It's crazy how most people have no idea what you're going through

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

My coworkers know about my chronic illness because I had to tell them after I first got it, and was unable to work for a few weeks while I got it more under control. But now things are back to 'normal' even though I'll never be normal again. They ask 'how's the stomach?' and I just have to say some bullshit like 'it doesn't bother me much anymore, I just have to watch what I eat and make sure I get enough sleep', when the reality is that it causes me so much pain that I constantly wish for death.

But it's not socially acceptable to say that, it's not acceptable to not be okay. It's fine for a bit, but then you have to go back to normal.

And I just have to sit through meetings and present data like everything's normal, like my stomach doesn't feel like it's being turned inside out. And my boss is telling me about 'you should do this, it would look good on your CV, good for your future career, and you'll thank yourself 10 years from now.' They have no idea. I don't give a shit about something ten years from now. I don't want to be be alive ten years from now. I don't care about politics, about the company's impact, about abstract theoretical ideas when it feels like my intestines are having a fucking seizure. Nothing else matters when I'm in pain.

But I just have to pretend it's normal, and talk about things that will happen five years from now when I want to be hanging from a tree branch five minutes from now. Fuck this world.

 

[SilentSadness]

That must be very painful, having to put up with chronic pain alongside that kind of toxic positivity must be unbearable. It is understandable to want to die, I agree that people are just blind to the reality. I hope something happens to ease your pain.