Discussion Is there anyone on here who’s parents planned their existence?

[RemainingDubious]

Is there anyone on here who's parents actually planned their existence?

If so what is the likeliness that you've actually been told the truth?

i'm just wondering it's possible that we're all feeling how we do and experienced what we have due to us all being a unwanted mistake all along?

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Me. Right down to the gender. I am very confident my parents would have no reason to lie about this because I have Asian parents and am their first child. They had every intention of creating me. I'm also a son which is what every Asian parent seemingly wants for their first kid. My mom who is deeply religious even prayed for me to be born a son so I don't think there's anything about my actual birth that my parents regret. The timing of me being born exactly nine months after their wedding corroborates their story too.

None of this correlates to how suicidal I feel or how my life went. I do understand how it can feel painful knowing you're unwanted or unplanned but I can say that being wanted and planned still has its own disadvantages for example it makes being a disappointment for their lofty expectations feel even worse knowing they had big plans for you and you've ruined them in life.

 

[Slow_Farewell]

Well, not me personally but i have known people who are a product of efficient/good family planning. I'd say that the difference lies in the financial aspect (which has a big impact). Those that I know whose parents planned out their children seem to be more prepared financially which meant they could focus on parenting better, in a way.

But aside from that, I don't really place that much value on whether one is a bastard or not. I am a bastard myself, born out of wedlock, even, but I see posts here wherein the posters were products of a good family (they admitted it themselves in their posts) but still struggle in the same areas as I do.

 

[RemainingDubious]

Me. Right down to the gender. I am very confident my parents would have no reason to lie about this because I have Asian parents and am their first child. They had every intention of creating me. I'm also a son which is what every Asian parent seemingly wants for their first kid. My mom who is deeply religious even prayed for me to be born a son so I don't think there's anything about my actual birth that my parents regret. The timing of me being born exactly nine months after their wedding corroborates their story too.

None of this correlates to how suicidal I feel or how my life went. I do understand how it can feel painful knowing you're unwanted or unplanned but I can say that being wanted and planned still has its own disadvantages for example it makes being a disappointment for their lofty expectations feel even worse knowing they had big plans for you and you've ruined them in life.

i've got no idea if i was planned or not, even if i was a can't imagine getting the truth i just was just curious if we're not like "normal" people could be because we weren't to exist.

Clearly you prove that isn't the case.

 

[Ashu]

Yeah. They fucked up, I fucked up. It was human error, nobody's fault, just very sad.

 

[sserafim]

Yeah my parents were living in different countries (and they still do, halfway across the world from each other) and my dad said how they had to coordinate having a child, so my existence was planned unfortunately. He said that it was a miracle that I was born and that it was a gift from God (lol religious bs but it's even funnier because I didn't even know that he believed in God). I guess whenever they were together they tried for a kid? I was born like 9 months after my mom's birthday. They wanted me to be born exactly after it as well, on the 15th instead of the 14th.

 

[steppenwolf]

lol kids aren't planned. Nobody wants kids. But if you will ride a bike, sometimes you will fall off and get cuts and bruises. Kids are like those cuts and bruises.

 

[RemainingDubious]

Yeah my parents were living in different countries (halfway across the world from each other) and my dad said how they had to coordinate having a child, so my existence was planned unfortunately. He said that it was a miracle that I was born and that it was a gift from God (lol religious bs)

Awww i actually find that quite cute Bless them.

Sorry i know you definitely won't see it like that i imagine it probably actually makes you feel worse

 

[EvisceratedJester]

My parents planned on having me despite them living with my paternal grandparents at the time. I think they were being honest when they told me this since my dad has talked about wanting to create his own family for a long time and mom has talked about wanting children since she was younger. It's funny because I used to assume that I must have been an accident. Somehow, the idea that I was actually planned just makes me even more unhappy. I hate saying this, but I can't help but slightly resent them for bringing me into existence. I wish I was a miscarriage...

