It comes and it goes

[vvvvv]

Greetings, friends.

Most of you probably don't recognize me. I'm relatively new, made a few posts and disappeared. But I'm still here and am yet to ctb, unfortunately.

Like most things in life, the intensity of these feelings come and go. Some times at suppressible levels where I almost function like a human being, but some times like now where I'm shaking so much I can hardly breathe. My keyboard is wet because my hands are so sweaty.

The scariest part about this is the self doubt.
Is this what I really want? Would I be able to commit and pull through after I visit the hardware store on Monday?
And in the meantime, I have to deal with this.

I envy those who have left us, and I hope they are at peace, as I hope we all one day will find peace.

Godspeed my friends.

 

[TiredHorse]

I'm right there with you, Vvvvv. On all that you said.

After failing to ctb on Monday, I've been feeling too burnt out and exhausted to try again. I just hope I can get my energy back well enough to succeed soon, because I know things are only going to get worse.

 

[vvvvv]

I'm right there with you, Vvvvv. On all that you said.

After failing to ctb on Monday, I've been feeling too burnt out and exhausted to try again. I just hope I can get my energy back well enough to succeed soon, because I know things are only going to get worse.

"Burnt out and exhausted" is basically my constant state, the best I can hope for is crushing indifference, which in a way is worse than the sadness.

Do you have a set method?

Gonna see if I can find a nice, thick rope at the hardware store and try full damn suspension, proper noose and all. See if I can make the full 13 rounds? Hopefully they'll include that in the obituary.

 

[TAW122]

Hey V, welcome back here and yes, trying to ctb is one of the hardest, if not the hardest decision an individual can make. In a sick, cruel world, not only do we must muster the courage to ctb, we also must be cognizant and skilled enough to make our methods work (otherwise risking a failed attempt), and also having to hide from everyone else IRL who could threaten our exit. We have enough difficulties already in life and doing it is no easy feat. I believe the ones who have passed on are at peace, no longer suffering. I myself am mostly ready, but just waiting for a catalyst to give me that push. I hope you are able to find success and eternal peace.

 

[Nem]

I rememberyiu vvvvvv. I am at the end of my rope. I was supposed to be dead at least a few years ago but it got interrupted. Now, I have limited supplies but I do have a car and rope which is enough for decapitation, for some reason I find that an interesting method. Mostly for the fact it's almost fail proof, what are they going to do? Reattach the head?! Partial suspension and charcoal are the next options.
Hope things are going as well as they can be for you
Peace hugs!