a cigarette right now. that place was also reeking of tobacco in the air.

I know this all too well.. Standing infront of an glass door just watching and not being able to enter or keep going in life.

 

[niki wonoto]

I can relate too somewhat. Whenever I go now, and whenever I see people, I often feel like I'm an alien or something not from this world. I can't relate to most people. I feel so alone now, which is sadly ironic & tragic, because a lot of people have told me that I have a lot of potentials (especially in music) etc etc etc, but in reality, here I am now just a nobody & a failure, living this pathetic ridiculous stupid pointless & meaningless existence. I wish I could stop exist in this world, but sadly we all know it's not an easy thing to ctb (often wish Thanos is real).

 

[wastingpotential]

I can relate too somewhat. Whenever I go now, and whenever I see people, I often feel like I'm an alien or something not from this world. I can't relate to most people. I feel so alone now, which is sadly ironic & tragic, because a lot of people have told me that I have a lot of potentials (especially in music) etc etc etc, but in reality, here I am now just a nobody & a failure, living this pathetic ridiculous stupid pointless & meaningless existence. I wish I could stop exist in this world, but sadly we all know it's not an easy thing to ctb (often wish Thanos is real).

i relate so much in the potential aspect. music is something that interests me a lot but my poor headspace and attention span drives me away from learning it more than i want to, it feels like a neverending fight between myself and myself, alongside anything else i've been told i'd be good at.

i wish you luck on whatever path you take in this life, regardless of it being with music or not.
hugs

 

[shantyizlit]

Just people talking about doing this they do to pass the time makes me feel so out of place like I don't belong here. I don't even wish to be like them, because they're just bordering on the absurd obtaining joy from arbitrary things.. I feel like most people have been sold a dream that becomes a nightmare at the end of their lives when they realize all they amounted to was nothing.

 

[Homo erectus]

Sometimes I wonder if people are really happy. Dancing, and acts of showing off, pretending to be strong, are all mating signals with the intention to extend life. That's tiring. Even if life is good now, how about in ten years? Diseases, disasters, warfare, social collapse may happen. Most things people do are quite meaningless, if not for reducing suffering, shifting it to other people, delaying and covering up the problems.

 

[PhuckLife]

I definitely can relate. Walking around like I'm in the dam matrix. Everyone so content to keep acting like reality is not falling apart in front our eyes, our eyes that see through the shill that reality is. Empowered by the ability to see through the shit, accursed in the sense, that we are never over taken by such temporary emotional highs, ignorance is bliss, but none of us are ignorant here. Infact we are more empowered in the sense that we contemplate to most what is the unthinkable, we honestly examine ALL OPTIONS rather than quietly sit suffer and wait for the next temporary fleeting emotional high... Reality is collapsing as if to give us, those who contemplate all paths; a head nod, as if to say Reality itself is tired of Reality, reality itself is contemplating the unthinkable, reality itself wants it's own escape...
Reality wants to exit from it's own nonsense...

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

oh trust me, the overwhelming majority of people live a life in objectively miserable conditions. its just that most people either learn how to hide it, how to cope / deal with it, or are happy anyways because the human brain is supposed to just be happy to be alive by default

i am not content with my living conditions, i consider them mediocre and miserable and would rather be dead.