Its always going to end in suicide for me.

[FireFox]

It's always going to end in suicide for me. I never belonged in this world and was never made for life. I have finally been driven to kill myself because there is no light at the end of the tunnel anymore. At 27 I have nothing to live for no partner of my own, no career and I can't navigate this world.

I feel like my existence is an error in God's design. When I reached out for help people around me dismissed me nobody cared enough to listen or take seriously how I was feeling and in the end I felt like I didn't have a friend in the world.

I really wanted to live but the help for my mental health problems was inaccessible to me. I have all these aunties, uncles , cousins who can't call for help because they like to gossip and see other family members fail. My favourite auntie in the family was one who gossiped my private business to the family and told everyone I was crazy and needed to see a witch doctor. This relative is a qualified nurse in the USA but wanted me to be exposed to harmful treatments. My family continue to be in deep denial over how these relatives they love and help so much don't even care about them. When I dare speak out I get.

Every guy I have ever loved i gave them nothing but love, kindness but they always rejected it and never respected me. I will always be the woman who never gets picked. The guy i am in love with he doesn't even care about my existence as a person. It's painful his rejction everyday. The woman who ends up with him she will be the luckiest woman in the world. I am never going to meet a better man than him.

All my life I have been fighter and never a quitter but I am done fighting. For me suicide is just an escape from the world. Life is a game and I am done playing and going along with this scam because society and religion told me to do so.

 

[Kanashii]

I feel where you're coming from. It's so true that life is a scam. Partners never do anything for us despite the things that we give them, and finally, there is never proper support for mental health no matter how much people say to they care or want to help.

There has been many times where I've thought there has been light at the end of the tunnel only for it to go out. Like someone flicking the switch for a light bulb.
Things can get better over time. As they say m time is a healer. Patience is also important in life. I'm not trying to change your mind as I have been in your position many times.
All I'm saying is sometimes holding out can help. Life is strange as we never really know or anticipate what is going to happen next.
I hope that whatever you do, whatever your next move is, you find peace.

I'm always here in case you want to chat. I'm a firm believer in venting can sometimes really help. As well if you change your mind, Im here as well as others.
Life is a game. And it seems only few win it. We all get played and life is sometimes a huge con. We might think that whoever does control this world whether it's God or something evil, that they might just be the worlds best con artist. Promising everything, delivering nothing.

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

Same. A matter of when, not if.

 

[Dai]

You shouldn't have to suffer anymore. One day we'll all rest easy.

 

[human909]

The fact that this world doesn't let us leave and they know all the pain we are going through is just mad. I hope that we all find peace.

 

[FireFox]

Same. A matter of when, not if.

@Alexei_Kirillov I am just tired of it all. I am exhausted of all everything.

We didn't ask to be born so why should we be forced to live in a world we don't want to live in and a society that doesn't want help with people with their problems and treats those with mental illness as a burden.

The fact that this world doesn't let us leave and they know all the pain we are going through is just mad. I hope that we all find peace.

@human909 It's because people are selfish. Nobody wants to deal with planning the mentally unstable family members funeral and going through the discomfort of grief.

 

[FireFox]

You shouldn't have to suffer anymore. One day we'll all rest easy.

@Dai I just want to sleep and never wake up

 

[Dai]

@Dai I just want to sleep and never wake up

Acceptance is a basic human need, it's completely understandable not wanting to play this game anymore when the ones you love don't feel the same. It's absolute torture, and even worse when you have no supportive family members you can trust to help out.

I read your posts a lot, and can somewhat relate to your problems so I feel your pain, and sincerely hope for you to get to a better place to stop suffering soon. One way or another.

@FireFox

 

[mango000]

i feel your pain. i know that im not cut out for this world, and nothing i can do will ever be enough to change that.

 

[Well_Its_Time]

I can fully relate what you are saying. After Covid, to find a psychiatrist, it is impossible. I finally have a therapist, but it is too little too late. My meds are off and no one wants me to take other things and I am an alcoholic which has finally broken up my marriage to an amazing woman.