"It'll hurt us more if you're gone"

[Boots2Scoots]

Getting real sick of hearing this phrase. Try to open up and you just get nailed by a guilt bomb. "But think about what it would do to your mom". And my favorite, "I'll never forgive you if you do" -- good. I don't want forgiveness. I know it's going to hurt and I'm sorry but newsflash -- I'll be fucking dead and gone. I get it, grief that ctb causes on others is immense. But c'mon. None of that changes how someone's brain functions. None of that changes the fact that every second of every day it feels like there's someone in there orchestrating a symphony of depression, anguish, and self loathing.

done attempting to open up to loved ones. Just. Let. Me. Die. In. Peace.
Then move on with your fairy tail lives and go be happy. I dug my own grave, so let me rot in it.

*end rant*

Edit: if you have any favorite quotes like that from friends or family, post em below!

 

[Darkover]

the fact death can happen at any time, anywhere, and to anyone is what your family signed up for doesn't matter that your death is self inflicted doesn't change anything If death can come at any time, why do people act as if it will never come?

 

[Boots2Scoots]

the fact death can happen at any time, anywhere, and to anyone is what your family signed up for doesn't matter that your death is self inflicted doesn't change anything If death can come at any time, why do people act as if it will never come?

Exactly. It's a part of this whole thing called life. And not all of us are "fortunate" enough to have long and happy ones. Tough shit.

 

[Thomas Rekowicz]

When life Has nothing to offer to you anymore other people should not force you to live. I will left my friends and lil brother IT will hurt them but IT is better that way than being useless unemployed disabled mentaly and physicly. We should celebrate life of a person after his or her death like IT is done in mexican culture not grieve about a loss and fell bad about it. Family and close friends should celebrate that person which they love was with them and celebrate all good memories they have with this person IT would makes things so much easier

 

[pyranha]

a long time ago, i watched a video that [someone whose name i'm leaving out] made on youtube. it was a very popular video- she was crying and describing why people shouldn't kill themselves, explaining her own personal experience of having to survive the grief of losing her little sister. i read the small book she published regarding this experience, as well. i remember that it left a bad taste in my mouth. she lost someone very dear to her, which is incredibly sad, and i'm sorry that she suffered so- she's allowed to talk about it and grieve- i agree with all of that. but. the way she spoke about it, i suppose, is how many people speak about it- with this air that what happened was unfair. that the suicidal person did an unfair act that shattered peoples lives. her little sister committed suicide in the privacy of her room and didn't leave any commentary for her family members within her note, she only left loving words for her school friends, which is a point that [youtuber] spoke of very directly.

i'm not a part of their family, obviously, so i can't pretend that i understand the situation. but i still think about that video and book to this day. it felt that she, like many, found the act itself unfair, and couldn't comprehend why her sister would have any ill feelings towards their family, why she would kill herself in such a fashion without even a goodbye.

there's a lot of shaming and guilt assigning involved with things like this- a lot of anger about "why couldn't you stay for me?". but someone's life must be lived for themselves, not anyone else. we are the only people who live in our bodies and know the full extent of what we go through everyday. how is it fair or kind to tell us that we should stay for the feelings of others? what about my feelings, do they not matter first? am i not the person who has to live my reality everyday?

 

[Boots2Scoots]

Another favorite, "you're just trying to take the easy way out" -- mf you try to ctb and tell me how easy it is. This is the hardest god damn thing I've ever wanted to do.

 

[Thomas Rekowicz]

Another favorite, "you're just trying to take the easy way out" -- mf you try to ctb and tell me how easy it is. This is the hardest god damn thing I've ever wanted to do.

This was always hilarious to me that CTB require balls of steel and pure determination bigger than SI combined with acceptance of physical pain during a proces and risk of being disabled if something go wrong but people still think IT is easy to CTB.

 

[CravingPeace]

This is always what I logically think as well. Like, you have no idea of the anguish and agony I'm going through - it's unfair of YOU to expect me to continue suffering in this way just to appease you.

But on the other hand, I emotionally think & feel that it would be awful of me to put those I care about in their own anguish via grief.

Quite a double edged sword

 

[grapevoid]

I couldn't even mention suicide to my ex spouse without him accusing me of being manipulative. Then when I actually attempted it he acted completely shocked like I hadn't been openly telling him for the past year I was feeling very suicidal. lol!

After the fact he told me "you need to just stop, it's stupid"

10/10 for support
I actually ended that relationship of 4 years because his complete lack of empathy was just making me more suicidal.
I'm still gonna do it, I'm just not going to let a man be the thing that pushed me over the edge.

 

[Boots2Scoots]

I couldn't even mention suicide to my ex spouse without him accusing me of being manipulative. Then when I actually attempted it he acted completely shocked like I hadn't been openly telling him for the past year I was feeling very suicidal. lol!

After the fact he told me "you need to just stop, it's stupid"

10/10 for support
I actually ended that relationship of 4 years because his complete lack of empathy was just making me more suicidal.

This. I can't discuss even just my depression with my partner because it blows up in my face if I do. The last time I mentioned thoughts of suicide, she blacked out with anger, broke stuff and threw stuff around the house. Now whenever she gives me attitude when I'm down in the dumps, I get hit with "i bet you're just using this as fuel to kys".

I'm sorry you had to go through experiencing a partner like that. He sounds like he was a real dildo (and not the fun kind)

 

[grapevoid]

a long time ago, i watched a video that [someone whose name i'm leaving out] made on youtube. it was a very popular video- she was crying and describing why people shouldn't kill themselves, explaining her own personal experience of having to survive the grief of losing her little sister. i read the small book she published regarding this experience, as well. i remember that it left a bad taste in my mouth. she lost someone very dear to her, which is incredibly sad, and i'm sorry that she suffered so- she's allowed to talk about it and grieve- i agree with all of that. but. the way she spoke about it, i suppose, is how many people speak about it- with this air that what happened was unfair. that the suicidal person did an unfair act that shattered peoples lives. her little sister committed suicide in the privacy of her room and didn't leave any commentary for her family members within her note, she only left loving words for her school friends, which is a point that [youtuber] spoke of very directly.

i'm not a part of their family, obviously, so i can't pretend that i understand the situation. but i still think about that video and book to this day. it felt that she, like many, found the act itself unfair, and couldn't comprehend why her sister would have any ill feelings towards their family, why she would kill herself in such a fashion without even a goodbye.

there's a lot of shaming and guilt assigning involved with things like this- a lot of anger about "why couldn't you stay for me?". but someone's life must be lived for themselves, not anyone else. we are the only people who live in our bodies and know the full extent of what we go through everyday. how is it fair or kind to tell us that we should stay for the feelings of others? what about my feelings, do they not matter first? am i not the person who has to live my reality everyday?

It has to be some kind of deflection, the way people respond to suicide. Like, a guilt projection. They can't cope with the fact that they didn't or couldn't help/stop you so they reassign those feelings onto the dead person. Which is fine, whatever, they're dead so they don't much care.

This. I can't discuss even just my depression with my partner because it blows up in my face if I do. The last time I mentioned thoughts of suicide, she blacked out with anger, broke stuff and threw stuff around the house. Now whenever she gives me attitude when I'm down in the dumps, I get hit with "i bet you're just using this as fuel to kys".

I'm sorry you had to go through experiencing a partner like that. He sounds like he was a real dildo (and not the fun kind)

I'm so sorry your partner is treating you that way.
Ffs. Imagine someone pouring their heart out to you when they're in their most vulnerable state and getting black out ANGRY. And the suicidal people are the ones with all the problems. Kms. Literally.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

"Suicide is the cowards way out."

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

"Stop being so selfish and only thinking of yourself."

The one that gets under my skin the most is the permanent solution phrase. I always say fuck you, you don't know whether my problem is permanent or not. Don't act like you know what goes on in my head.

Years ago when I was seeing a therapist, this was our conversation...

Therapist: "I know exactly how you feel."

Me: "Really? Have you ever had voices in your head, depression or anxiety, or had suicidal thoughts daily?"

Therapist: "No, but I know how you feel."

Me: "How can you know exactly how I feel if you've never had any of those things going on with you?"

Therapist: "Years of research."

Me: "Bullshit, you just told me you knew exactly how I felt. You're going by how other people felt, not how I feel. Not one person feels the same feeling as the next person."

