Venting Is this abuse or what?

[FoxSauce]

Well My mom is a very difficult person to be with over all. I dont feel love for her anymore im trying to see her in the best light I can despite everything cuz no parent is perfect but her behavior makes me want to end my life. I'll just admit it now I dont love my mom...maybe it sounds selfish but I cant anymore.


Im tired of her constant criticism and invalidating behavior overall. Im sick and tired of walking on eggshells around her.
She gets so defensive when you try to tell her something

Doe example onetime she was using our shampoo to wash her hair my sister asked for it back and told her why she was using it while she had shampoo of her own, she threw and told my sister she was a bad person (I wish I was making this up)

Now she said she found my charger box and said : "look what I've found in the car."
I replied with no attitude what so ever: oh really? How it got there ? She responded in annoyed tone while smiling: "I dunno maybe it grew legs and walked over there." I replied annoyed: "that wasn't funny." She replied: "You have no sense of humor."

Was I too sensitive or dramatic? I dont even trust my own judgement.

For me its normal to be like this, I want to cry but then she'll feel attacked so I rather keep it in.
Theres someone much stuff she has done. Living with her feels like with a roomate more than a parent you just gotta bear with it.

Im not even sure thats abuse or anything I have no idea..but deep down I feel like I owe everything to her.


Ofc she has done good things like buy us stuff, food a home she helps with therapy. Please if anybody can tell me what this is.
Cuz no matter who I tell this too they just tell me how it can be fixed,WHEN THERES

NO FUCKING FIXING!! I TRIES EVERYTHING TO BE A GOOD DAUGHTER BUT IM NOTHING IN HER EYES. SHE HAVE ME WHEN IT BENEFITS HER NEEDS AND EVERYONE. WHERE THE FUCK WAS SHE WHEN I NEEDED HER, I WAS THERE WHEN SHE NEEDED ME, I NEVER JUDGED HER FOR ANYTHING!! IM SO ANGRY WITH MYSELF.

I already posted this on a thread but I feel like it could get more answers if I just
made this thread , yes ik its mostly just complaining but I need answers.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I feel sad you have a mother that is so adamant in attacking you and your sister. I don't have much I can say to help you but I hope I can at least be a good friend when I'm needed.

 

[FoxSauce]

Reading this now looks like I had a tantrum geez

Im deeply sorry I let my emotions get the better of me.

I didnt have the maturity to take a step back and realize what I posted.


Ik I should be grateful for what I have instead of complaining. So really sorry.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

It's okay friend. It's okay to feel frustrated and act out like a child. Sometimes we need to let it happen. Don't blame yourself for something natural and human.

 

[Ethel]

It can be classified as emotional abuse yes,although...I have a similar mom like,I honestly think you should see your mom as a narcissistic person, because that's similar to my past feelings,(not sure,just saying)

I am book person, and the best I can recommend is "it's not you" by ramini durvasula

But there's also a great channel about narcissistic parents, "theraminTrees"

In special the videos of cluster B parents,living with abusers and double binds

Sorry for the ranting btw

 

[FoxSauce]

Dw

It can be classified as emotional abuse yes,although...I have a similar mom like,I honestly think you should see your mom as a narcissistic person, because that's similar to my past feelings,(not sure,just saying)

I am book person, and the best I can recommend is "it's not you" by ramini durvasula

But there's also a great channel about narcissistic parents, "theraminTrees"

In special the videos of cluster B parents,living with abusers and double binds

Sorry for the ranting btw

Your fine and I'll totally check it out!!

 

[Ethel]

Dw

Your fine and I'll totally check it out!

If it helps ya,tell me on dms or here

It makes me smile knowing I made others smile too XD

 

[Forever Sleep]

Did she buy the shampoo for your sister? It's tricky to say really. I think a lot of parents get kind of overwhelmed with caring for and, tidying up after their children. I've heard those sorts of disagreements before.

You know best though- how she makes you feel. The 'walking on eggshells' bit is troubling. I think all people living or even working around each other all the time are bound to have the occassional irritation and outburst. But, to get to a point you constantly feel on edge or, afraid of things kicking off- that doesn't seem great. Whether it's as bad as abuse, that's tricky. It doesn't really sound like a supportive, nurturing environment though.

 

[FoxSauce]

Well i know deep down that not all parents are perfect and im aware that is not easy being one.

To answer your question, no she didn't buy the shampoo. Ofc im no saint either but still, she does invalidate your feelings a lot of the times, she gets mad over the slightest things, I still give her the benefit of the doubt.

I just want to be a good kid, I feel deep down I feel like it's my fault? Idk how to explain it.

 

[bankai]

Well i know deep down that not all parents are perfect and im aware that is not easy being one.

To answer your question, no she didn't buy the shampoo. Ofc im no saint either but still, she does invalidate your feelings a lot of the times, she gets mad over the slightest things, I still give her the benefit of the doubt.

I just want to be a good kid, I feel deep down I feel like it's my fault? Idk how to explain it.

Parents are the benchmark we have. They can gaslight us into thinking whatever we have is normal. So we're going to have to ask other people to understand what the real normal really is. I think you're a good kid. You're also a sweet kid. The problem is your mother will realize this late. That's how it is with most parents. They take their kids for granted. Please just go on with life. Study, work, whatever. Try to be happy. If your mother makes you miserable, then try to have less contact with her.Just play the fool till however long you have to stay with her. And then move out.

 

[Unbearable Mr. Bear]

I agree with @bankai, I think you're trying your best, and you're trying to be empathic as well. If you doubt yourself, and ask for advice, that's not weakness, that's willingness to learn.

Don't let yourself be anything other than yourself. There'd always someone who loves you for what you are.