I've been back and forth my whole life, things being bad, getting better, getting bad again...getting better for a while. I am 40 years older than you, Baskol1, but at your age I was suicidal, at least once I was 22 anyway. Things got better for a couple of years right after I quit using controlled substances, then I got depressed in recovery in my late 20's again. Was admitted on a 72 hour hold at the county psych hospital at 32 years old after I had called them repeatedly telling them I was going to put my head in my gas oven. Went on meds. Things looked up for almost all of the rest of my 30's. Although I attribute a lot of that was my hormones/biological clock giving me a boost. at 42 things started getting depressed and stayed that way until age 46 when I was diagnosed bipolar and put on a mood stabilizer. Then 4 good years till 50 years old, (2010) and man, when menopause hit me it knocked me into suicidal depression. Things have never been the same since. At 60, health issues, more depressions, I see how much back and forth I have had for many years. I feel too old and tired from it all sometimes. Too old to have hope. At least in my 20's, 30's, even my 40's, I still felt that I had enough years of life ahead of me to have hope. Now being this old? Considering the depressions have been so prevalent since 2010, IS there any hope? Just thinking out loud maybe, thanks for asking the question that started this discussion.