She got silent, ended the session, then refused to see me anymore. Guess she hated being wrong.



"

 

[Boots2Scoots]

"Suicide is the cowards way out."

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

"Stop being so selfish and only thinking of yourself."

The one that gets under my skin the most is the permanent solution phrase. I always say fuck you, you don't know whether my problem is permanent or not. Don't act like you know what goes on in my head.

Years ago when I was seeing a therapist, this was our conversation...

Therapist: "I know exactly how you feel."

Me: "Really? Have you ever had voices in your head, depression or anxiety, or had suicidal thoughts daily?"

Therapist: "No, but I know how you feel."

Me: "How can you know exactly how I feel if you've never had any of those things going on with you?"

Therapist: "Years of research."

Me: "Bullshit, you just told me you knew exactly how I felt. You're going by how other people felt, not how I feel. Not one person feels the same feeling as the next person."

She got silent, ended the session, then refused to see me anymore. Guess she hated being wrong.



"

Good for you standing up to a therapist like that. I think that's why I have so much respect for my current one. He never says dumb shit like that but rather things like, "I can't imagine how this makes you feel".

you probably made that therapist completely change up the way she talks to patients. I hope so anyways.

 

[Shadows From Hell]

Good for you standing up to a therapist like that. I think that's why I have so much respect for my current one. He never says dumb shit like that but rather things like, "I can't imagine how this makes you feel".

you probably made that therapist completely change up the way she talks to patients. I hope so anyways.

There was another therapist I had that I liked. She was calm and collective, and thought about what to say before saying it.

One thing she did say that I had to agree with was, "Everyone's brain has a series of wires running though it. For some people, somewhere along the way, some wires got twisted, and that's why there are people in the same situation as you, because your brain functions differently."

It was worded kind of that way, I don't remember exactly how she said it, but that's close enough. She wasn't being condescending about it, just hitting me with some hard facts.

 

[encore]

"why couldn't you stay for me?".

agree with everything you said but this stood out most to me, because even when you DO say you're living for them, and that they're the only reason you're alive, suddenly it's "manipulative" and "not okay" and that you should find your own obscure reason to stick around. i don't like myself or my brain or whatever else enough to keep on living only for me. either be fully okay with someone suicidal depending on you for a reason to survive, or don't imply they should stay for you in the first place. you don't get to guilt trip someone into not killing themselves if you can't follow through and provide them the reason to survive they were promised.

 

[pyranha]

agree with everything you said but this stood out most to me, because even when you DO say you're living for them, and that they're the only reason you're alive, suddenly it's "manipulative" and "not okay" and that you should find your own obscure reason to stick around. i don't like myself or my brain or whatever else enough to keep on living only for me. either be fully okay with someone suicidal depending on you for a reason to survive, or don't imply they should stay for you in the first place. you don't get to guilt trip someone into not killing themselves if you can't follow through and provide them the reason to survive they were promised.

it very much reminds me of how people talk about bpd. i understand there are limits- for example, of course if your partner is verbally abusing you at the drop of a hat, you 100% have the right to leave. but if you go out of your way to make your partner feel like they can depend on you and like you can handle all the complexities that come with their disorder- just to up and leave the first time they split? or go post their suicidal rants on some reddit sub so everyone can point and laugh at how crazy your partner is? that's just cruel. it's mean and cruel for no reason. it's like you say- you can't have your cake and eat it too. either you want someone to live for you or not

 

[Shadows From Hell]

agree with everything you said but this stood out most to me, because even when you DO say you're living for them, and that they're the only reason you're alive, suddenly it's "manipulative" and "not okay" and that you should find your own obscure reason to stick around. i don't like myself or my brain or whatever else enough to keep on living only for me. either be fully okay with someone suicidal depending on you for a reason to survive, or don't imply they should stay for you in the first place. you don't get to guilt trip someone into not killing themselves if you can't follow through and provide them the reason to survive they were promised.

Or they say to others after you're gone... "I don't know why he/she didn't call me "

My phone was always on, why didn't you ever call me when I was alive? It's a two way street....