 

[RemainingDubious]

I hate saying this, but I can't help but slightly resent them for bringing me into existence. I wish I was a miscarriage...

i totally understand that i wish mine didn't create me one actually ctb when i was a kid too. they must of really wanted me

The parent i have left gets upset i don't celebrate my birthdays (how can i celebrate an even i detest? ) but they don't respect my wishing (they only did this year since they knew other dates around that time are really triggering for me and some are too raw)

i understand why they find it sad and although it isn't what i want. i do appreciate they try their best to make it bearable for me

Fucking hell this is painful even thinking about FML Seriously someone please put me out my misery

They got upset when i first told them why i have no reason to celebrate it. They replied: "but it was the day you were born." (Like i wasn't aware ) i remember there face when i said: yeah exactly why would i want to celebrate that, i wish i wasn't born. They were heartbroken and trying their hardest not to cry and said they feel awful that i feel how i do and they were happy i was born and want to celebrate it cause they loved me

So i can only imagine how hurtful it must be for a parent that loves their child, to know how much they hate their existence

This is what absolutely destroys me. That parent is getting old, complains about their health, talks about life insurance, etc. Like their trying to prepare for the day i don't want to be around for

i get why they're so delusional and believes suffering will be rewarded in the afterlife and assumes good will come

If they weren't so delusional i don't know how on earth they'd cope.

From their perspective: the person they loved since they were a child ctb after they wouldn't go back to abuse after around 20 years of it.

Their eldest child ctb

Their second eldest ctb

Then there's me who's wanted to ctb before my siblings did. i've been next in line for a long time and have made my peace with that fact

i don't wanna cause them anymore suffering yet i'm a burden who's suffering and have tried existing for them countless years. why would i wanna stick around to see them go

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Nobody wants kids.

If only this was true lol

 

[sserafim]

Awww i actually find that quite cute Bless them.

Sorry i know you definitely won't see it like that i imagine it probably actually makes you feel worse

Lol I think they only had kids because their parents and society expected them to, but thanks I guess

 

[RemainingDubious]

Lol I think they only had kids because their parents and society expected them to, but thanks I guess

i don't mean to sound insensitive whatsoever i think i have a basic understanding of how you must feel and completely understand you can't help how you feel, if you could magically feel "better" i assume you'd probably much rather feel okay than how you do

Could it be possible you're downplaying the significance due to your personal thoughts and feelings are kind of blinding you from the bigger picture?

As a complete outsider the way the bigger picture seems from my personal perspective is: once upon a time your parents loved each other so much they literally went the distance for each other their love literally crossed oceans and overcame distance they didn't talk the talk they went the distance that's true love, that's rare.

i imagine you definitely won't feel like this but from my perspective you seem like a genuine person (That's rare too) you seem compassionate are genuinely care (that's rare too, most people only really care about themselves)

Now to me it makes complete sense why you don't seem like most. You were literally a manifestation of their love. It's heartbreaking you feel the way you do.

There's no real justice in the world. horrible people should suffer their guilt should eat them but they're having the time of there lives while good people suffer

It's like Bizarro World and i don't even know what the hell is actually up

 

[sserafim]

i don't mean to sound insensitive whatsoever i think i have a basic understanding of how you must feel and completely understand you can't help how you feel, if you could magically feel "better" i assume you'd probably much rather feel okay than how you do

Could it be possible you're downplaying the significance due to your personal thoughts and feelings are kind of blinding you from the bigger picture?

As a complete outsider the way the bigger picture seems from my personal perspective is: once upon a time your parents loved each other so much they literally went the distance for each other their love literally crossed oceans and overcame distance they didn't talk the talk they went the distance that's true love, that's rare.

i imagine you definitely won't feel like this but from my perspective you seem like a genuine person (That's rare too) you seem compassionate are genuinely care (that's rare too, most people only really care about themselves)

Now to me it makes complete sense why you don't seem like most. You were literally a manifestation of their love. It's heartbreaking you feel the way you do.

