Venting It bothers me so much that this is the only life I'll ever live.

[I wish to be happy]

I watch other people around me find happiness in so little. I think I may have a hormone deficiency or some resistance to whatever chemicals make you feel good. My earliest memories where that of feeling joyless. It pains me that this is the only life I'll ever be given and I've decided to throw it away.

 

[Nefera]

Your life only ends when it ends, you can't change the past but you still have control over your future and what you want to achieve in life...
It seems you're having a lot of inner turmoil and that is not easy to ignore, I wish you can get better somehow.