It feels like a higher power is trying to kill me

[whiteboyswithars]

I've mentioned this before, but I am not religious at all. But if there were to be a higher power of some sort, it would definitely be trying to drive me to my death. My life feels like one big tease, like whenever I get so close to something that would make me REALLY happy it gets ripped right from me. When I find someone to love, she leaves; when I think I find someone who would understand me or try to help me, they switch on me; when I get something I've really wanted it just doesn't work out. it feels like stuff is being dangled over my head but when I reach for it it gets snatched back away. I have no meaningful relationships with anybody anymore and I have a constant head ache and I am loosing my hair (I am still very young) and I can barely balance my body anymore. I am left with nothing and nobody that makes me happy, I know that I am ready to ctb, and it really feels like the world is ready for me to do so as-well. I have a date and a method that works perfectly for me (of course the one thing that actually works in my life lol) so I just have to tough it out until then. Thank you for listening if you did, or if you could even understand me.

 

[FuneralCry]

It truly is cruel to me how there's all this suffering in existing, I find it so dreadful how existing can easily get worse. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[losingsteam3141]

I hope the universe will be less cruel to you. I feel the same way, its absolutely twisted. I have been struggling since I was 14, and only barely surviving due to being given a glimmer of hope, or a stretch of time where I felt relatively happy. These past few years, I have been in highly stressful situations where my career and life is at stake. When all hope is lost, I have been pulled through, only to be put back in the fire with the next situation. Im in another pickle, and it doesn't look so good this time. Im just tired man.

 

[Nikitatos]

There is definitely "a higher power" that's trying to kill me. "Higher power" doesn't mean divine or otherworldly. There's people right here on Earth that have the power to covertly torture & kill people without leaving a trace. "Higher power" just means more power than you.

I used to be an expert weird, classified government stuff. That path led to nothing but misery and my brain has deteriorated, but I still remember a few things.

I think Robert Duncan's "Project Soul Catcher" provides a framework for what these "higher powers" are doing.

This is his book on the subject:

Amazon.com

Cliffsnotes: Using classified technology, the deep state has developed the ability to monitor your thoughts & prayers and use them against you. The human brain has been deciphered and satellites can read your brain just like they can a cellphone. Your cell phone is able to send & receive data seemingly out of nowhere. As strange as it sounds, the same can be done with your brain. 100+ years of brilliant scientists working on classified technology. Controlled by very evil people.