Discussion 'It's easier to feel sad' Do you put on a happy face for others? Poll

[Forever Sleep]

Maybe this should be in off-topic but, I was curious to get the opinions of suicidal/ unhappy people who do or don't hide their true selves.

I tend to cry most days. When I visit my parents, I'll inevitably lose it at some point and cry. My Dad's never been good with tears. Almost immediately, he'll tell me to stop. Not in a violent or aggressive way. More in a: 'Come on now, you have to fight it' type of way. A repression if you like. Personally, I don't think that's helpful. I don't think repressed emotion goes away. I think it just festers. I think it's much better to express it and work through it.

He said the last time though that, it was 'easier to feel sad.' To give in to it I suppose. Perhaps he's right. It takes an enormous amount of effort to hide it. I think that's mostly where his annoyance comes from though. That he maybe did feel like he had to hide emotions to remain strong for the family.

I kind of admire people who 'put on a happy face' for the sake of others. I think it's massively selfless. Probably not all that healthy for them though.

I think I probably also felt a bit offended. That feeling sad was unchallenging or, enjoyable almost. I think it depends on the type of sadness. Like, certain levels are more comfortable than others. I don't think someone in a massively deep depression is taking the easy option! I'm not sure they have much control over how they feel at that point. I don't know. Maybe fighting sadness at the start works, before it takes a grip. I'm perfectly willing to accept that I do wallow in melancholly a lot. Probably because it is familiar and unchallenging.

I guess the issue here though is- are we talking about temporary low mood or, depression? Does one lead to the other maybe if you don't fight it? If you do suffer with depression, was that your path or, did it just hit full on out of the blue?

What are your feelings/ experiences though. Do you try to pretend you're ok when you're not? Are you able to even? Does it help or, just make it worse?

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I have always put on a front to survive my childhood etc. It is a coping mechanism.

I would absolutely hate being any different, because I am the type that doesn't want to be a burden. I have always felt a burden anyway, so that would make matters much worse.

I always look happy, but it is all pretend. To the point mental health professionals didn't know there was anything wrong, even though I literally just tried to hang myself.

I also would not want anyone to know my problems, or pity me. I don't like pity, empathy yes, but pity, no no, no! I am very independent and wouldn't want to be seen as any different.

I prefer to keep things to myself, because that way, I'm not reliant on others. I think it's important to remember you cannot rely on others for anything, ONLY yourself. Looking at it this way also lowers your expectations, and overall makes you feel more reliant on yourself (which is only a good thing). I've been independent my entire life and never relied on anyone for anything - because I learned in childhood that you cannot - even those that are supposed to take care of you, will not, therefore, you only have yourself.

That was very long and winded, and repetitive, I do apologise.

 

[Forveleth]

As I get older (40) and have less patience for bullshit, I have started hiding my depression less and less. I have started with those closest to me (partner, close friends) but I'm slowly pretending less and less around coworkers, random strangers, etc.
Two factors influenced this. One, I am just exhausted and pretending takes a lot of energy. I just don't have the ability to do it anymore. Two, if we really want to "normalize" depression and mental illness, we can't do it by hiding the problem. So I have started hesitating less and less telling people I'm not well because it's the damn truth and, quite frankly, they asked.

 

[Forever Sleep]

As I get older (40) and have less patience for bullshit, I have started hiding my depression less and less. I have started with those closest to me (partner, close friends) but I'm slowly pretending less and less around coworkers, random strangers, etc.
Two factors influenced this. One, I am just exhausted and pretending takes a lot of energy. I just don't have the ability to do it anymore. Two, if we really want to "normalize" depression and mental illness, we can't do it by hiding the problem. So I have started hesitating less and less telling people I'm not well because it's the damn truth and, quite frankly, they asked.

This is me too- I'm 44. I feel less apologetic for emotions now. The last time my Dad got annoyed at me for crying, I got annoyed back. It's abnormal not to expect people to grieve for people. Even years after they've gone. Now, it's getting to the stage that he's crying over stuff. I'm so tempted to act cold but I'm trying to be bigger than that. Sorry- rather indulgent rant there.

