Do you mean what's coming as life or death?
Although it'll be scary, at that moment, for me death in the long run will be a merciful release, it will be tranquil and silent. No more worrying about medical bills or medical issues, no more trying to say the right thing but messing up the words that come out of my mouth. No more being punished when I did the best I could, especially given what I had and no more needing to endure, deal, or cope with a world and people that are so wrong, backwards, or unnecessarily hurtful. I think I'll enjoy death because I won't be alive to suffer from it.
The only reason I haven't gone yet is so that others won't be impacted by my unexpected self-termination. I wish suicide was a normal part of life: suicide acceptance instead of suicide awareness. (And honestly, what does being "aware" achieve? I can talk about it, but gamble that I won't be held in the psych ward and labelled in my records? And talk with people who don't understand my suicide, yet already have made their decision as to whether it's right or wrong? Pro-life is killing me, more than it is saving me. I wish so badly I was dead already. And what's messed up is that more has been done bad to me than I to them, yet I'm the one who needs to end it. And I'm the one seen with problems.)
