It must happen tomorrow. Just need the right bullet! (Muzzleloading)

[methylene blue]

So I received my CVA Wolf PR2110S Muzzleloader rifle in the mail yesterday, along with a bullet starter, breech plug grease, and bullets - the pelletized powder and 209 primers are coming in the mail tomorrow which require my signature due to being hazardous materials. I am off from work all day and will stay home all day! They will be MINE!!

I ordered the Thor Full-bore conical one-size-fits-all bullets, because I am living in California and many of the better bullets are not legal (I don't know if it is just not legal to shoot (but who would know?) or if it is illegal to ship, so if I were to order the non-legal (i.e. PowerBelt) bullets my transaction would be declined (or could I even be prosecuted?))

They didn't fit down the barrel and barely into the muzzle! DAMN IT! I was gonna off myself tomorrow when the powder arrived... I am on a Muzzle-loading forum asking for advice about CA legal bullets. I will order something tonight and pay $50 for overnight shipping. Sooooo... it COULD still happen tomorrow. But now, what could still go wrong?

So I'm going to CTB in my apartment having never practiced shooting this gun before. I don't want to risk taking it with me in my car to go practice using it somewhere. Too much could go wrong I think, I mean I'm an erratic driver, I don't know where to go to practice... and yes I'm a little impatient and eager which I know is a big no-no for gun suicides - I must know exactly what I'm doing. So here's what I know about what I'm doing.

I've read the owner's manual and watched tutorial videos of how to properly and safely load and operate the gun. I can do that, I've fiddled around with the hammer, the break-action-opening-trigger thing (forgot the name) and what not... seems easy. I won't be cleaning the rifle before use because no way in hell am I gonna spend more money and wait for even more stuff in the mail, just for some clean wipes and oil or something? When I unscrewed the breech and looked down the barrel, there didn't seem to be any residue or anything they said to check for. I should be alright. Maybe I'll ask about that in the Muzzleloading forum.

So another part of the video suggested to shoot 3 primers first before loading the gun with powder and a bullet. I'm not going to do that because it might be loud and I don't want anybody to figure out that I might be shooting a gun and come intervene before I get to load and shoot. So it's just gonna be first shot, last shot. I won't know what the recoil will feel like or if it will cause me to flinch and skew my aim. I'll just grip onto the gun very very tightly - I'll be doing it sitting up against the wall in my closet. I could press my feet against the closet doors to hold my body more firmly in place I suppose.

Anyone have any thoughts about flinching upon firing? What do you think of my plan? What do you think of the whole "firing the kill-shot as the first shot" thing?

It doesn't even feel like my life is coming to a close. I can't even believe it's going to happen. It better fucking happen. Now that I was expecting it to happen tomorrow, I won't settle for less. No note, no goodbyes, no preparations. Just gonna get the hell out of here ASAP. Too afraid and paranoid of interventions. Fucking people you know.

 

[Blackjack]

Sounds beyond risky. Good luck.

 

[LonelyLight]

Yeah, sounds really risky considering you will have no idea how the gun is going to react when you fire it, and that your guessing this and that is okay in terms of cleaning it and not firing the primers.
I'm not saying it won't work, I honestly don't know a lot about guns, but I do think you should take every measure to ensure it is running smoothly. Shooting is NOT something you want to get wrong.... I honestly reccomend waiting until you know exactly how it fires, its cleaned, etc, but, that's only my thoughts, as I said I don't know much about guns. I wish you all the best with whatever you do.
I hope this comment does not make you angry with me as I'm not meaning to come across as a know it all, just hate the thought of something being rushed.



Theres a major chance you will be if you screw up. But at least your aware of that I guess? I'm not a risk taker, where I feel something might go wrong, I'll find an alternative until I'm confident it wont. I don't like the thoughts of anyone suffering more than needs be. And as you said above you could lay for hours in pain, if your neighbor's hear the shot and you don't die instantly, the emergency services will work on you when someone calls them. And I dread to think of the outcome of that.
I do understand that point your making tho, desperate times desperate measures and all that. But I can't tell you to do something I wouldn't do, ya know?



Your reply to me seems to have disappeared when I sent one back to you so it just made my other comment extra long? But the lower half of my previous answer is the reply to what disappeared from the thread.....
Confusing but oh well :-)

 

[methylene blue]

Yeah, sounds really risky considering you will have no idea how the gun is going to react when you fire it, and that your guessing this and that is okay in terms of cleaning it and not firing the primers.
I'm not saying it won't work, I honestly don't know a lot about guns, but I do think you should take every measure to ensure it is running smoothly. Shooting is NOT something you want to get wrong.... I honestly reccomend waiting until you know exactly how it fires, its cleaned, etc, but, that's only my thoughts, as I said I don't know much about guns. I wish you all the best with whatever you do.
I hope this comment does not make you angry with me as I'm not meaning to come across as a know it all, just hate the thought of something being rushed.



Theres a major chance you will be if you screw up. But at least your aware of that I guess? I'm not a risk taker, where I feel something might go wrong, I'll find an alternative until I'm confident it wont. I don't like the thoughts of anyone suffering more than needs be. And as you said above you could lay for hours in pain, if your neighbor's hear the shot and you don't die instantly, the emergency services will work on you when someone calls them. And I dread to think of the outcome of that.
I do understand that point your making tho, desperate times desperate measures and all that. But I can't tell you to do something I wouldn't do, ya know?



Your reply to me seems to have disappeared when I sent one back to you so it just made my other comment extra long? But the lower half of my previous answer is the reply to what disappeared from the thread.....
Confusing but oh well :-)

Yeah suddenly my reply was "awaiting moderator approval" and I got afraid, and then just decided to delete it.