There's no real justice in the world. horrible people should suffer their guilt should eat them but they're having the time of there lives while good people suffer

It's like Bizarro World and i don't even know what the hell is actually up
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Lol thanks. I think it still comes down to what @Dr Iron Arc said though, but I'm a girl instead.

 

[Forever Sleep]

My parents and especially my Mum desperately wanted children and then, she died 3 years later. Best laid plans and all that... Life is so unpredictable. I think it's so risky having children. Even if they are born into a loving home, who knows what shit lies ahead?

 

[RemainingDubious]

Lol thanks. I think it still comes down to what @Dr Iron Arc said though, but I'm a girl instead.

Have those pressures and expectations be told to you (when i say you i mean you too @Dr Iron Arc ) or have you overheard them saying you disappoint them or something?

Is there a possibility that you may have placed them on yourselfs by believing that you're someway letting them down?

i personally try to avoid assumptions and stuff i don't know for certain is actually factual

Since you were both wanted so much it seems unlikely you'd actually be loved less for not meeting targets. If i had a child i can't imagine i'd love them less

i wouldn't want them to feel under pressure and i'd be heartbroken if they felt like that. If they were doing something fucked i'd let them know, but i don't imagine i'd love them any less. At the end of the day it'd be their life, they'd live and learn.

i wouldn't expect they to be a robot following commands

 

[DarkRange55]

Yes

 

[ijustwishtodie]

No. My parents planned for a neurotypical kid who could serve them during old age and be perpetually loyal to them just because they're parents. I do think that my mum has done a lot to deserve respect but, sadly, my neurotype isn't such that I can care much about others. Going back on topic, my parents planned to have a neurotypical kid (as all parents do) and got shocked when they found out that I had autism. If I wasn't good at maths back then, I think they would have probably gave me up for adoption or something but I don't know

 

[RemainingDubious]

My parents and especially my Mum desperately wanted children and then, she died 3 years later. Best laid plans and all that... Life is so unpredictable. I think it's so risky having children. Even if they are born into a loving home, who knows what shit lies ahead?

Am sorry for your loss especially at such a young age i imagine that would of been difficult to understand at the time and growing up without many memories

It's probably a good thing i don't have kids, i think i'd be a nervous wreck especially if i had a daughter, they'd probably be wrapped In bubble wrap and i'd probably find any excuse to ground them when they're a teenager so they'd be safe at home

I do think that my mum has done a lot to deserve respect

i'm glad your mum earned respect

my parents planned to have a neurotypical kid (as all parents do) and got shocked when they found out that I had autism. If I wasn't good at maths back then, I think they would have probably gave me up for adoption or something but I don't know

it's completely alien to me how parents can be like that, i don't understand how people can treat people worse for things they had absolutely no choice over it seems rather cruel to me. It's not like you wanted to be "different" or you're less human than anyone else.

The only way i can personally make any sense whatsoever is they're weren't educated enough to understand better so without much knowledge and/or support to learn they unintentionally took their frustrations out on you?

That's the only logical reason that personally makes any sense to me

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Have those pressures and expectations be told to you (when i say you i mean you too @Dr Iron Arc ) or have you overheard them saying you disappoint them or something?

Is there a possibility that you may have placed them on yourselfs by believing that you're someway letting them down?

i personally try to avoid assumptions and stuff i don't know for certain is actually factual

Since you were both wanted so much it seems unlikely you'd actually be loved less for not meeting targets. If i had a child i can't imagine i'd love them less

i wouldn't want them to feel under pressure and i'd be heartbroken if they felt like that. If they were doing something fucked i'd let them know, but i don't imagine i'd love them any less. At the end of the day it'd be their life, they'd live and learn.

In my case, I don't need to hear my parents say I'm a disappointment. I know it. It doesn't take a genius to realize I'm not one given my current life situation. My parents are divorced so it's not like they'd discuss it with each other anyway.