I've tried to take a slightly different tactic of just not being around people to inflict my negativity on them! I can do small, upbeat talk for brief periods to relative strangers but, I don't really see why we should be lieing to friends/ family. And, I just can't be bothered anymore.

I agree too. I'm not sure how healthy it is overall for people to pretend they're fine when they're not. If the 'normies' out there truly want to prevent things getting so bad for people that they suicide, they ought to be glad that they open up in the early stages of them having difficulties.

 

[areyousafe??]

Yes, to everyone around me (family members, work colleagues etc.) It is absolutely exhausting.

 

[Nadir]

no. fuck this life and fuck fake emotions to sell an idea they can ride. i wont trick others beyond simply staying quiet. i hate this life. i despise people telling lies verbal or not, that they feel different than they do, becaues i can see right through it so it just presents as a desperate puppet clinging to his pantomime ways, to hide, to hide themselves and pretend and keep enforcing this lie, that all of this goes anywhere worthwhile - that its worth it. we all know here that it isnt. those who dont follow, the vast majority, havent found any answers, just been pushed to tricks and rituals to continue despite the pain, they cannot fathom being this honest. suicide is one of the most honest gestures you can ever perform, a big bold admittance that it isnt worth it, that youd throw the rest of your life away because you notice how shit it is, that you dont hide than from anyone but proclaim it loudly, walking away from a burning lie that has always been right in front of your eyes. rest in peace. you wont find that in life, only death.

 

[WeDontKnowTheFuture]

Yes i do with most people, specially because i have a roommate and i do not want to bother him with my low mood and problems, i feel like i have to do it to be able to live with someone in some way. As being transparent like i did in the past brought me problems, i think that most people can't tolerate going around with someone desperate. I'd like to be more transparent with the person i live with but i really feel like it is not a good option. somewhere it bothers me not to feel free to be totally authentic, good luck finding someone who accepts someone desperate in a society where it is advocated that there is always a solution to everything.

 

[LostLily]

I always had to suppress my emotions because I don't want to to burden people and I grew up in a family that activity discourages showing feelings. Growing up if I cried my dad would scream at me to stop. And the few times I revealed my darkness to people they were horrified and I felt guilty for burdening them with my issues.

 

[yaa]

Maybe this should be in off-topic but, I was curious to get the opinions of suicidal/ unhappy people who do or don't hide their true selves.

I tend to cry most days. When I visit my parents, I'll inevitably lose it at some point and cry. My Dad's never been good with tears. Almost immediately, he'll tell me to stop. Not in a violent or aggressive way. More in a: 'Come on now, you have to fight it' type of way. A repression if you like. Personally, I don't think that's helpful. I don't think repressed emotion goes away. I think it just festers. I think it's much better to express it and work through it.

He said the last time though that, it was 'easier to feel sad.' To give in to it I suppose. Perhaps he's right. It takes an enormous amount of effort to hide it. I think that's mostly where his annoyance comes from though. That he maybe did feel like he had to hide emotions to remain strong for the family.

I kind of admire people who 'put on a happy face' for the sake of others. I think it's massively selfless. Probably not all that healthy for them though.

I think I probably also felt a bit offended. That feeling sad was unchallenging or, enjoyable almost. I think it depends on the type of sadness. Like, certain levels are more comfortable than others. I don't think someone in a massively deep depression is taking the easy option! I'm not sure they have much control over how they feel at that point. I don't know. Maybe fighting sadness at the start works, before it takes a grip. I'm perfectly willing to accept that I do wallow in melancholly a lot. Probably because it is familiar and unchallenging.

I guess the issue here though is- are we talking about temporary low mood or, depression? Does one lead to the other maybe if you don't fight it? If you do suffer with depression, was that your path or, did it just hit full on out of the blue?

What are your feelings/ experiences though. Do you try to pretend you're ok when you're not? Are you able to even? Does it help or, just make it worse?

