Is there anyone with health and wealth that still wants to CTB?

[JoeFailure]

And I don't necessarily mean rich or in elite shape. I just mean if neither physical health or money is a concern or at least not much of a concern for you.

The reason I ask is because a few months ago, I thought money/career was solely the reason for me being suicidal. And at the time that was probably true. I remember people telling me that even if a great job fell into my lap or I somehow luckily ran into a bunch of money, that this was still probably something deeper I would have to work through. And they were right.

I have worked really hard the last 3 months to put myself in a position now where I have some leads and think I will get a pretty good job, so I wouldn't say it fell into my lap. And then of course with that will come the anxiety of actually performing well enough to keep it, but I'm going to at least try to take that one day at a time.

But what I fear now is I went down such a deep rabbit hole of existentialism-related depression and have constant anxiety about it now that I don't know if even if I do get one of these jobs, succeed, and build really solid financial stability that it'll be enough. I almost feel some guilt about it, like why me if things do work out positively and not so many other people in the world? It's in the same vein of why I've been asking why me for all the bad things that have happened and in the situation I'm in today.

I can't seem to get out of my head about that. I constantly have spiraling thoughts about it, even during or after times that are good. I don't know how to deal with it. I'm seeing a therapist and she's really great but it's still there.

I know everyone's different, but I guess I'm asking if people still have these issues who do have money and/or good physical health and how they deal with that. I'm not there yet with money/career for sure, but I'm at least getting close to a break career-wise and I thought that would really change things, but it just hasn't. I almost feel like people have to be sociopathic in away to be happy, because you do have to ignore so much of the cruelty and unfairness of the rest of the world to be truly happy. I guess I'm just aiming for being happy enough to live.

 

[I’vehadenough]

I have money, etc. But I'm killing myself bc of a surgery gone wrong. No amount of money can make it better

Your reason is probably different than mine. It may be deep trauma from the past

 

[CrushedHopes]

I'm definitely healthy and my family is relatively well off. Both don't mean crap though, when you're blacklisted. Oh well, off to death I go.

 

[Janebb]

And I don't necessarily mean rich or in elite shape. I just mean if neither physical health or money is a concern or at least not much of a concern for you.

The reason I ask is because a few months ago, I thought money/career was solely the reason for me being suicidal. And at the time that was probably true. I remember people telling me that even if a great job fell into my lap or I somehow luckily ran into a bunch of money, that this was still probably something deeper I would have to work through. And they were right.

I have worked really hard the last 3 months to put myself in a position now where I have some leads and think I will get a pretty good job, so I wouldn't say it fell into my lap. And then of course with that will come the anxiety of actually performing well enough to keep it, but I'm going to at least try to take that one day at a time.

But what I fear now is I went down such a deep rabbit hole of existentialism-related depression and have constant anxiety about it now that I don't know if even if I do get one of these jobs, succeed, and build really solid financial stability that it'll be enough. I almost feel some guilt about it, like why me if things do work out positively and not so many other people in the world? It's in the same vein of why I've been asking why me for all the bad things that have happened and in the situation I'm in today.

I can't seem to get out of my head about that. I constantly have spiraling thoughts about it, even during or after times that are good. I don't know how to deal with it. I'm seeing a therapist and she's really great but it's still there.

I know everyone's different, but I guess I'm asking if people still have these issues who do have money and/or good physical health and how they deal with that. I'm not there yet with money/career for sure, but I'm at least getting close to a break career-wise and I thought that would really change things, but it just hasn't. I almost feel like people have to be sociopathic in away to be happy, because you do have to ignore so much of the cruelty and unfairness of the rest of the world to be truly happy. I guess I'm just aiming for being happy enough to live.

Yes. I have a graduate degree, well paid career, healthy body (that is physically attractive to normal standards) and I can't fix my brain. The fact I can look at my life and have no reason currently to want to cbt is the interesting part. I have tried everything, pills, therapy, in patient, out patient treatment but I can't fix my brain. I have wanted to die since I was a little child. And although things seem good now, the trauma and devastation of my current reality makes it too much to bear

 

[ARW3N]

Is there anyone with health and wealth who is 200 years old? We will die one day and leave our wealth to someone else. Nobody lives forever.