 

[encore]

it very much reminds me of how people talk about bpd. i understand there are limits- for example, of course if your partner is verbally abusing you at the drop of a hat, you 100% have the right to leave. but if you go out of your way to make your partner feel like they can depend on you and like you can handle all the complexities that come with their disorder- just to up and leave the first time they split? or go post their suicidal rants on some reddit sub so everyone can point and laugh at how crazy your partner is? that's just cruel. it's mean and cruel for no reason. it's like you say- you can't have your cake and eat it too. either you want someone to live for you or not

this hits home because i do have bpd which i ALWAYS warn people about, and yet once im symptomatic or suicidal they go back on the things they claimed... i even tell people it's okay if they later realize they can't handle being with me, it's the making fun and dismissing thing that gets me most. or being treated like a monster when i told them i don't manage well without access to medication or therapy. the self hatred is strong enough as it is, i don't need someone who clearly was never built to handle me making life worse than it already is.

 

[pyranha]

this hits home because i do have bpd which i ALWAYS warn people about, and yet once im symptomatic or suicidal they go back on the things they claimed... i even tell people it's okay if they later realize they can't handle being with me, it's the making fun and dismissing thing that gets me most. or being treated like a monster when i told them i don't manage well without access to medication or therapy. the self hatred is strong enough as it is, i don't need someone who clearly was never built to handle me making life worse than it already is.

i'm sorry you've had people be so brutal towards you before. so many people in the modern age want to pretend they're these huge mental health advocates, except the only part they really want is the right to weaponize therapy speak in times of turmoil. silly things like saying that you shouldn't ask your friends to help you move, because thats 'emotional labor- and why can't you just hire a service to do it for you, why should i ever be expected to be mildly uncomfortable or a little tired for you?'

when true mental health comes out- the gross, the suicidal, the hateful- then all of a sudden these mental health advocates disappear into thin air. most people can only handle supporting those with mild anxiety and non-obstructive depression. it's so performative. i hope you're able to find better support in the future. you're not a monster

 

[encore]

i'm sorry you've had people be so brutal towards you before. so many people in the modern age want to pretend they're these huge mental health advocates, except the only part they really want is the right to weaponize therapy speak in times of turmoil. silly things like saying that you shouldn't ask your friends to help you move, because thats 'emotional labor- and why can't you just hire a service to do it for you, why should i ever be expected to be mildly uncomfortable or a little tired for you?'

when true mental health comes out- the gross, the suicidal, the hateful- then all of a sudden these mental health advocates disappear into thin air. most people can only handle supporting those with mild anxiety and non-obstructive depression. it's so performative. i hope you're able to find better support in the future. you're not a monster

everything you've said has been on my mind for so long now too. it's only "mental health matters" until it becomes an inconvenience, and when they actually need to put in effort. pop psychology is, ironically enough, ruining relationships and making people less empathetic imo. it's absolutely not okay to avoid any sort of labor when you pursue relationships with other people. the concept of community and what it means to be human is slipping away into obscurity as we speak.

and thank you so much for validating me, you are incredibly sweet ♡

 

[usernamenoonecares]

Another favorite, "you're just trying to take the easy way out" -- mf you try to ctb and tell me how easy it is. This is the hardest god damn thing I've ever wanted to do.

First thing first. I don't think ctb is the hardest god damn thing. For people who want to ctb, having hope to live is probably most scary and difficult thing. Comparing to go back to to same suffering, ending it would be scary but merciful. CTB takes more of an instant impulse. Staying life is like drowning in an endless bottomless sea but you are not allowed to die.
Second, I think exactly the same thing "mf you try to ctb and tell me how easy it is" but it is just so funny when the words spoke from someone else instead of me thinking it in my head.

 

[Boots2Scoots]

First thing first. I don't think ctb is the hardest god damn thing. For people who want to ctb, having hope to live is probably most scary and difficult thing. Comparing to go back to to same suffering, ending would me scary but merciful. CTB takes more of an instant impulse. Staying life is like drowning in an endless sea but you are not allowed to die.
Second, I think exactly the same thing "mf you try to ctb and tell me how easy it is" but it is just so funny when the words spoke from someone else instead of me thinking it in my head.

True. Living is the one thing that seems to be harder than actually carrying out the act.

Nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks like that lmfao. Glad someone at least got a chuckle out of it. If depression is good for abything, it's for humor

 

[PI3.14]

I know my family will suffer when I CTB but such is life. Like one said, my parents signed up for the possibility of this happening when they had me.


