Venting It’s happening again.

[distantutopia]

I thought that I left this site for good this time. I was healing, I really was.
But for a couple of months it got worse. I'm arguing with everyone, I'm stressing out every single person around me. I'm so fucking miserable and the thoughts about ctb - again - cross my mind. The one who really breaks me tho is my boyfriend. Watching porn and other stuff that make me feel like I'm fucking worthless. Like I'm some replaceable merchandise. We argued - a lot - and he came with every excuse he could find. For the first time I was really scared of him, scared that he would beat the living shit out of me. I'm so done with this life and I'm so done with every person.
Dear God why me, why can't I just be happy for once, why do I always feel the need to kms. Why does everyone around me treat me like shit. I wanna die so bad again, I'm so fucking scared rn.

 

[gottacheckout]

It really sounds like you are spiraling right now. I've spiraled more times than I could count. What helps me is to break it down into parts and concentrate on one part at a time. It is a lot less intimidating.

If you feel a need to talk feel free to message me

 

[distantutopia]

It really sounds like you are spiraling right now. I've spiraled more times than I could count. What helps me is to break it down into parts and concentrate on one part at a time. It is a lot less intimidating.

If you feel a need to talk feel free to message me

I've spiraled so many times it's disgusting.
I try to cope with it but my thoughts put so much pressure on me.

Thank u sm!

 

[SadBumblebee]

The journey to recovery can go up and down like a rollercoaster, and things can get worse before they get better. It happens to me, it happens to gottacheckout, it happens to a lot of people. I believe in you, and while everyone in your life might be shitty, I promise there are good people out there that will make you see the value in yourself.

 

[distantutopia]

The journey to recovery can go up and down like a rollercoaster, and things can get worse before they get better. It happens to me, it happens to gottacheckout, it happens to a lot of people. I believe in you, and while everyone in your life might be shitty, I promise there are good people out there that will make you see the value in yourself.

Thank you for your kind words but I don't believe in "getting better". It never gets better. Life gives you a small glimpse of hope before crushing everything you built down into pieces.

 

[gottacheckout]

How are you doing today? Has your spiraling slowed down any?

 

[distantutopia]

How are you doing today? Has your spiraling slowed down any?

I guess so. I just feel….numb.
Everything in my apartment is silent, not a single noise, just me and the silence.
But at least I don't have any thoughts rn.
Thanks for checking in tho….much appreciated!

 

[gottacheckout]

Numb and quiet is an improvement. You can now start healing.

I check in because we need to take care of each other here, no one else seems to. I hope you have a good day

 

[distantutopia]

Numb and quiet is an improvement. You can now start healing.

I check in because we need to take care of each other here, no one else seems to. I hope you have a good day

Thank you.
That's true, we're the only ones that care for each other. Hope u also have a great day