Venting It’s my birthday.

[ShotgunShell]

That's it. That's the post. It's my birthday.

I've been dreading it since April. I was considering hurrying up my death date before it came around this year, but unfortunately it didn't work out and I'm still here. I guess I'll be sticking with my OG plan that if I'm not fully happy by 25 then I'll CTB, so we're officially 3 years from it today.

It's currently 1:39 AM- I haven't been able to stop crying since midnight. I don't want to be here anymore. My life is over. I'm 22 years old and haven't accomplished anything and fear I never will. Ive wasted the 22 years I've been "gifted" and have nothing to show for being my age. All of my friends are getting married, falling in love and going on dates, graduating college by now, and generally just doing things that people should do by 22. But here I am- a useless sack of meat that can't even properly brush their teeth or clean up their bedroom.
(Also for the love of God please no boomers commenting about how dramatic I am and that my life has "jUsT bArElY bEgUn". Ive heard it enough and I just want someone to listen. I have reasons for feeling like this at my age.)

I haven't been active for sometime now as I genuinely thought I might try and recover, but of course, it didn't work. Here I am again. I'll never be able to get out of this cycle, this fucking hell hole. Nothing ever gets better.

So that's it. I'm 22. I have nothing or no one to live for. Happy Birthday to me, I guess. Hopefully one of the last. Goodnight.

 

[Embalmer]

I understand your struggles as I've also experienced feeling like I'm falling behind compared to other people my age, I won't say the whole "your life just barely begun" stuff because I hate hearing it as well lol. All I can really say is give yourself a little grace, everyone moves at their own pace due to different life circumstances and struggling to stay motivated can quickly lead to feeling like it's too late to change. You're not dramatic at all, you have every right to feel the way you do, but at the same time you don't owe anyone certain accomplishments just because you are now 22. Cycles like these can be broken, and I believe in you and hope you eventually recover and do well for yourself. Happy Birthday <3

 

[TransilvanianHunger]

I'll wish you a happy birthday anyway, though I understand if it feels a bit meaningless.

I've been around for a while, definitely longer than your 22 but not even close to boomer age. All I can say is something I've learned myself: there is no set time to do anything. I was also considered "gifted" and had nothing to show for it, at 22 or even now, at least I don't think I do. But life doesn't work on a schedule. The average person goes through life without giving it much thought, just doing whatever they think they're "supposed to do"—getting married, having kids, having dead-end jobs that will make them miserable. It's all a load of bollocks. You don't have to do anything specific at 22, or at any other age. Life is different for everyone. You don't have to live your life according to what other people your age are doing. Trying to do that is an excellent way of being miserable.

Free yourself from expectations, and don't try to live your life according to what other people are doing, You're your own person, and your path is only yours. You're here, and you're in control of your life.

Happy birthday. :)

 

[feder]

I'm so sorry, the "I will ctb if I'm not happy by a certain age" isn't not a bad plan tbh might also use that. You still have a bit more time maybe things will improve in those last 3 years and u wont be feeling like that anymore hopefully. Wish u all the best. Happy birthday!!

 

[Absolute Chips]

You don't have to compare yourself with others, different people have different paces. I am 22 years old too but I had barely done anything that a person at this age should do such as getting a driving license, getting a romantic partner (which I never will since I'm not interested in getting myself into a relationship), I am still in my first year of university (well almost second year after I'm done with my finals next week), I barely even work not because I'm lazy but I'm too anxious to do so (hopefully I can try to work again during the semester break). But yeah what I'm trying to say is that you don't have to feel bad about yourself just because of your peers, all you need to do is just appreciate who you are and take your time slowly, you will eventually get there. And have a good birthday there :)

 

[Mord.]

I understand how you feel. I didnt finish high school and i'm 21, even my younger sister is goin to graduate from high school this year and i havent acomplished anything at my age, every time i try to do something "productive" with my life i end up dropping it because it feels meaningless, it's just a cycle of thinking "maybe one day everything will be better" and that day never comes. I hope things will get better for you
Well anyway, Happy birthday!

 

[Shivali]

Anyway , happy birthday to you

 

[Valky]

Happy birthday tho!

Recovery is not a steady road, there are a lot of ups and downs but it is worth it. I believe in you. I see your pain and you are not alone <3

I wish you all the Best and hope that this year of your life will be brighter for you :)

 

[BornToFail]

Happy birthday. I'll be 21 and the 12th and feel the same way.

 

[leeloosnow]

happy birthday my friend i hope the day offers you some happiness somehow <3

 

[Mirrory Me]

I just turned 33 myself, that day was probably some kind of internal reflection or wake-up call about the course of life, so that I could see what's up. It didn't go as well for me as I would have hoped either. Don't worry because your life will later offer healing help in all the problems you see now.

 

[StolenLife]

Happy birthday! I'm sorry that you feel this way. I understand your struggles as I too didn't accomplish any of those things at 23.

 

[endless_pain]

Happy birthday to you hoping you'll get the peace you deserve somehow

 

[FuneralCry]

I personally hate what birthdays represent which is yet another year spent trapped here in this hellish world. But anyway I wish you the best, I'm also 22 and I know that I've existed here for far too long.

 

[Linda]

That's it. That's the post. It's my birthday.

I've been dreading it since April. I was considering hurrying up my death date before it came around this year, but unfortunately it didn't work out and I'm still here. I guess I'll be sticking with my OG plan that if I'm not fully happy by 25 then I'll CTB, so we're officially 3 years from it today.

It's currently 1:39 AM- I haven't been able to stop crying since midnight. I don't want to be here anymore. My life is over. I'm 22 years old and haven't accomplished anything and fear I never will. Ive wasted the 22 years I've been "gifted" and have nothing to show for being my age. All of my friends are getting married, falling in love and going on dates, graduating college by now, and generally just doing things that people should do by 22. But here I am- a useless sack of meat that can't even properly brush their teeth or clean up their bedroom.
(Also for the love of God please no boomers commenting about how dramatic I am and that my life has "jUsT bArElY bEgUn". Ive heard it enough and I just want someone to listen. I have reasons for feeling like this at my age.)

I haven't been active for sometime now as I genuinely thought I might try and recover, but of course, it didn't work. Here I am again. I'll never be able to get out of this cycle, this fucking hell hole. Nothing ever gets better.

So that's it. I'm 22. I have nothing or no one to live for. Happy Birthday to me, I guess. Hopefully one of the last. Goodnight.

One thing I have learned is that life tends to be very unpredictable. Yours might get a lot better. Or it might get a lot worse. Or something in between. You don't know which. I don't know. Nobody knows. However, I do know that 22 is too young for you to conclude with certainty that it won't improve. If life right now actually feels intolerable, every day is just too painful, and you don't expect your feelings (as opposed to your life) to change, then ctb may be the right way forward. But if your concern is simply that you haven't achieved much (or anything) yet, I think it would be better simply to wait and see what happens. The option to ctb won't go away, so you have nothing to lose by waiting.

Don't take what other people are doing are as a set of norms that you must follow or imitate. You are not "other people". You are you, There is no reason your life should follow the same pattern as the lives of your friends and associates. No reason at all. The people who have had the biggest impact on the world, the people who have done the most good, tend to be precisely those who don't fit the general pattern, who don't blindly follow all the other sheep.