I've been fasting for almost 48 hours now and haven't ate much the days before that. I was lucky enough to get antiemetics from my doctor at the end of last week that they couldn't give me at first, which I have been taking since yesterday. I actually want to take my SN tomorrow morning. But geez it's mentally tough. I've already grabbed my SN 3 times today and looked at it like, how can this do the trick. In addition, it is almost 3 years old and is in a simple ziplock which suddenly worries me even tho it looks fine and has never been opened. Plus the voice "just eat" is almost eating me up. I know I don't have to do it if I can't. But I also know I'll hate myself even more if I don't push through now that I'm almost there.
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 37,189
That does sound like the survival instinct, and of course actually going through with suicide can certainly be something that is difficult as we have to overcome this instinct. It's like the SI exists just to prolong our suffering and keep us here trapped in this world, and of course this can be so very frustrating. But at least you have the option of a reliable method for when the time is right for you to leave this world, I consider those who have SN to be fortunate. I wish you the best of luck.
Thank you for responding and your well wishes. Very helpfull and I do agree I should be very fortunate
I have set alarms for the next couple of hours when there needs to be action (take meds, prepare things etc.) So I don't have to think about that anymore.
