Story It's all empty...

[Derailed17]

Hello all... this is my first post.

I've been feeling the same for over 4 years now. Every day is the same, nothing happens. I wake up, I go to work, I study and back to sleep again. And repeat... Over and over again...

At this point I just feel like an empty shell, a machine doing the same shit every day.

I thought this would heal by itself overtime, "just a bad phase", It isn't, it's only going worse and worse.

Lately, when I meet up with friends I don't feel as I used to. I mean, I feel better when I'm with my friends, but it's so brief... It's like nothing. This worries me, as it was one of the few things I was holding onto...

I've considered to CTB, but it scares me. I don't want to hurt my family and friends because I still love them.

 

[cheese.out]

Welcome to the forum, thanks for sharing your thoughts ❤ This numbness is a harsh experience - It always feels like just living for others and wanting to exit but at the same time being attached to (a hopefully loving and caring) family and friends makes ctb very hard (for me also).

 

[FuneralCry]

I do understand that it really can be so dreadful feeling trapped in an existence that feels so empty, I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

 

[Derailed17]

Welcome to the forum, thanks for sharing your thoughts ❤ This numbness is a harsh experience - It always feels like just living for others and wanting to exit but at the same time being attached to (a hopefully loving and caring) family and friends makes ctb very hard (for me also).

I do understand that it really can be so dreadful feeling trapped in an existence that feels so empty, I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

Thank you all. I still haven't lost all hope. But it's really hard.

 

[feder]

Welcome to SaSu!
When every day and every week is the same life gets so dull and boring. Friends do help but they can't alter how you feel on the inside. Do you talk with them about how you are feeling or you keep it to yourself?
If you have people you can trust talking about it may help with some of the pain.
Or maybe, if you havent yet, try therapy?
Wanting to ctb but being unable to because of family is a thing I'm experiencing too. It's not easy to ctb when you have someone who loves you.
Hopefully you feel better, or you find a way out if you want that.
Best wishes!