Venting It drives me insane that people will never understand the seriousness and depth of suffering unless they go through it.

[Unending]

I hate how hard it is to get out and I wish strongly that I was never brought here. Unfortunately, life is not a gift. Good quality of life may be a gift but it is outright offensive being told that my life is a gift. I find life to be disgusting and really wish I just had an off switch or something that I could accidentally press to avoid even knowing I'm about to die when the moment comes. I hate how guilty I have to feel about leaving when I never signed an "I will live" contract in the first place.

People will never be able to truly grasp what it means to wrestle with your own death unless they have to do it themselves.

I NEED out at some point and I won't be able to leave in peace. I just want to go in peace but to do that, I will need to just stop giving a fuck or become even further engulfed in my pain. I don't know what the worse outcome is. Is it going on for two more decades as things get even worse and finally not giving a single fuck or is it going sooner but feeling terrified and panicked not knowing what will become of my parents? It feels horrible.

 

[Lxions]

i understand how this feels, and im sorry that you have to go through it as well. im always told that i should be grateful, and that all life is a gift; it's disrespectful and unfair being told that.
im in the state of mind where i cant let go of that feeling that there might be something right around the corner, and of course there never is, but my mind just cant let that thought go. so i always get too scared to go through with my plans.
you deserve to be listened to and understood, im so sorry that this world cant provide that. you arent selfish for wanting to leave, and you shouldnt feel guilty.
i truly hope that one day youll be able to find peace in whatever decision you may choose. <3

 

[Unending]

i understand how this feels, and im sorry that you have to go through it as well. im always told that i should be grateful, and that all life is a gift; it's disrespectful and unfair being told that.
im in the state of mind where i cant let go of that feeling that there might be something right around the corner, and of course there never is, but my mind just cant let that thought go. so i always get too scared to go through with my plans.
you deserve to be listened to and understood, im so sorry that this world cant provide that. you arent selfish for wanting to leave, and you shouldnt feel guilty.
i truly hope that one day youll be able to find peace in whatever decision you may choose. <3

Thank you for the compassion, I just hope to get out of here without any extra casualties. I also have the "something just around the corner" mindset which adds to the difficulty considering that this has been something I would like to choose for a while now.

 

[gar3z]

I hate how guilty I have to feel about leaving when I never signed an "I will live" contract in the first place.

couldn't agree more. it's all too terrifying to think about what will happen instead of just leaving peacefully. hope you'd find the peace you're looking for.

 

[Valky]

It also upsets me and at the same time I envy them. They have never had to deal with this kind of pain before and I am glad that they didn't :)

 

[Unending]

couldn't agree more. it's all too terrifying to think about what will happen instead of just leaving peacefully. hope you'd find the peace you're looking for.

Thank you and same to you. I'm still sort of milking treatment for any possible options to avoid the implications of my exit considering my circumstances but can't say I don't have one foot way out the door.

It also upsets me and at the same time I envy them. They have never had to deal with this kind of pain before and I am glad that they didn't :)

Yeah, my mental illness is something I wouldn't wish on anyone but it would be nice if I could just let someone experience how it feels for a minute in an attempt to show them where all us pro-choice and suffering people are coming from.

 

[outrider567]

Suffering--That says it all, mental suffering for 15 months now

 

[FuneralCry]

I just see it as being so incredibly cruel how people decide to procreate in the first place, as existence really is such an unnecessary burden and I hate the fact how continuing to exist is viewed as being an obligation rather than a choice. Having the ability to exist in this world where there is unlimited potential to suffer could certainly never be a "gift", and I would see it as being insane for someone to suggest that. All those who wish to be gone should just be able to die in peace without struggle, to me it's unacceptable how this society is so anti suicide.