Help Is this because I have a CTB plan, place, and time or are the antidepressants working?

[mustangsally4ever]

The last two days dare I say I feel somewhat "normal," like every day isn't complete torture. I'm trying to figure out if it's because my CTB day is set for about one week away and I'm just so relieved and happy that I will be out of psychic pain soon? Or could it be because the new antidepressants I started taking 3 weeks ago might be working?

I don't want to delay my plan because I had to make up a story for my partner about why I need to go out of town for 3 days to the place where my jump spot is. Plus we have a trip planned for a week later that I'm dreading and don't want to go on with him. Are these stupid reasons for delaying? I feel like I'm ready and finally have the energy to go through with my plan. Even if I'm feeling a little better, the only options for my future are bleak. My partner is emotionally abusive but I can't live without him - I'm not able to care for myself or work and I'm over 50.

I know I could do it and I still want to. It just feels weird to not be totally and completely depressed. I know this is pretty common for people right before they CTB because they are so relieved that they will finally be out of pain. But then I remembered I started on a new type of antidepressants 3 weeks ago.

Thoughts?

 

[Dusk till dawn]

When you have a plan you feel relieved, when you don't have a way out then you feel trapped and you'll constantly seek suicide, the idea of suicide relieves you from the thought that you trapped with no way out, and when you have a method ready, you are relieved since you are no longer trapped

 

[ForgottenAgain]

I don't think there is a way to know for sure because antidepressants usually take 3 to 4 weeks to have an effect and you're at that period of time.

Only way you could be sure would have been without taking the meds.

 

[lost_ange2211]

Yes, could be the antidepressants kicking in. If I was you i would just monitor your own mood. If it stays stable over the next days, maybe just let the "normal" feeling settle in and a day before your date rewind your plan, your thoughts about ctb and if you feel better with the desicion to ctb than to continue that life well you got your answer.

But it is also no shame to back out of your original plans. Do what you think is best for you.

 

[mustangsally4ever]

When you have a plan you feel relieved, when you don't have a way out then you feel trapped and you'll constantly seek suicide, the idea of suicide relieves you from the thought that you trapped with no way out, and when you have a method ready, you are relieved since you are no longer trapped

Yes, I think this is it. I feel more like my usual self today, so I don't think it's the antidepressants.

Only a few more days now and I will be free.