Help It's my birthday tomorrow and looking at my life i think it's time i end the pain

[ScaredGirl]

Im 21 in 4 hours GMT Ive tries to find happiness and hope but I'm trans female overweight have terrible genetics. I'm disabled, unloved, unable to get an income, I'm 4 years on voice therapy and 2 years on hrt and I'm still not happy with my results I don't pass at all... I have no friends and my adhd and autism plus my cptsd and truama has me socially incapable.. the fibro and eds has me wheelchair bound and in agony and I really have nothing to live for.. I want to be happy and be cis female with the right parts body voice and face but that's noy happening and nobody ever wants to be my friend for real I'm either too boring too weird too shy too autistic too anxious.

So I've given it some more days of thought since my last post and I've gotten my doctor to give promethazine. I asked for metoclopramide but I think he knows what I want it. I'm getting some SN soon with some Christmas money and I take omeprazole already.

I take daily naproxen pregabalin citalopram progynova and omeprazole


Will these meds cause any issues with the SN and is the promethazine suitable for helping prevent me from vomiting?

I want to live and be happy but I can't accept the things I can't change and can't change the things I can't accept I try my best to do cbt overcome my truama anxiety make frienda find a family do hobbies practice things but I don't enjoy things anymore nobody wants me in their lives despite how kind loving sweet and gentle I am. I'm not good at anything and I can't get surgeries for my dysphoria and my genetics and bone structure are too messed up for hrt to work..

Any help is appreciated...

Many thanks...
~Lillie...

 

[WornOutLife]

Hi! I'm sorry you're feeling like this. 21 is a very important number for me. I wouldn't call it a "lucky" but "mysterious number" because it pops up everywhere I am and see.

I'm overweight too so I kinda understand you.

I really hope that you can find peace with whatever decision you make.

Btw, if I don't see you around, wish you a Happy B-Day!!! You can also pm me whenever you want.

Hugs and love!

 

[WitheringAway]

Sounds like a lot to deal with at once. You seem like a strong person having been dealing with all that for quite a while it sounds. "despite how kind loving sweet and gentle I am" I'm glad you know your worth. Self awareness is very important. I have so much respect for you.
I wish you a happy birthday despite all that. And I'm here if you ever need to talk to someone.

 

[noaccount]

I'm sorry this is happening and that the treatments you have access to haven't been helping, it's not your fault. I'm on the autism spectrum too. Just because you don't 'pass' as a different kind of woman (cis woman) doesn't mean the way you're a woman is wrong at all. <3
If the vaccine stops the covid pandemic, you might have different options soon? Like moving to somewhere that's more socially accepting? Or indoor pools might open again, which is a smaller thing, but floating in water can take the pressure off the joints for a while and help with chronic pain.

 

[greebo6]

I'm so sorry it like this for you.

Its my birthday 1 week today. And I think its time I ended it too.