Isolation prior to CTB?

[couragetodie]

Anyone else isolate themselves to make CTB easier? For those of us who once communicated regularly with friends and family when we weren't depressed, are you now withdrawing as a means of making CTB easier? I say this as that's what I am doing. At first it was subconscious but now I realize I am doing this. I have pushed almost everyone away. Stopped reaching out. Stopped calling.

It's also because I am now ashamed. I believe I have squandered my gifts. I don't want to face all those people who once believed in me and supported me. I just want to disappear.

 

[Redt2go]

yupp

 

[TheGoodGuy]

Yup but "unfortunately" my mom and dad sometimes contact me either by calling to hear how it goes or I see them a couple times a month. But yeah I am trying to isolate myself.

I often think if I had just 1 month of complete isolation without any contact to family it would be way easier to get into the right mindset because when it has been a couple weeks without any contact then I feel kinda ready but then they disarm my suicidal thought with love.

 

[lemmeeleev]

I isolate myself without even trying sometimes. I've been/felt alone my entire life, so it's not hard for me to do. Makes me want to ctb right then and there. Even at school (obviously I can't). Not hard to do as no one seems to realize I exist. So yeah, I do isolate myself on purpose, but I also do unintentionally.

 

[Beyondajoke]

I isolate myself without even trying sometimes.

I do this due to chronic depression - what little extended family I have I am rarely in contact with or not at all. I live with my fiance and his brother. He spends more time with his brother than me and I'm ready to end this dud of a relationship as well.

 

[Lara Francis]

Isolation goes hand in hand with my depresson as it may do for many others.
We reach the point where we no longer want help and support which is naturally offered by those that care about us.

I know that feeling that maybe you have let people down or ashamed as u put it.i feel like that too - people can try as much as they like but sometimes its never going to be enough ! X we must do what is right for us.

 

[Salvacion]

Anyone else isolate themselves to make CTB easier? For those of us who once communicated regularly with friends and family when we weren't depressed, are you now withdrawing as a means of making CTB easier? I say this as that's what I am doing. At first it was subconscious but now I realize I am doing this. I have pushed almost everyone away. Stopped reaching out. Stopped calling.

It's also because I am now ashamed. I believe I have squandered my gifts. I don't want to face all those people who once believed in me and supported me. I just want to disappear.

Anyone else isolate themselves to make CTB easier? For those of us who once communicated regularly with friends and family when we weren't depressed, are you now withdrawing as a means of making CTB easier? I say this as that's what I am doing. At first it was subconscious but now I realize I am doing this. I have pushed almost everyone away. Stopped reaching out. Stopped calling.

It's also because I am now ashamed. I believe I have squandered my gifts. I don't want to face all those people who once believed in me and supported me. I just want to disappear.

Anyone else isolate themselves to make CTB easier? For those of us who once communicated regularly with friends and family when we weren't depressed, are you now withdrawing as a means of making CTB easier? I say this as that's what I am doing. At first it was subconscious but now I realize I am doing this. I have pushed almost everyone away. Stopped reaching out. Stopped calling.

It's also because I am now ashamed. I believe I have squandered my gifts. I don't want to face all those people who once believed in me and supported me. I just want to disappear.

This is the most precisely accurate post. Squandering my gifts hurts me more than anything. Blessed with so much.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

I've always felt lonely. I do sometimes go out just for the sake of being surrounded by others, but I always do it alone. Ctb is a tough decision; when I've found myself very close to doing that, it's like my soul leaves my body and just sit down staring at the wall or the ceiling, and do nothing for hours. Some sort of isolation protects me from being hurt, and that's nice... but I miss other times in life where things were a bit different.

 

[Salvacion]

Anyone else isolate themselves to make CTB easier? For those of us who once communicated regularly with friends and family when we weren't depressed, are you now withdrawing as a means of making CTB easier? I say this as that's what I am doing. At first it was subconscious but now I realize I am doing this. I have pushed almost everyone away. Stopped reaching out. Stopped calling.

It's also because I am now ashamed. I believe I have squandered my gifts. I don't want to face all those people who once believed in me and supported me. I just want to disappear.

I do not Think it is possible to have redemption or reach out to people again. But I am not certain. The isolation is horrible. I know my time has come and it is now... but wish I would have had some contact before this end

 

[couragetodie]

There are different types who want to CTB. Some live "normal" sociable lives but just don't want to feel chronic pain from an illness. Some are very old and don't want to live longer for various reasons. Then there are those like us who suffer from depression. For the other groups I imagine they don't isolate prior to CTB. For those with depression, it seems natural. It sucks. I have felt depressed and around others before but this suicidal depression is a whole other ball of wax.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

this suicidal depression is a whole other ball of wax.

Yeah, that's a good way to put it. I've been depressed for many years, but what you feel when starting to plan your own death, is completely different... for me it came with a mixture of feelings; sometimes I'd feel completely empty, but then I'd feel at peace knowing I was getting everything in order... then extreme sadness or even feeling good knowing that I was going to do it...