 

[Darkbrett]

Look good, great shape, good everything. Except my brain is broken. Living inside my head is a nightmare for me.

 

[S1mpleme]

I would say my health is not too bad compared to many other people. I'm not rich, but can survive. I want to die not because I want it, not because of mental health, but because it's better than living my life. There must be a reason to everyone to live, otherwise what's the point? I never felt happy, I have or had many things in my life that many other people don't - such as food and water, clothes, home, car, devices like smartphones and computers, etc. But on emotional level I don't enjoy my life. I dream, I have thoughts always in my head, I've tried many times and different ways, but still I can't. I'm just tired of the life I can't enjoy, of that emptiness and there is nothing I can buy for money to fill that emptiness.

 

[TAW122]

I don't really have either (unless you consider physically able-bodied and having needs met). I have Aspergers and it's a condition and disorder that I wished I never had. I always yearned to experience what it is like to live a life like most people, but sadly, that is not an option. While I am grateful that I have people who will give me support in life, my life still sucks and I'm still working on getting back on my feet (while I cope as best as I can). So in short, even if I had things better, there are still personal and philosophical reasons for wanting to CTB.

 

[Betweenlifeanddeath]

I had a great career until a few weeks ago. I am in rather good health. Yet... There must have been an underlying pain something else. When I lost my job recently, followed by a romantic breakup.. It was very difficult. After 304 weeks of job search and many, many interviews, I was swept by depression.

The sad truth is that, even if I was giving the perfect job on a platter tomorrow, and getting back with this person... I am not sure that I would be suddenly OK.

Something of the depressive mood will stay with me for along time.

Career, health.. They are not everything, no. There is more. Still looking for it.

 

[Merith]

I have enough money to make a down payment on a house. I'm 18. I am physically perfect. And still different in all of the wrong ways.

I'm a social recluse, lonely, and I've ruined so many opportunities for myself. I've failed all of my college courses in my first semester and want to just self-teach if anything. But above all, I just want a way out. The stuff I mentioned before aren't even close to the tip of the iceberg. I'm leaving a lot out, only opting to list the more minor things.

I'm uninterested in this entire game where I endure 60 more years of either being a wage slave or breaking my back just to get a few pieces of paper that certify me in computer engineering, then likely continuing to become a wage slave. Waking up multiple times of the week knowing that I don't belong here, shouldn't be here. Why wait for something to come naturally at the end of 60 years if I can just do it myself, right now.

 

[Lotus1818]

I have enough money. I have my own house and a good job tho that's stressful at times. And I'm kinda super scared of my boss all the time.

I do have allot of physical pain. That's partially why I wanna ctb. But the main reason is because I don't wanna work for 50 years, grow older and get more pain. I don't see a reason to live. I need some kind of goal I think.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

have money, etc. But I'm killing myself bc of a surgery gone wrong. No amount of money can make it better

One of my reasons too. I know it's a problem but makes me feel good that I'm not the only one. I wish you the best.

 

[imagineit]

I recognize that I am fortunate in my upbringing and present circumstance. I have my bodily health and financial support if necessary. I won't know what it's like to grow up poor, without friends, exist in an abusive household, or the myriad of other trauma that people experience. It has been hard to come to terms with things like this because I do believe that life isn't supposed to be without some hardship and that people are supposed to endure and help others along the way. I realized this too late. I do not want to exist just to be comfortable with a well paying job and my health and a family there is something deeper that I need that I just can't bring myself to do. It's hard.

I know what it is like to continually exist in a headspace that reinforces negative feedback, and you have to exit this mentality if there is going to be any hope. I have come to firmly believe this. I read your post and I think you should see this new potential development through if you really desire it. I think, deep down, everyone knows if they harbor even a shred of hope. And so long as that ember is there I think one should try to keep it going. But only you know.

 

[Mizzmini45]

Yes no health problems. Genetically looking at my family we live a long time with no issues if theirs no drug and you take care of yourself. Basically if I decided I wanted to live a long time and take care of myself the odds of me living to 90 plus is on my side but there is no way in hell I'm doing this for the next 60 years. My mom,
and grandma even told me this. I decided Im ending it sooner then later. Can't suffer through it. For some people the reason is that simple. They just don't want to. I wish the people who wanted my years could take them

 

[Quarky00]

There are plenty.

