Is this the beginning of the end?? What do I do?!

[Draconian Alone]

I'm scared my friend might start drifting away from me now. I need help please. I can't lose her, I'm just a zombie without her.
I've already lost all hope and can breed or have any romantic love. Now all I'm hoping for is a friend.

Some background: My friend is a very "drift through life", "no thoughts head empty" type person. She really contrasts the broody overthinker in me. We always love talking to each other and hanging out.

Well it's been a bit different know. Schools been in session for a few weeks now. She's definitely been quieter towards me. She says that she just doesn't know what to talk about and that she has the memory of the goldfish. I can't even talk to her about any media because… all she really watches is YouTube shorts.

Well today we were in a bit of an awkward spot and then she said that our conversations have kind of stagnated, "it's not your fault," she says to me, "I just don't have anything to talk about."

So we spent the rest of the day in silence.

How do I engage somebody like her? I need to pull her back in before she starts really drifting off. I need her in my life.

Please, if you guys have any advice, please share.

 

[Gangrel]

You could try sharing your interests with her and talking to her about what you like. Even if she doesn't watch much outside of YouTube, you could introduce her to things you enjoy in a casual way. Maybe share a funny clip or an interesting topic and ask what she thinks about it. Instead of questions that can be answered with a yes or no, try asking her about her day, what she's been doing lately, or if she's seen anything funny or interesting on YouTube. This can give her the space to share without feeling pressured.

Sometimes, people go through phases where they're quieter or less engaged. Suggest doing something fun together that doesn't require deep conversation, like watching a movie, playing a game, or going for a walk. Sometimes, just being together can help ease the pressure of needing to fill the silence. Let her know you're there for her, and don't hesitate to express that you value her friendship. Friendships ebb and flow, and it's okay to have quiet moments.

 

[Draconian Alone]

thank you. The thing is, I do give her open ended questions and ask her about how her day goes. Usually my questions are more open ended so we can have a discussion about them. The thing is, when I ask her about how her day was, and/or if she's watched anything interesting, etc. she often responds with, "uh….." and "I have the memory of the goldfish" she was a little less like this when we were friends last year.

But yes, I should express how I am grateful for her. Thank you.

 

[dune_dweller]

Maybe just let her go?

Sometimes friendships just run their course.

At the end of the day you can't put the responsibility on someone else to be your fulfillment.

 

[-Link-]

Well today we were in a bit of an awkward spot and then she said that our conversations have kind of stagnated, "it's not your fault," she says to me, "I just don't have anything to talk about."

Hmm... Well, I think it's a positive sign that she's actually voicing the problem. I'd be more concerned if she was just shutting down without a word at all.

Sometimes, people go through phases where they're quieter or less engaged. Suggest doing something fun together that doesn't require deep conversation, like watching a movie, playing a game, or going for a walk. Sometimes, just being together can help ease the pressure of needing to fill the silence. Let her know you're there for her, and don't hesitate to express that you value her friendship. Friendships ebb and flow, and it's okay to have quiet moments.

This sounds like brilliant advice, and I'd definitely look at making it more of an activity-based friendship than necessarily talking. For now. Do the activity, and then you can talk about what you were just doing. Plus you'd be going through experiences with each other and making positive memories together.

Another thing that comes to mind... If you're lost as to what to talk about, go to Google and search for "conversation starters". Another technique I've heard people use is looking at advice-themed subreddits and using people's posts as topics for their own conversations.

And yes, to reiterate what ^he said, it's OK to have quiet moments. You'll know it's a strong friendship when you're withstanding long periods of silence without feeling any awkwardness.

 

[Draconian Alone]

Thank you everybody for giving your great advice. God bless.

 

[penguinl0v3s]

Well today we were in a bit of an awkward spot and then she said that our conversations have kind of stagnated, "it's not your fault," she says to me, "I just don't have anything to talk about."

Sounds like she knows you well, it's sweet that she thought to say that.

So we spent the rest of the day in silence.

How do I engage somebody like her? I need to pull her back in before she starts really drifting off. I need her in my life.

Please, if you guys have any advice, please share.

Well, maybe you're too uncomfortable with silence. Silence is only awkward if you make it (reference). I can't speak for myself, but I hear people on the 'net talking about the idea of "comfortable silence" being something they can do with close friends. Taking silence as a drifting friendship could be overthinking and making it harder to connect, because forced conversation feels way more awkward.

I'd suggest doing activities that don't require much talking, but that you can bond over, like crocheting, reading, or going out to dinner. Even better if you can look for a shared hobby together, which would give you room to make conversation.