Venting It feels like my method is chosen for me at this point...

[Livingvsdying25]

Lately, I'm finally settling on what method I will using. Im disappointed bc it doesn't feel like there's many options in regards to what I can execute & endure.


I've started to feel like SN just isn't it for me as it generally feels seems like an undesirable experience. That's where my hesitations lie & have for like 3 yrs now but... it seems like in regards to painless, non gruesome etc levels it's pretty much the only one.

OD'ing isn't reliable at this point in time. Even if I managed to buy the necessary like drugs there is no guarantee it'll be what I ordered & refund or exchange wouldn't be possible...

So im either a) continuing with my health tests/ultra sounds (I have like 4 or 5 to do now) and seeing if anything is terminal or I'm fucked bc MAID docs are booked and will not take me on bc I'm not terminally ill.

Or I just accept that SN is the only way rn.... god this fucking sucks. Everything about SN sounds unpleasant from the fucking taste to the texture to the feeling after taking it. I don't want to go via that way but I cannot keep myself alive much long either.

So SN it is ig this fucking sucks. But ig CTB in this current climate isn't exactly easy. God do I regret not buying N years ago

I would do some form of drowning but only in the winter due to my own fears & such. Plus the cold adding to the likelihood of dying/numbing my body. Ughhhhh. But it's shitty suffocating summer.
There's no turning back from this. Not for any particular reason than my own tbh. I need to fucking end this shitty existence of mine and soon. I just can't take being alive anymore. I can't take prolonging my death. Yeah there is lot's to live for but I personally cannot keep living. I can't handle it anymore.

Soo this is a rant but more of a verbal processing of acceptance of my options...

Been sleeping all day but thinking inbetween it all and this is where I've landed. Im not happy about it but having a relatively painless & non gruesome (at least not while conscious) method is better than nothing.

 

[shantyizlit]

Man I wish I had nembutal too, hopefully a heroin overdose will be as reliable and peaceful

 

[SlenderM]

Lately, I'm finally settling on what method I will using. Im disappointed bc it doesn't feel like there's many options in regards to what I can execute & endure.


I've started to feel like SN just isn't it for me as it generally feels seems like an undesirable experience. That's where my hesitations lie & have for like 3 yrs now but... it seems like in regards to painless, non gruesome etc levels it's pretty much the only one.

OD'ing isn't reliable at this point in time. Even if I managed to buy the necessary like drugs there is no guarantee it'll be what I ordered & refund or exchange wouldn't be possible...

So im either a) continuing with my health tests/ultra sounds (I have like 4 or 5 to do now) and seeing if anything is terminal or I'm fucked bc MAID docs are booked and will not take me on bc I'm not terminally ill.

Or I just accept that SN is the only way rn.... god this fucking sucks. Everything about SN sounds unpleasant from the fucking taste to the texture to the feeling after taking it. I don't want to go via that way but I cannot keep myself alive much long either.

So SN it is ig this fucking sucks. But ig CTB in this current climate isn't exactly easy. God do I regret not buying N years ago

I would do some form of drowning but only in the winter due to my own fears & such. Plus the cold adding to the likelihood of dying/numbing my body. Ughhhhh. But it's shitty suffocating summer.
There's no turning back from this. Not for any particular reason than my own tbh. I need to fucking end this shitty existence of mine and soon. I just can't take being alive anymore. I can't take prolonging my death. Yeah there is lot's to live for but I personally cannot keep living. I can't handle it anymore.

Soo this is a rant but more of a verbal processing of acceptance of my options...

Been sleeping all day but thinking inbetween it all and this is where I've landed. Im not happy about it but having a relatively painless & non gruesome (at least not while conscious) method is better than nothing.

If you don't mind me asking, why are you suicidal?

- S

 

[NoFutureAnymore]

It feels to me that the use of inert gas is the most peaceful option. It's not a easy to setup, but it seems reliable and painless.

 

[FuneralCry]

I find it so cruel how Nembutal isn't more easily accessible, it certainly sounds so peaceful and ideal, like the best way to ctb, I think it would be a comfort for many having the option to leave this world in peace. But anyway best wishes with your plans, I understand feeling so tired of suffering here.

 

[Synrelia]

SN sounds so unpleasant but honestly it's kinda the most accessible atm, compared to Nembutal anyway. It sucks but yeah. Drowning is more painful though I assume. Think on it for a bit, there's more resources here and I'm sure you could mix something with the SN? Or eat something nice after taking it

 

[soontobedone]

SN sounds so unpleasant but honestly it's kinda the most accessible atm, compared to Nembutal anyway. It sucks but yeah. Drowning is more painful though I assume. Think on it for a bit, there's more resources here and I'm sure you could mix something with the SN? Or eat something nice after taking it

There is no eating after taking SN.

 

[jazzcat]

idk I wish I had access to SN like you I'm going to end up having to hang myself