It's predisposition (tendency) + events (like yours: money/career). The balance varies individually. A "small" issue could spiral someone down. Many "big" issues could break even the "strongest". In both cases it could be terminal, or a person can recover.

Some people described in other threads a strong inherent force despite living a rather good life (even enjoyable and meaningful). Others detailed how death was part of them from an early age, despite a good childhood. I relate easily to both, and I understand anhedonia and existential depression. I think most still fall somewhere in the middle: significant life events with predisposition.

What I find confusing is the very rare extreme: people genuinely enjoying life wanting to ctb. I'm aware they're not really "enjoying", and I accept it as it is. But if someone could shed light that'd be great.

Sorry if I digressed...

 

[porfin1234]

I have a job that I'm not good at and physically healthy.
I've had suicidal ideation for many years although now I think it's hilarious I ever thought of suicide until now
I screwed with very serious things- my finances and home. Before it was just self loathing or getting triggered by some guy I got attached to for now reason. Lol. Not sure why.
now i really have screwed my life up.

 

[TooLate2582]

Yes. I am excellent physical shape. I have body dysmorphia issues but I'm told by others that I am attractive. Sex as a coping mechanism for me; it doesn't fill the void but I've also been told that I'm pretty good at that as well. I have a wonderful career where I lead my company in performance. My competitors consult me as do my supervisors.

Doesn't change a thing.

 

[MysticPerception]

Good health, good genes, and have enough intelligence that I could definitely get a job that would make me well off enough to not mind money in the future. It's actually really scary because I could live to 100 and that's absolutely horrifying and a nightmare to me. Everyone has their reasons or their situation. While I would rather be crying in a mansion rather than on the street, I would also still ctb in that situation anyway. Life isn't worth sticking around for in my mind.

 

[I’vehadenough]

One of my reasons too. I know it's a problem but makes me feel good that I'm not the only one. I wish you the best.

What happened to you

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

What happened to you

Collarbone injury. I have back pain and my torax is deformed. Chronic pain on the left side . It's difficult for me to do computer tasks and playing guitar. Things that I loved to do but now I don'tenjoy because of pain. I tried everything even surgery. I did my best but pain doesn't go away and i can't live like this. I prefer dyimg than living like this the rest of my life. I miss my life before all this and i cant go back. This shit changed my life and the more I think the more I want to ctb.

 

[Rushon]

I had cancer and lost my job, girlfriend, home, dogs, everything because of it. Hard to believe how people treat each other. So I have 5 job offers now so I will be able to make a decent living but my brain does to seem to be going along with the plan. I have a huge heart but a 10 cent brain. I still miss the life I had so much, everything seemed great before the cancer. Actually through the first round of cancer everything was fine, but when it came back my gf could not handle it. I hope, but don't expect, a new job is going to see me through the horrible pain and loneliness I feel every day.

 

[Sunshine]

I have money, etc. But I'm killing myself bc of a surgery gone wrong. No amount of money can make it better

Your reason is probably different than mine. It may be deep trauma from the past

What happened to you?

 

[Daffodil]

Honestly if you feel that you have a chance you should get away from this forum. Or at least take a long break.

 

[AlreadyGone]

I have money and relatively good health. However the rest of life sucks and I guess that is what led me here.

 

[CynicalHopelessness]

Neither is much of a concern for me. I have well paying job, plenty of options if I choose to change. My health is probably below average, but right now there are no bad symptoms. Still, every night I go to sleep I wish I did not wake up.

It's very hard to understand what you really need. I probably would be in a different state if I had any meaningful connection to people around me, but at this point I don't even know if that would be enough to make me not want to CTB, too.

 

[Daffodil]

I think a very core issue is that life is inherently suffering, this is the nature of existence for all species. We delude ourselves into thinking chasing happiness is worth is because it propagates the species. The economy will likely not get better for working class people and the environment is at huge risk.

 

[lymbo]

I think a very core issue is that life is inherently suffering, this is the nature of existence for all species. We delude ourselves into thinking chasing happiness is worth is because it propagates the species. The economy will likely not get better for working class people and the environment is at huge risk.

so true why the world economy ys sush shyt for regular people