I FEEL you, friend, these words hit the heart. I have my close family members of my household, and I only really talk to those three. Saying words to anyone else is a task and a half. I just don't enjoy talking to anyone else anymore, it seems like such a waste of time to make friends.
I'll text back and forth with a couple of friendly coworkers, but they begin to want to hang out and .. know me. I don't want them knowing me, I'm an asshole sometimes and I don't wanna make enemies because I can't tell them,"oh, sorry about my fourth breakdown of the day earlier, I'm clinically insane." Doesn't fly.
Leaving the house is a chore. If I don't need to be there, you won't catch me out in public. I'm either in my house, at work, or in the woods.
Maybe you could take yourself out? To do something you like, on your own? Blast music so you can't hear your thoughts, buy yourself some gooood ass sushi and .. idk. I'm not sure whatcha like... but maybe just have a you day that you actually planned, and plan to enjoy??
Much love (: