Isolation

[Othermind]

Not sure this counts as recovery, but I needed to share it.
So, my mental health has always been bad, it got compromised two years ago and has been going down the absolute shitter for the past six months.
My anxiety and paranoia have gotten out of control, I've been lashing out at people and even become physically aggressive on a few occasions.
Last night was the worst. I'll spare you the details but I got into a paranoid fit and almost started a drunken fight (now my obsession is bugging me that I may meet the guy or some of his buddies and they'll beat me up, hurray), fortunately for me my friends were there to defuse the situation, howere they were not happy to say the least about what I did. They didn't want to cut ties or anything but they straight up told me they were very dissapointed in me, and that's absolutely fair.
Now I've come to the realization that handling a social life is way too taxing for my mental state, so I've decided to go into a sort of isolation mode, not seeing people and just concentrate on school and my hobbies while I try to get some anxiety meds prescribed to me .
I think I will catch the bus at some point, but in the meantime this seems the only way to keep things bearable until that day comes. I can't keep hurting others and add fuel to my self loathing fire.
Thoughts?

 

[woxihuanni]

I'd say you have a sound plan, pulling yourself back a bit and calming down. If you can read at all, I'd suggest reading. It can give relief of mind when other things fail.

 

[Santiago]

Good plan. Isolation is a gift.

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I have been massively isolating lately, and its been very painful. I don't really mean to, its just how my life goes. My thoughts would be to perhaps look at who you interact with and do some pruning, but not total isolation. Never leaving the house has some great benefits. It is cheaper, eating and drinking out adds up. more time to do the things you need and take care of yourself. but a very lonely way to live.

 

[Othermind]

I have been massively isolating lately, and its been very painful. I don't really mean to, its just how my life goes. My thoughts would be to perhaps look at who you interact with and do some pruning, but not total isolation. Never leaving the house has some great benefits. It is cheaper, eating and drinking out adds up. more time to do the things you need and take care of yourself. but a very lonely way to live.

Maybe with time I can start seeing someone again, but for the moment I'm too ashamed of myself to even look in their face.
Plus there is one hell of a drinking culture with those guys, with one of them being a straight up alcoholic and I was well on my way to become one. Literally every week I or someone else would get hammered and do something retarded we'd regret the next day. It couldn't go on like this, I'm glad this was a wake up call and not getting stabbed or something.

 

[Sweet emotion]

Not sure this counts as recovery, but I needed to share it.
So, my mental health has always been bad, it got compromised two years ago and has been going down the absolute shitter for the past six months.
My anxiety and paranoia have gotten out of control, I've been lashing out at people and even become physically aggressive on a few occasions.
Last night was the worst. I'll spare you the details but I got into a paranoid fit and almost started a drunken fight (now my obsession is bugging me that I may meet the guy or some of his buddies and they'll beat me up, hurray), fortunately for me my friends were there to defuse the situation, howere they were not happy to say the least about what I did. They didn't want to cut ties or anything but they straight up told me they were very dissapointed in me, and that's absolutely fair.
Now I've come to the realization that handling a social life is way too taxing for my mental state, so I've decided to go into a sort of isolation mode, not seeing people and just concentrate on school and my hobbies while I try to get some anxiety meds prescribed to me .
I think I will catch the bus at some point, but in the meantime this seems the only way to keep things bearable until that day comes. I can't keep hurting others and add fuel to my self loathing fire.
Thoughts?

No this doesn't fall under recovery. Recovery is getting better not worse. Do you see a psychiatrist and a therapist? If not there really is no hope in getting better because whatever you're doing is not working. And I'm going to tell you that isolation is going to make you worse. Take it from so done who has been in the house for over 14 years only leaving to go to hospitals or the doctors. I have a very painful physical condition. It's going to make you hate people even worse when you have to interact with them. Having a social ife shouldn't be taxing. People need to be surrounded by others. Believe me. If I were you I'd see a psychiatrist and a therapist at the same time. You can get anxiety meds but you're not going to get to the root of the problem unless you talk about it with your therapist. I wish I could have a therapist but it hurts too much to listen and talk. I have OCD and my shrink said if I want to deal with that a therapist is needed. Shrinks only prescribe meds. And talk for about 15 minutes. And don't settle for the first therapist you find. You have to shop around. I think after three visits you should know whether they are for you or not and if you think they can bring you to a better place. My therapist helped me so much as a teen. I wish you the best and let us know how you're doing.

