Venting It's all stupidly pointless!

[UselessBeing]

There have been so many times in my life that I try to convince myself that everything will turn out okay with enough work put in. Life will end up being happy. But every time I try life constantly proves me wrong. There is honestly no point trying. So much has gone on in my life. Child abuse,sexual assault ontop of a lot of other shitty things. I've taken life into my own hands and have done the work. I got help got a good education but it wasn't enough for anyone. Or even me. The more I've done the more I've realized how my life is proven to be useless. I'm so tired of waking up every day. I'm tired of cleaning the house and being alone.

I can't keep my husbands attention and we haven't even been married that long. I've dressed up, put on make up boughten all sorts of new clothes ect but he won't touch me. He only has sex with me long enough to fuffill what he needs and thats every once in a while if I'm lucky he will actually last more than 3 minutes to care about my pleasure but again that's rare... Wonder whose doing it for him now. Not that I even want to know tbh. But it's obviously not me and he doesn't care for it to. And the bugs me more than it should.

I've honestly started preparations to finally ctb. I'm sick of pussying out when I know it's what's best for me.

 

[ClownMe]

Yeah, sometimes hard work just isn't enough, if you're chronically depressed or have bad trauma it's hard to find meaning in anything because your mind just won't let you. I've tried turning my life around countless times and nothing has worked, it just feels impossible.

I'm sorry to hear that your marriage is breaking down, I don't know much about that but it was awkward and frustrating enough watching my mum and dad's marriage and all my their relationships since then break down.

Hopefully you find peace whatever you choose to do from here.

 

[FuneralCry]

I'm sorry you are suffering. Life can be cruel and unfair. I understand it is a hopeless feeling when we try to improve our lives and yet nothing works out. I hope you find the peace you are looking for.

 

[forgotten15]

I am so sorry for the things you're going through. I know how it feels when even after trying to put your life together and do your best you realise it is still not enough and no matter what you do you still feel empty.
I would like to add something about the situation with your husband…i may not know your problems, but please don't let him make you feel that way. You don't have to stay with someone if he/she doesn't make you feel good about yourself. You are valuable not matter what and if he doesn't see that then his freaking loss. I agree this life sucks and it's so hard going through it, but don't let a man add to your sorrow.