Venting Its all just...…...

[SinisterKid]

Doubts doubts and more doubts. Am I suicidal or am I just trying to make myself miserable so I feel more suicidal? I have no idea. Does someone who is crazy know they are crazy? I have no idea.

I read a post that someone wrote and it was about the pressure they felt to end their life after telling others about their constant battles with mental health and how tired they have become. I so relate to that. But it shows, to me anyway, how sick this world has become that anyone should feel even more pressured into suicide because they told someone how bad things had become for them.

I read another post about someones plans to catch their bus. Very detailed. It actually made me cry, which is not something I do very often. What else did I expect to read about here? I have been involved with suicide forums/pro life/choice, call it what you will for a long time now and read a lot about others wanting to end their lives. Few seem so serious that a person will actually do what they think they will do. This one struck me as beyond that.

They are just two instances that strike a chord with me today, maybe because of my mood or that I am alone right now. But its fuckin BS that any of us are planning on ending our lives here because the world we live in is unable to help us live meaningful lives. Suicide has always been taboo, I get that. But suicidal people were never a minority group, they were just odd people who's equilibrium was screwed up. Now, more and more people are turning to suicide as a way out of their pain, both physical and mental. That is criminal and surely anyone with half a brain cell can see, that globally, we are failing people in ever increasing numbers.

Am I bitter? I have no idea on that score either. Does the world owe me anything? Nope, nor did I ever expect anything of it. I can manage my own pain, but seeing the pain of others, so much of it, makes living so much more difficult. I can close my eyes and ears to it and pretend it doesn't exist if I choose to do that, but I have tried and it does not work for me. Is it possible that I can do something about it? Well dead or alive, it appears that the vast majority of this world does not give a fuck. It is alright Jack, so screw you/me. Lets keep people l like us marginalised and in the shadows so the world can keep turning. And if we raise too much of a fuss, look us up, sedate us and put our heads back in the sand. A fine way to treat fellow human beings. So who is going to listen to some old disabled fella who is suicidal, depressed and afraid of his own haunting image? Probably no one. And therein lies the problem, we don't have a voice. Before anything can change, that needs to change.

Its a ramble, its incoherent, its venting, sure. But venting is good for the soul. If you read this far, like me, you probably need to find better ways to fill your time, but it aint gonna happen is it. Because misery breeds misery and we like being miserable, don't we. At least if we tell them that, they will feel so much better about themselves. As for today, it will go down as one of those days where nothing seems worth the effort and it will be remembered for nothing in particular. Just the way the world likes it to be.

Toodle freakin Pip.

 

[Superfluous]

I sorry my post affected you so much. I'm not suffering anywhere near as much as most here. I'm just very logical and pragmatic.

In my life, I've had bad times, good times and great times. I regret that my time is now, but it is what it is. 53 years isn't a bad innings.

Chin up.

 

[SinisterKid]

I am between a rock and a hard place. I don't know you or anything about you, but I am overjoyed that you are still here whilst fully understanding your need to not be. Certainly no need to apologise for anything. Your post at least shows I still have some empathy left inside, so clouds and silver linings kinda thing.

 

[AtomicNewt]

Doubts doubts and more doubts. Am I suicidal or am I just trying to make myself miserable so I feel more suicidal? I have no idea. Does someone who is crazy know they are crazy? I have no idea.

I read a post that someone wrote and it was about the pressure they felt to end their life after telling others about their constant battles with mental health and how tired they have become. I so relate to that. But it shows, to me anyway, how sick this world has become that anyone should feel even more pressured into suicide because they told someone how bad things had become for them.

I read another post about someones plans to catch their bus. Very detailed. It actually made me cry, which is not something I do very often. What else did I expect to read about here? I have been involved with suicide forums/pro life/choice, call it what you will for a long time now and read a lot about others wanting to end their lives. Few seem so serious that a person will actually do what they think they will do. This one struck me as beyond that.

They are just two instances that strike a chord with me today, maybe because of my mood or that I am alone right now. But its fuckin BS that any of us are planning on ending our lives here because the world we live in is unable to help us live meaningful lives. Suicide has always been taboo, I get that. But suicidal people were never a minority group, they were just odd people who's equilibrium was screwed up. Now, more and more people are turning to suicide as a way out of their pain, both physical and mental. That is criminal and surely anyone with half a brain cell can see, that globally, we are failing people in ever increasing numbers.

Am I bitter? I have no idea on that score either. Does the world owe me anything? Nope, nor did I ever expect anything of it. I can manage my own pain, but seeing the pain of others, so much of it, makes living so much more difficult. I can close my eyes and ears to it and pretend it doesn't exist if I choose to do that, but I have tried and it does not work for me. Is it possible that I can do something about it? Well dead or alive, it appears that the vast majority of this world does not give a fuck. It is alright Jack, so screw you/me. Lets keep people l like us marginalised and in the shadows so the world can keep turning. And if we raise too much of a fuss, look us up, sedate us and put our heads back in the sand. A fine way to treat fellow human beings. So who is going to listen to some old disabled fella who is suicidal, depressed and afraid of his own haunting image? Probably no one. And therein lies the problem, we don't have a voice. Before anything can change, that needs to change.

Its a ramble, its incoherent, its venting, sure. But venting is good for the soul. If you read this far, like me, you probably need to find better ways to fill your time, but it aint gonna happen is it. Because misery breeds misery and we like being miserable, don't we. At least if we tell them that, they will feel so much better about themselves. As for today, it will go down as one of those days where nothing seems worth the effort and it will be remembered for nothing in particular. Just the way the world likes it to be.

Toodle freakin Pip.

Your post is very eloquent and highlights that far from suicidal people being selfish, they are often the most emphatic,. They know what extreme pain feels like and feel compassionate towards others. Yours, and many other threads here, point out that people here are not just troubled by their own suffering but the suffering of all, in a largely uncaring world.

Vent away, here you know you have people who understand. How people can see this place as evil and uncaring shows how little they know. Even in the depths of extreme pain there's a desire to help and nurture whatever needs it is for those who have been let down, overlooked and misunderstood.