I don't worry about the consequences of my CTB, I more worry about the feasibility of the method I've chosen as well as the time and place I'll choose to do it.

The amount of trauma I have and the problems I'm dealing with have put me in a very difficult spot. My family can in fact help solve some of them but they won't, so why stay alive for such people?

 

[usernamenoonecares]

"Suicide is the cowards way out."

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

"Stop being so selfish and only thinking of yourself."

The one that gets under my skin the most is the permanent solution phrase. I always say fuck you, you don't know whether my problem is permanent or not. Don't act like you know what goes on in my head.

Years ago when I was seeing a therapist, this was our conversation...

Therapist: "I know exactly how you feel."

Me: "Really? Have you ever had voices in your head, depression or anxiety, or had suicidal thoughts daily?"

Therapist: "No, but I know how you feel."

Me: "How can you know exactly how I feel if you've never had any of those things going on with you?"

Therapist: "Years of research."

Me: "Bullshit, you just told me you knew exactly how I felt. You're going by how other people felt, not how I feel. Not one person feels the same feeling as the next person."

She got silent, ended the session, then refused to see me anymore. Guess she hated being wrong.



"

You can't do this. You just ended her career. Now she might even join this forum.

 

[grapevoid]

Or they say to others after you're gone... "I don't know why he/she didn't call me "

My phone was always on, why didn't you ever call me when I was alive? It's a two way street....

I feel like such an asshole for this but I have often thought .. these mfers are really going to act all sad when I actually successfully ctb and talk about how great and important I was immediately after basically telling me to get over it, put on a smile and make life look easier so I don't make anyone uncomfortable.

 

[pyranha]

I feel like such an asshole for this but I have often thought .. these mfers are really going to act all sad when I actually successfully ctb and talk about how great and important I was immediately after basically telling me to get over it, put on a smile and make life look easier so I don't make anyone uncomfortable.

i don't think it's assholeish at all- i've had the same thought, and i've seen it play out in real time for several people in my life that have died. many people view death as some sort of cleanser- you can't speak ill of the dead, no matter how evil they may have been in life. whatever cruel things you said about them before they died? that can be wiped away- they're gone now, and you're a part of the crowd who gets to pretend there was nothing but love between you two the entire time. i do understand that human relationships are complicated, but the sheer hypocrisy i've seen is astounding. i've seen people have gossip sessions about someone a week before their death, and now after it, all of a sudden 'she was an angel, she lit up every room she walked into'. i've seen people rightfully point out that xyz person is on the sex offender list, and how disgusted they are about it, and then when he dies, all of a sudden hundreds show up to his funeral and play a game called 'who can sob harder'. it's insane, i can't comprehend it at all

but yeah, i think the same will occur to me. when i die, i'm sure my sister will sob to everyone she knows about how much she loved me and how important i was to her, and none of those people will have any idea that a few weeks beforehand, she was calling me a disgusting hypocrite. for something she personally asked me to do btw. lol

 

[Shadows From Hell]

I feel like such an asshole for this but I have often thought .. these mfers are really going to act all sad when I actually successfully ctb and talk about how great and important I was immediately after basically telling me to get over it, put on a smile and make life look easier so I don't make anyone uncomfortable.

Sad but true..

 

[Lost in a Dream]

The one that gets under my skin the most is the permanent solution phrase. I always say fuck you, you don't know whether my problem is permanent or not. Don't act like you know what goes on in my head.

I hate that one the most too. It's like they expect us to go with temporary solutions instead lol. If a solution to a problem isn't a permanent one, it kind of defeats the purpose.

 

[Hotsackage]

I don't talk ne of these things with none, need vent, post here

 

[WhiskeySolstice]

there's a lot of shaming and guilt assigning involved with things like this- a lot of anger about "why couldn't you stay for me?". but someone's life must be lived for themselves, not anyone else. we are the only people who live in our bodies and know the full extent of what we go through everyday. how is it fair or kind to tell us that we should stay for the feelings of others? what about my feelings, do they not matter first? am i not the person who has to live my reality everyday?

Yeah that stuff bothers me too…. I don't know why the first instinct seems to be burdening us with guilt when we feel shitty enough as is?