 

[TearyEyedQueen]

Not sure this counts as recovery, but I needed to share it.
So, my mental health has always been bad, it got compromised two years ago and has been going down the absolute shitter for the past six months.
My anxiety and paranoia have gotten out of control, I've been lashing out at people and even become physically aggressive on a few occasions.
Last night was the worst. I'll spare you the details but I got into a paranoid fit and almost started a drunken fight (now my obsession is bugging me that I may meet the guy or some of his buddies and they'll beat me up, hurray), fortunately for me my friends were there to defuse the situation, howere they were not happy to say the least about what I did. They didn't want to cut ties or anything but they straight up told me they were very dissapointed in me, and that's absolutely fair.
Now I've come to the realization that handling a social life is way too taxing for my mental state, so I've decided to go into a sort of isolation mode, not seeing people and just concentrate on school and my hobbies while I try to get some anxiety meds prescribed to me .
I think I will catch the bus at some point, but in the meantime this seems the only way to keep things bearable until that day comes. I can't keep hurting others and add fuel to my self loathing fire.
Thoughts?

I understand how you feel, but please hear me out.
I went through something similar on a lesser scale because I was being severely bullied at school at the time. At the same time, neighbourhood kids who I used to hang out with became rather toxic and we'd constantly fight. I've decided to isolate myself from everyone because I thought all people were like my bullies. The problem is, I've already had poor social skills. So I went through my teens almost all alone except for one friend which I eventually drove away as well.
If I could only go back to that day, I'd cool down and try to back off for the sake of maintaining the friendship at least until I've found other friends.
From what you wrote it seems like your friend group is way more supportive than mine was, so in my opinion you should definitely not self isolate. I regret the life I could have had every day, knowing time is flowing fast and life will pass me by.
Don't make the same mistake I did.

 

[azucaramargo]

I'd say you have a sound plan, pulling yourself back a bit and calming down. If you can read at all, I'd suggest reading. It can give relief of mind when other things fail.

WXHN, your ex is a freaking idiot.

 

[woxihuanni]

WXHN, your ex is a freaking idiot.

They would say that of themselves, too, but why was this in response to this post? :) Could not quite see the link.

 

[azucaramargo]

They would say that of themselves, too, but why was this in response to this post? :) Could not quite see the link.

I just really appreciated your encouragement of OP and your championing of calm, and the image of you reading in times of distress. Very endearing and soothing, too.

 

[woxihuanni]

I just really appreciated your encouragement of OP and your championing of calm, and the image of you reading in times of distress. Very endearing and soothing, too.

You are so lovely, and so ready to see the good in people! Thank you.

 

[azucaramargo]

isolation is going to make you worse.

This was kind of you.

 

[Sweet emotion]

This was kind of you.

Was that sarcastic?

 

[azucaramargo]

Was that sarcastic?

Oh my gosh, not at all! I'm so sorry. I thought it was really nice of you to use your own experiences to urge the poster to avoid isolation. I thought it was an altruistic and humanitarian gesture on your part.

 

[Susannah]

No this doesn't fall under recovery. Recovery is getting better not worse. Do you see a psychiatrist and a therapist? If not there really is no hope in getting better because whatever you're doing is not working. And I'm going to tell you that isolation is going to make you worse. Take it from so done who has been in the house for over 14 years only leaving to go to hospitals or the doctors. I have a very painful physical condition. It's going to make you hate people even worse when you have to interact with them. Having a social ife shouldn't be taxing. People need to be surrounded by others. Believe me. If I were you I'd see a psychiatrist and a therapist at the same time. You can get anxiety meds but you're not going to get to the root of the problem unless you talk about it with your therapist. I wish I could have a therapist but it hurts too much to listen and talk. I have OCD and my shrink said if I want to deal with that a therapist is needed. Shrinks only prescribe meds. And talk for about 15 minutes. And don't settle for the first therapist you find. You have to shop around. I think after three visits you should know whether they are for you or not and if you think they can bring you to a better place. My therapist helped me so much as a teen. I wish you the best and let us know how you're doing.

I would definately trust Sweet Emotion's words here.

 

[Othermind]

No this doesn't fall under recovery. Recovery is getting better not worse. Do you see a psychiatrist and a therapist? If not there really is no hope in getting better because whatever you're doing is not working. And I'm going to tell you that isolation is going to make you worse. Take it from so done who has been in the house for over 14 years only leaving to go to hospitals or the doctors. I have a very painful physical condition. It's going to make you hate people even worse when you have to interact with them. Having a social ife shouldn't be taxing. People need to be surrounded by others. Believe me. If I were you I'd see a psychiatrist and a therapist at the same time. You can get anxiety meds but you're not going to get to the root of the problem unless you talk about it with your therapist. I wish I could have a therapist but it hurts too much to listen and talk. I have OCD and my shrink said if I want to deal with that a therapist is needed. Shrinks only prescribe meds. And talk for about 15 minutes. And don't settle for the first therapist you find. You have to shop around. I think after three visits you should know whether they are for you or not and if you think they can bring you to a better place. My therapist helped me so much as a teen. I wish you the best and let us know how you're doing.

For what it's worth, I spilled the beans to the new therapist the other day. Sent him an email with all the nasty things I've done in my disgraceful life, he hadn't read it when I saw him on thursday, let's see what he has to say this week.
However I can't say I feel like this is something I can bounce back from.