It feels so surreal that I'm actually going to die.

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

I was a person with a huge amount of potential. I was healthy, attractive, smart and hardworking, and came from a privileged background. I have a good family and lots of social support. In the past, I literally felt that the entire world was open to me, like I really could achieve anything I put my mind to. I was valedictorian in high school, I did excellent in all my classes, I graduated with the highest possible distinction at university.

And now I'm chronically ill, and I am literally going to die because of it. But as painful as my disease is, it won't kill me on its own, so I need to die by my own hand. How could it all end like this? How could all my effort be for nothing? How could it all fall apart as soon as I graduated, as soon as I felt like everything was coming into place? How could the days go from being enjoyable to every day being agony, in just a few short months? How could I go from wondering where I will go to grad school to researching suicide methods in just a few weeks?

I am literally going to die, before I even turn 26. It will be by my own hand, but it won't be suicide. My illness killed me.

 

[destinationlosangel]

I'm so sorry that it has to come to this. Believe me when I say this. I completely understand your pain. For some of us, the idea that we are even thinking of taking our lives now would be unfathomable for past versions of us. But sadly it is what it is. All I will say is, try your fucking best to fix your health issues ( You never know where you might find some miracle cure), This is also the approach that I am taking. And if all else fails, maybe that's just it for us. And so be it

 

[badK9wolf]

I get what you're saying. I grew up super privileged but managed to fuck it all the way up.

 

[FuneralCry]

It really is so cruel to me how there's all this suffering, I'm sorry you've had to suffer so much. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[rotten]

Fuck..that's awful. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I hope you're able to find some peace.

 

[Juggernaut1010]

Sorry to hear that, and I hope things become better for you. It is difficult losing the life you had, and the potential for having a decent life in the future.