 

[couragetodie]

Yeah, that's a good way to put it. I've been depressed for many years, but what you feel when starting to plan your own death, is completely different... for me it came with a mixture of feelings; sometimes I'd feel completely empty, but then I'd feel at peace knowing I was getting everything in order... then extreme sadness or even feeling good knowing that I was going to do it...

haven't felt the good yet. other emotions to be sure. mostly anxiety (that I don't know which method I am using and have shut down my life so don't have indefinite time) and sadness. The sadness mostly comes from pain loved ones will feel and grief over the death of my dreams. I haven't been suicidal my whole life and I'm now in my 40s. Depression for sure but not suicide.

 

[Worthless_nobody]

Yes. I have been depressed for years now and have always sort of isolated myself in general. Now that I have a plan to ctb I am taking it even further. I think the few friends I have left have given up on me. I just hate facing the people who still love and care about me..realizing I failed and cant be the person they had hopes and dreams for. Im also afraid because i should have just ctb when I was homeless but now I came back to with family and its making so much harder. I have just made peace that this is a rational and inevitable decision for me.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

The sadness mostly comes from pain loved ones will feel

Yeah, for me too... I feel guilty.

I've been suicidal since I was 13, and now I'm in my early 30's... I'm very tired of living like this. I get anxious about thinking I will fail with the method I chose.

 

[Crazy I]

I want to isolate myself, if i can, its hard to isolate yourself in a society like mine. Every time I want to isolate myself there always people that intrude. My family, my friends my neighbors, hell even when I survey a place to ctb i met a friend of mine who lived in another town and my neighbor whom supposedly at work that time. Even when I try to minimize my contact with my friends, they suddenly showed up at my city and do a reunion. Tbh i can cut my contact easily with my friends but that will raise my parents suspicion since I was an outgoing person ( in their eyes at least), so i'm stuck with this endless social interaction that frankly I just want to take a break for at least one day.

 

[Salvacion]

Yes. I have been depressed for years now and have always sort of isolated myself in general. Now that I have a plan to ctb I am taking it even further. I think the few friends I have left have given up on me. I just hate facing the people who still love and care about me..realizing I failed and cant be the person they had hopes and dreams for. Im also afraid because i should have just ctb when I was homeless but now I came back to with family and its making so much harder. I have just made peace that this is a rational and inevitable decision for me.

It also makes things worse when you have the thoughts, "I won't be here anymore so what does it matter if I don't get this done." Then you are still here and have to face the consequences alone. By allowing the isolation to take over it hurts even more. I realize the ultimate time has come but it is so difficult to leave.

It helps knowing people share the identical feelings.

 

[Hopeless_soul]

"I won't be here anymore so what does it matter if I don't get this done."

Yeah, I'm in that state now... I have to start my life again if I don't do it soon...

 

[lululoo]

I relate to so much in this thread.

 

[ForestLove]

I think in Life, the most difficult thing to let go is attachments. Attachment with people, pets, things etc. Once you are at peace with yourself, it's time to go.

 

[couragetodie]

I think in Life, the most difficult thing to let go is attachments. Attachment with people, pets, things etc. Once you are at peace with yourself, it's time to go.

I experienced a lot of loss and hardship growing up. Loss is really hard for me emotionally. So detaching from others (even things) is hard. I think you are right though. I think finding this peace is critical. But I am so trained to care about others and to detach is against my instincts.

 

[ForestLove]

I experienced a lot of loss and hardship growing up. Loss is really hard for me emotionally. So detaching from others (even things) is hard. I think you are right though. I think finding this peace is critical. But I am so trained to care about others and to detach is against my instincts.

I am very sorry that you had to experience such loss and hardships during your growing up years. It is never easy to detach from things or pple we have feelings to all these years. I have already withdrawn myself from others. But family is very hard to withdraw myself to because they will msg you every other day to check in with you.

Once you are able to let go of this temporary existence, then can you be truly free.

 

[couragetodie]

I am very sorry that you had to experience such loss and hardships at such a young age. It is never easy to detach from things or pple we have feelings to all these years.
I have already withdrawing myself from others. But family is very hard to withdraw myself to because they will msg you every other day to check in with me.

I jus feel tired of having to repeat everyday doing the same things over and over again. There is no meaning in my existence at all.

I used to be very active and believed it was our destiny to explore. That was what we were here to do. I believed that we suffer from depression due to not exploring.

 

[ForestLove]

I used to be very active and believed it was our destiny to explore. That was what we were here to do. I believed that we suffer from depression due to not exploring.

That is what I feel too. Life is all about experiencing it. Be it good or bad.

I'm a nature lover and love to explore too. Have you tried taking a short break to overseas for some little exploration? At least we do what we can now and enjoy while it lasts.

 

[whatever1111]

this thread really hits the nail :(
everything fell apart so quickly, and now I have to make a decision bigger than me

 

[Psilo]

I've been isolated my whole life, so anything else will raise suspicion.

 

[iiii5555]

I've been isolating myself ever since i've been born.

I came so far, not gonna stop now. Time to isolate myself from this existence.

 

[Jack]

Hell yeah push everyone away and die outside in the cold

 

[Salvacion]

this thread really hits the nail :(
everything fell apart so quickly, and now I have to make a decision bigger than me

My life too.....
Prayers for you......
This is the final decision

 

[whatever1111]

My life too.....
Prayers for you......
This is the final decision

thank you, I hope you find your peace, this way or another, sending lot of love to you
I hate how I lived to see what I have become, to see my self-respect and youth fade and crumble