Venting It's just not getting better

[inhabitinglots]

I apologize I'm venting again. I hope this is the right forum to post this in if not I can delete, and sorry if this isn't formatted well.

It's just not getting better no matter what. Nothing feels good no matter what it is. I really am trying but there's just so much shit and I seemingly continue to fuck myself over each and every single time to the point I'm not sure if I'm completely fucking up my life or not. At this point I'm too scared to ask. Like I don't know if I've just ruined it and I got one solution left if that makes sense. I want this to be a life worth living, and it really hasn't been. I don't know if anyone will relate to this.

I have a feeling the answer is yes but I'll ask anyway; does anyone else feel like this?? Like you're trying so hard and you really want to be happy but nothing including yourself is working in your favor? I have so much work to do and I'm literally laying here writing this instead. Unlike in the past I don't actively want to die but I don't want to be here if this is it. If I can't cope with the littlest things in life. How does anyone else deal with it? Am I going through a hard time or just literally incompatible with living?

Anyway that's all I have right now, I haven't seen y'all in a while haha, also sorry if I'm bad at replying to anyone in the thread, I read them all but have trouble responding (ex. my unopened emails )

 

[neurotic]

Like I don't know if I've just ruined it and I got one solution left if that makes sense. I want this to be a life worth living, and it really hasn't been.

This might be your issue. It's never enough. Everything you do, all your improvements, and relationships you might feel could be better.
I don't know what's going on in your life, but I assure you, you're not alone in feeling this way. It's such a better alternative to leave this cruel world than struggling and questioning everything you do. I'm constantly asking myself these exact questions all the time. I hope things do get better with time if you're willing to see it through, and I want you to know I genuinely care. I wish the best for you.

 

[inhabitinglots]

I'm constantly asking myself these exact questions all the time. I hope things do get better with time if you're willing to see it through, and I want you to know I genuinely care. I wish the best for you.

Hey! I hope youre doing well and this genuinely meant a lot to me, im sorry you can relate but it was really comforting to know im not alone and ur message got me thru those last couple of weeks in may and june. thank you again im so sorry it took me so long to reply. I did see it through for now and its not terrible rn, even if it is stressful. I wish the best for you too

 

[Dr. Henjin]

Nah, you're absolutely not alone. I feel like that almost word for word. Especially the not enjoying things part. Depression is a bitch, I literally don't derive enjoyment from almost anything anymore. Mostly if I'm not working at this point I just drink and play chess. Or MTGA. And that's just because if I'm playing a "thinking" type 1v1 competitive brain my ADHD locks in on it and that's all I see. Helps me forget about everything else including my own fucked up mental state. But eventually that runs out too. It's really exhausting and feels like I never truly "rest."

 

[Zegers]

nothing including yourself is working in your favor?

Relatable.