Venting "It gets better" is survivorship bias

[slowdance]

I'm in my 30s and I'm constantly seeing posts on social media (and one here??) saying that things will inevitably get better in your 30s. That's only true for the people who it did get better for. There's plenty of people who couldn't handle the suffering and killed themselves. It's not inevitable. It's just something that happens to the people who have the resiliency to get through the suffering. Not everyone is resilient. I haven't been. I never will be. It won't get better.

 

[cme-dme]

I don't know how the fuck I would live to my 30s (close to half of my natural lifespan) just to see if there is a possibility of things getting better. I can't do on any longer and I am 20.

 

[slowdance]

When I was in my 20s, I told myself I'd CTB when I turned 40. It comforted me and kept me alive because I never had to fear growing old. Now that I'm much closer to 40, that seems like too far off to wait for. Before therapy today, I was thinking of CTB in June when I have a permanent address. But now I don't think I can even wait until June.

 

[tiredoflife2]

I'm in my early 40s, sorry to say it doesn't get better. Well for me it hasn't. Lots of ups and downs in life I've noticed, but more of the downs. It's a struggle, but I do think it's the system that we live in. It's all money orientated and most people are selfish. I'm just tired of it all now.

I don't know how the fuck I would live to my 30s (close to half of my natural lifespan) just to see if there is a possibility of things getting better. I can't do on any longer and I am 20.

You're so young though, my son isn't much younger than you, I feel really sad for you and other young people feeling the same , this world needs to change.

 

[Kibby]

Its like saying "everything happens for a reason" you just say it after it all somehow turned alright to cope with the fact that your life was once shit and to justify those bad things happening.

I don't know how the fuck I would live to my 30s (close to half of my natural lifespan) just to see if there is a possibility of things getting better. I can't do on any longer and I am 20.

im just trying to cope till i find my soulmate, see how long i can last

 

[steppenwolf]

I'm in my 30s and I'm constantly seeing posts on social media (and one here??) saying that things will inevitably get better in your 30s. That's only true for the people who it did get better for. There's plenty of people who couldn't handle the suffering and killed themselves. It's not inevitable. It's just something that happens to the people who have the resiliency to get through the suffering. Not everyone is resilient. I haven't been. I never will be. It won't get better.

It's just people being ignorant. Things do not inevitably get better with age, they inevitably get worse.

I'm 51 and I've had no new relationships to speak of for 20 years, having survived my 30s by totally isolating myself and becoming a recluse. I have battled despair and loneliness continuously and entirely unobserved in all that time, whilst my youth fades forever and my health starts to fray at the edges.

All I can tell you for certain is that with long practice you can get better at coping with things, but the things themselves never get better, only worse. And part of getting better at coping with things is recognizing when those things are just people being ignorant, and recognizing that what ignorant people think does not matter, and accepting that there is no point in trying to change what ignorant people think.

 

[sukiduki]

i feel you. for some people, unfortunately it just doesn't get better. mental illness is real. sometimes there are people who just don't wanna be here and idk how other people can't let it be.

 

[BlooBerryBanjo3000]

I'm in my early 40s, sorry to say it doesn't get better. Well for me it hasn't. Lots of ups and downs in life I've noticed, but more of the downs. It's a struggle, but I do think it's the system that we live in. It's all money orientated and most people are selfish. I'm just tired of it all now.

You're so young though, my son isn't much younger than you, I feel really sad for you and other young people feeling the same , this world needs to change.

I believe it is the system that we live in as well. I hate this money obsessed world and all of the bad people in it.

 

[soonnotkoei]

I'm in my 30s and I'm constantly seeing posts on social media (and one here??) saying that things will inevitably get better in your 30s. That's only true for the people who it did get better for. There's plenty of people who couldn't handle the suffering and killed themselves. It's not inevitable. It's just something that happens to the people who have the resiliency to get through the suffering. Not everyone is resilient. I haven't been. I never will be. It won't get better.

finally someone who said it. I've said this a lot of times that the "it gets better" thing doesn't apply to everyone. you are absolutely right, it is survivorship bias.