I don't pretend I look how I feel and people think I'm an asshole. They assume ish about me before getting to know who I am. I have a rbf, I don't owe anyone anything and I don't have to get over how I feel because I didn't ask to exist. Ive been forcefully given this life so I'll do whatever tf I want as long as it ain't hurting nobody, if people wanna be pressed because I'm too real or too silent then that's their issue not mine. It's not my fault they're too wussy to see reality for what it is. I don't think it's selfless to put on a happy face, I think it's insane and it adds more horror to the world full of bad shit happening seeing a bunch of clowns in a world of chaos and mayhem dancing, getting married, happy go to work an get paid a shitty paycheck time and time again, happy for no fucking reason. Nothing to smile about on planet earth unless you're delusional or don't give af others pain

no. fuck this life and fuck fake emotions to sell an idea they can ride. i wont trick others beyond simply staying quiet. i hate this life. i despise people telling lies verbal or not, that they feel different than they do, becaues i can see right through it so it just presents as a desperate puppet clinging to his pantomime ways, to hide, to hide themselves and pretend and keep enforcing this lie, that all of this goes anywhere worthwhile - that its worth it. we all know here that it isnt. those who dont follow, the vast majority, havent found any answers, just been pushed to tricks and rituals to continue despite the pain, they cannot fathom being this honest. suicide is one of the most honest gestures you can ever perform, a big bold admittance that it isnt worth it, that youd throw the rest of your life away because you notice how shit it is, that you dont hide than from anyone but proclaim it loudly, walking away from a burning lie that has always been right in front of your eyes. rest in peace. you wont find that in life, only death.

Honestly I hate it too it's like I see horror I know what's happening around the word yet there's a world of glib people, happy completely unaware of shit looking like idiots or severely unaware. Ignoring this serious unpredictable world of fates. It makes you feel crazy when you see the sheep all following each other merrily off a cliff

no. fuck this life and fuck fake emotions to sell an idea they can ride. i wont trick others beyond simply staying quiet. i hate this life. i despise people telling lies verbal or not, that they feel different than they do, becaues i can see right through it so it just presents as a desperate puppet clinging to his pantomime ways, to hide, to hide themselves and pretend and keep enforcing this lie, that all of this goes anywhere worthwhile - that its worth it. we all know here that it isnt. those who dont follow, the vast majority, havent found any answers, just been pushed to tricks and rituals to continue despite the pain, they cannot fathom being this honest. suicide is one of the most honest gestures you can ever perform, a big bold admittance that it isnt worth it, that youd throw the rest of your life away because you notice how shit it is, that you dont hide than from anyone but proclaim it loudly, walking away from a burning lie that has always been right in front of your eyes. rest in peace. you wont find that in life, only death.

Honestly I hate it too it's like I see horror I know what's happening around the word yet there's a world of glib people, happy completely unaware of shit looking like idiots or severely unaware. Ignoring this serious unpredictable world of fates. It makes you feel crazy when you see the sheep all following each other merrily off a cliff

 

[ShatteredSerenity]

Mental illness and trauma have left me in such a profound state of depression and shock that it's physically impossible for me to pretend to be anything else. It's challenging when anybody tries to talk to me because all I can think about is misery and suicide. Usually I just cut conversations short with one or two word responses.

 

[Adûnâi]

I literally never interact with people. Only have my mom to torture (over the phone). Previous years I went to uni, never talked to anyone because don't know how. So no, I'm effectively a monkey, and these questions only concern humans with social lives.

 

[YandereMikuMistress]

I literally never interact with people. Only have my mom to torture (over the phone). Previous years I went to uni, never talked to anyone because don't know how. So no, I'm effectively a monkey, and these questions only concern humans with social lives.

Literally

 

[cazza82]

I did but recently I've found it harder and harder to Put on that front of pretending I'm ok I can't hide it anymore I'm always crying emotional sad recently I've been getting more and more angry like total rage angry at everyone and the world

 

[-nobodyknows-]

I generally try to. I like being around others, and expressing my self-destructive emotions tends to scare them off.