Venting It’s been a long time coming...

[LandLockedMermaid]

I'm 34, I had a real attempt about a month ago? Sometimes I feel like I have no sense of time.
I tried to drown myself and since then I've felt nothing but anxiousness to get back to the sea. It's a heavy burden knowing that I want to leave despite all of the love.
My students, my family and some of my coworkers.
But I feel disjointed, I feel like a loaf of bread that's been out way past it's expired date.
I see no future for myself.
I feel nothing.
I'm a huge fantasy and scifi nerd and I'm willing to go before I've seen and read what's upcoming.
Atleast I saw Captain Marvel :)
I'm really tired and can't go on living for everyone else. I look, act and speak like a normal and functioning personality n but my misery is just too much to cope with.
I know drowning is extremely painful but I have three weeks of rivotril to give me courage.
Thank you for this forum.

 

[Davy]

Sounds like you have some bad depersonalisation going on. If there's anything to look forward to, Endgame is coming in a few weeks

 

[Partial-Elf]

I can relate. Despite being young and having opportunities, I can't picture a future where I actually want to be alive. Once I came to terms with what death really is (eternal oblivion) it's really hard to continue picking life.

I often feel like I shouldn't be here, like things would run more smoothly without me. Not that people would be happier but that others could probably fill all my roles better and that I'm a "failed experiment" or "dead end".

I also hate that I don't have the socially sanctioned freedom to choose a humane death, and that drives me to want to ctb all the more. Of course I do have the freedom to ctb, but without the social sanctioning it will hurt a lot of people unnecessarily.

 

[LandLockedMermaid]

Sounds like you have some bad depersonalisation going on. If there's anything to look forward to, Endgame is coming in a few weeks

I barely enjoyed Captain Marvel, I saw it so I could escape having to socialize. Before I'd be so hype (before, during and after)
I've been depressed and anxious for over a decade. But feeling nothing has tipped me over the edge, I hope I'm naking sense...