 

[masquerade]

I never thought of it like that before

 

[LostLily]

Strangely, things have gotten better in my 30's vs my 20's but I still want to die. Because I see everything as meaningless.

 

[Ashu]

It didn't really get better, I just got used to it.

 

[ringo99]

I'm 37 and no it doesn't get better. I've discovered that if you don't get your life together and on a stable path by now, it's never getting better unless you're due for a large inheritance that'll let you live your life how you want. From here on it's all downhill. Health, career, relationships, it all goes down the shitter in a slow death spiral with no chance of recovery.

 

[ForgottenAgain]

It didn't really get better, I just got used to it.

I find this incredibly correct. I'm 30 and the main difference is that things are, sometimes, more bearable simply because I've already seen this kind of shit unfold in the past. The problems are still heavy and unpleasant, the difference is that I have the experience of being through them before.

For some people they may get better, but just like grief, it doesn't stop hurting, you just get familiar with the pain.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It depends entirely on the person I believe. Personally, my 30's were indeed better but, that's because in my mid 20's, things got so bad, but I still had enough motivation/ energy/ hope/ will to make huge changes in my life to turn things around. And, for a while- while it was still one hell of a struggle, it worked. Or at least- it put me in a better position than in my 20's.

I think it very rarely happens by magic though. Mostly, I think the person needs enough impetus to be able to put in that effort to change. That's going to be much harder for some than others. Plus- sadly- it doesn't always work out. No matter how hard you try. My ideation never really went. It just got put into the background for a few years. Living became easier for a while because I had enough interest in the things that distracted me best.

It hasn't 'solved' the issue though. Ideation hit in strongly again when my said coping mechanism started to fail a few years back.

The whole 'it gets better' really pisses me off though. It's such a passive idea. Your fairy godmother shows up and grants all your wishes or something. Maybe some people's lives work like that but, I don't know many who's have. Those people I know who have successful careers, loving relationships, amazing hobbies, active social lives- they went out and got those things and they work hard constantly to maintain them. It ought to be: Things might get better- so long as you put in huge amounts of effort to try to make them better. When someone's suicidally depressed, it's not exactly probable that they'll have the energy for all that.

 

[Ashu]

I find this incredibly correct. I'm 30 and the main difference is that things are, sometimes, more bearable simply because I've already seen this kind of shit unfold in the past. The problems are still heavy and unpleasant, the difference is that I have the experience of being through them before.

For some people they may get better, but just like grief, it doesn't stop hurting, you just get familiar with the pain.

True. In my case, there was a distinct watershed: I made five attempts between the ages of fourteen and twenty-four, and the failure of the last and best of them convinced me that I was just going to have to "wait for God to kill me", as my friend and mentor in those years, also a failed suicide, put it. That was thirty years ago.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand, it's just so cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, for me personally non-existence is the only relief.

 

[genie]

I don't know how the fuck I would live to my 30s (close to half of my natural lifespan) just to see if there is a possibility of things getting better. I can't do on any longer and I am 20.

This isn't to change your mind about anything but things got significantly better for me around my mid 20s and early 30s. Now everything has plateaued. Everyone is different though.
Things don't get better anymore, they just get slightly less worse. It's kind of a plateau.

I'm 37 and no it doesn't get better. I've discovered that if you don't get your life together and on a stable path by now, it's never getting better unless you're due for a large inheritance that'll let you live your life how you want. From here on it's all downhill. Health, career, relationships, it all goes down the shitter in a slow death spiral with no chance of recovery.

Yeah, I'm utterly screwed. No employment, further education and I have autism. Now my government is using mentally ill people as a scapegoat.

 

[divinemistress36]

Ive heard from a lot of people their 30s are better than their 20s I think cause they are more financially secure and have more of a sense of self in your 30s than 20s. My 30s have been the worst though

 

[slowdance]

Ive heard from a lot of people their 30s are better than their 20s I think cause they are more financially secure and have more of a sense of self in your 30s than 20s. My 30s have been the worst though

I was more financially stable in my 20s than my 30s. I got a good job straight out of college but they laid me off shortly after my 30th birthday and I've been struggling with employment ever since