It's not that I changed my mind about CTB

[thatisitguy]

I still find myself thinking about death but there hasn't been a lot of movement on going through with it since my last attempt a few weeks. ago. Don't get me wrong. Potentially, I am in very serious legal trouble and there is no question that I'd rather be dead than go through with it (I have other serious problems but that is the most threatening). Being optimistic and ignorant of that is probably the worst thing I could do. It's like those drug pushers who helped Matthew Perry kill himself. Instead of preparing for the inevitable, they acted like business as usual. Who knows? They might regret not CTB or not preparing for what was so obviously coming.

As bizarre as it sounds, I haven't gone through with another serious attempt is that my job is keeping me busy and needed. That isn't a good thing. I am sure that this will wear off and I will have another attempt.

 

[chester]

Potentially, I am in very serious legal trouble and there is no question that I'd rather be dead than go through with it

"Potentially" - so what if you're not? Would you still CTB? Or would your life be good enough? Sometimes it's not the individual problems themselves that overwhelm us, it's the fact that they all occur at once. Maybe if you tackle them one by one you might find your life is not that bad.

I don't know much about you, I'm just hypothesizing. I also know, that even when there's nothing bad going on in your life, a reason for CTB might come from within. It all comes down to you asking yourself what would need to happen for you to stop thinking about CTB.

 

[thatisitguy]

"Potentially" - so what if you're not? Would you still CTB? Or would your life be good enough? Sometimes it's not the individual problems themselves that overwhelm us, it's the fact that they all occur at once. Maybe if you tackle them one by one you might find your life is not that bad.

I don't know much about you, I'm just hypothesizing. I also know, that even when there's nothing bad going on in your life, a reason for CTB might come from within. It all comes down to you asking yourself what would need to happen for you to stop thinking about CTB.

Oh, CTB is very much in the picture. I attempted twice in the last six weeks to off myself. Seriously attempting and then failing to CTB is exhausting. I guess I need some downtime to get myself back at it.

My legal problem is not one that I wish to sit around and wait to see if the cops show up. The scary part is that I don't know if they are involved or not. If they are involved then I need to checkout ASAP. There is no question about that and I am very aware of it. I do have other matters that are CTB-worthy aside from this. Things did not and will not magically get better. Work is distracting me from CTB which isn't a good thing.