It’s hard to motivate myself

[anhedonicNfoggy]

I'm still really exhausted. I'm either laying in bed or occasionally going to the bathroom

I'm reeking pretty much. Normally if there's outsiders around, the stress of being known as the person who doesn't shower makes me immediately head in. It's still exhausting tho. You need to find a set of clothes. You have to rush to rub the soap all over. You also need to stand. It kinda takes a lot of thinking like oh, you missed your ears so you gotta do that. And if we're anyways expected to shower the next day and the next and the next… why not just push it to the end. More laundry to wash too if done everyday.

Yeah it's odd that I think like this. Only reason I bother to brush is bc I'm worried about enamel damage which is permanent.

Eating is such a chore too. At least when I'm at my college dorm, I can throw away snacks when they expire and it's not like I'll be contacted for rarely going to the dining hall. It's awkward at home tho. My mom wants me to eat and gives me a plate of what she cooked. I'm really not in the mood though. I'm not even in the mood to drink a glass of water. But yea I should be grateful but still it's hard. Like even if I do have good intentions, time passes by fast and before I know it, I left it out too long and fruit flies are on it. Gross I know.

 

[AbsurdCapybara]

Why can't eating be a chore for me too? I often gatekeep myself by thinking I can't possibly be as depressed as I think if I still love eating. But if you give me a choice between a peaceful way to ctb vs the most delicious cupcake in the world I will ctb every time. No really I swear.

 

[aGoodDayToDie]

Yeah I had to eat today :-/ my gf cooked for us. I can easily go 3 days without eating. I really hate eating.

And I'm struggling to maintain my goal of 2 baths a week. More like 4-5 days now. No motivation to do much in life. Groundhog day but with the laziest bastard you've ever known.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand feeling so tired of existing here, I just see existing in general as being so tedious and burdensome, eating is such a chore for me as well, it's just something I do to avoid further suffering in this futile process where I'm just waiting around to die.