What I then edited it with was just a followup advice question, directed at gun users I suppose - so what should I do instead of my plan? I was kind of insisting on my own way before but I really better be taking suggestions even if it means delaying it by a day or two.

 

[LonelyLight]

Yeah suddenly my reply was "awaiting moderator approval" and I got afraid, and then just decided to delete it.

What I then edited it with was just a followup advice question, directed at gun users I suppose - so what should I do instead of my plan? I was kind of insisting on my own way before but I really better be taking suggestions even if it means delaying it by a day or two.

Hi, I just wanted to check in with you and see what your thoughts are today on what we spoke about yesterday? You don't have to talk about anything if you prefer not to, but I noticed your thread got no more interaction since, so wanted to check in, that's all!

 

[methylene blue]

Hi, I just wanted to check in with you and see what your thoughts are today on what we spoke about yesterday? You don't have to talk about anything if you prefer not to, but I noticed your thread got no more interaction since, so wanted to check in, that's all!

Hey, thanks for your thoughts.

I was pissed this morning! FedEx attempted to make a delivery at 8:00AM this morning, but I did not hear them knock and so they left a note saying they would attempt re-delivery tomorrow. I didn't think I'd have to actually get up early because I assumed the knock would wake me up. Man it was a hard day and I had to process a lot; I had been feeling lost, immature and dysphoric due to my recent alcohol relapse. I had 2 and a half years without a drink and on October 3rd I drank a pint of vodka, went out and made a fool of myself, and ended up losing my wallet. It could have ended up worse, but man, ever since, I've been feeling like a dumb sack of childish dumbo. It felt like a huge regression for me and so I didn't feel as adept at handling my frustration.

Fortunately I got up, ran some errands (including buying some cleaning swabs for the rifle bore, now that I have a few more days to prepare for the shot), my "overnight" delivery of new bullets didn't arrive anyway, and unless they arrive at 8:00AM tomorrow, I won't be there because I have to work at 9:00AM. They'll reattempt delivery two more times after that. And it turned out to be an alright day.

Was thinking about posting a vent thread about my immature feelings today but I decided not to dwell and felt better about being productive in my errands instead. I'm still scheduling job interviews, doctor's appointments, school counseling appointments, even though I surely won't stick around long enough for them. I'm about to post another thread about "where to practice shooting?". Maybe I'll be willing to wait longer but I still intend on pulling this off ASAP. In order to not get those feelings of being lost and out of touch with myself, the self I still love and want to be, I must carry on living my life as I would were I not planning to end it. I have to finish strong. I'm not just going to give up on everything because I'm going to CTB in a few days. It just makes those last few days feel awful, you know, if I don't keep taking care of myself.

Thanks again for checking in, means a lot.

 

[gingerplum]

I see I'm not the only one uneasy about this. I hope you will delay a bit and practice shooting. Where are you planning on placing the muzzle?

 

[methylene blue]

I see I'm not the only one uneasy about this. I hope you will delay a bit and practice shooting. Where are you planning on placing the muzzle?

I was thinking about taking a picture of myself with the gun in my mouth to show the angle I was planning on doing. I'll do that when I've got all my supplies and am ready to go. I'm using thrw_away_1221221*'s Firearms Megathread post as a reference; there's a diagram of the head and the "happy place" to aim for. So I'll stick the muzzle probably at an angle that aims out the upper part of the back of my head, through the mouth of course. I don't want to flinch and shoot my throat out so I'll probably be focusing more "up" but not too "up" that I blow the front of my face off.

 

[LonelyLight]

Hey, thanks for your thoughts.

I was pissed this morning! FedEx attempted to make a delivery at 8:00AM this morning, but I did not hear them knock and so they left a note saying they would attempt re-delivery tomorrow. I didn't think I'd have to actually get up early because I assumed the knock would wake me up. Man it was a hard day and I had to process a lot; I had been feeling lost, immature and dysphoric due to my recent alcohol relapse. I had 2 and a half years without a drink and on October 3rd I drank a pint of vodka, went out and made a fool of myself, and ended up losing my wallet. It could have ended up worse, but man, ever since, I've been feeling like a dumb sack of childish dumbo. It felt like a huge regression for me and so I didn't feel as adept at handling my frustration.

Fortunately I got up, ran some errands (including buying some cleaning swabs for the rifle bore, now that I have a few more days to prepare for the shot), my "overnight" delivery of new bullets didn't arrive anyway, and unless they arrive at 8:00AM tomorrow, I won't be there because I have to work at 9:00AM. They'll reattempt delivery two more times after that. And it turned out to be an alright day.

Was thinking about posting a vent thread about my immature feelings today but I decided not to dwell and felt better about being productive in my errands instead. I'm still scheduling job interviews, doctor's appointments, school counseling appointments, even though I surely won't stick around long enough for them. I'm about to post another thread about "where to practice shooting?". Maybe I'll be willing to wait longer but I still intend on pulling this off ASAP. In order to not get those feelings of being lost and out of touch with myself, the self I still love and want to be, I must carry on living my life as I would were I not planning to end it. I have to finish strong. I'm not just going to give up on everything because I'm going to CTB in a few days. It just makes those last few days feel awful, you know, if I don't keep taking care of myself.

Thanks again for checking in, means a lot.

Well if you do want to dwell you know you can always share your feelings here, but it's good that your managing to stay productive instead of wallowing, which is so easy to do. I'm also glad your not working off impulse, where theres so much room for error.
No problem on the check in, you were on my mind, and can PM me if you need to chat further.