Besides it doesn't matter if my parents love me or not. I don't want my father's love because he's a terrible person. My mother less so. Both were probably blinded too much by their desire for kids to see that they didn't love each other enough. In my dad's case especially he must have been incredibly desperate since he was 38 when I was born and I'm pretty sure my mom was his first relationship. This is the main reason I believe that even if I somehow find a relationship for the first time in my 30s then I'm destined to become like him due to his lack of experience and built-up resentment.

My parents do love me but my father is too narcissistic to show it in a productive way and my mother is too battered by his abuse towards her to be a helpful parent either.

 

[XINGBATAI]

Is there anyone on here who's parents actually planned their existence?

If so what is the likeliness that you've actually been told the truth?

i'm just wondering it's possible that we're all feeling how we do and experienced what we have due to us all being a unwanted mistake all along?

Mine planned me. I was their first son. I have two younger brothers. My youngest brother was unplanned, and my parents readily admit that, so I don't see any reason not to believe them about myself. Even though my youngest brother was unplanned, they still love him and never begrudged having him. But one of the very few good thing in my life are two amazing parents, which seems to be pretty rare these days.

 

[sserafim]

No. My parents planned for a neurotypical kid who could serve them during old age and be perpetually loyal to them just because they're parents. I do think that my mum has done a lot to deserve respect but, sadly, my neurotype isn't such that I can care much about others. Going back on topic, my parents planned to have a neurotypical kid (as all parents do) and got shocked when they found out that I had autism.

Yeah same. They wanted a kid but they wanted a neurotypical one, not one with Asperger's and ADHD. I think they primarily had me because their parents wanted them to have children and it was expected of them, societal pressures and expectations, and to have someone help them in old age. I wish that filial piety wasn't such a big part of their culture…

 

[ijustwishtodie]

i'm glad your mum earned respect

It took a while for me to understand but, aside from her authoritarian beliefs due to indoctrination and religion, she's a good parent

it's completely alien to me how parents can be like that, i don't understand how people can treat people worse for things they had absolutely no choice over it seems rather cruel to me. It's not like you wanted to be "different" or you're less human than anyone else.

The only way i can personally make any sense whatsoever is they're weren't educated enough to understand better so without much knowledge and/or support to learn they unintentionally took their frustrations out on you?

That's the only logical reason that personally makes any sense to me

It's because parents want somebody normal and they get frustrated at having to deal with a person with disabilities. I can guarantee you that every person who had a kid did not even consider that their child could end up disabled... they just assume that they'll get the best luck ever and that it'd be other parents who end up unlucky instead. It isn't to do with education, it's to do with having to take more care of me than what it's needed and, also, my parents are asian who like to show their child off as a trophy to flex on others.

Due to my autism, I didn't really have much talent or skills or achievements to flex off but I was good at maths which made them think that there is still a chance for me regardless to thrive in life. Of course there isn't because I can't really be social enough to get employed for even a basic entry level job but they'll continue to think otherwise

Honestly, I wish I was a low functioning autistic instead as then maybe my parents would have murdered me early on in life which would mean that I don't have to suffer as much as I do right now. I mean I don't think they'd murder me directly but perhaps indirectly

Yeah same. They wanted a kid but they wanted a neurotypical one, not one with Asperger's and ADHD. I think they primarily had me because their parents wanted them to have children and it was expected of them, societal pressures and expectations, and to have someone help them in old age. I wish that filial piety wasn't such a big part of their culture…

Filial piety is a big part of my parents culture too. I really hate it. I hate at how they demand unconditional respect just because they gave birth to me. Out of curiosity, I wonder if either of your parents have autism or ADHD. Or if they're both neurotypical. In my case, my parents gave birth to me because they wanted somebody to take care of them during old age and because of how having kids is encouraged in religion. Unfortunately for them, I won't make it to old age as I don't intend to. I don't have a set ctb date yet but I don't want to live through old age. I'll even resort to brutal suicide methods if needed