Is there any point "getting help" if you really don't want it?

[frustratedandfedup]

My parents and brother keep telling me I need to speak to someone but I just sort of don't want to? I've been on this planet for 25 years, I feel like I've seen all I need to see and have no desire to see much more. There are so many problems that I don't even think I could list them but financially I'm in a horrible position, my hair has thinned so bad it's getting hard to keep hair anymore as the density is so different all over my head, I've got asymetical features that I hate, my jaw is really weird and looks pathetic in selfies, I have a lazy eye (Stabismus) and to top it all off, I was a shut in for years in my late teens/early 20's, got morbidly obese, lost 80kg since then but obviously this means I'm left with loose skin all over my body and every time I see myself in the mirror I want to cry. I know some of these problems won't seem THAT big to others, but they are to me. Of course the caveat is that in theory, money can solve a lot of my problems where as others aren't quite so lucky with theirs. I could (if I had the financial means) get multiple loose skin removal surgies, I could get cosmetic surgery on my jaw and I could get eye surgery to strengthen my nerves in my right eye so it becomes slightly more realligned. The issue is, I'm broke. I have 5 euro in my bank account and that's it. I'm basically broke as one can be.

I guess the question I'm trying to ask is, can someone who doesn't want help, be helped? I don't want to live anymore, I've made peace with that decision but my parents are trying to make me feel guilty about how much it'll impact their lives but why should I have to continue living in a world that every day I woke up I think "f**k, I wish I died in my sleep" just because others want me to? I tried to give life one more go, when I was 160kg I had basically written off life and was just living until I got so fat my heart couldn't take it anymore and stopped. I'm still miserable, in fact, I'm actually more miserable now than I was when I could barely walk up the stairs without feeling out of breath because at least then I felt like my day would come, I'd finally die because my health was so poor. But now that's not the case anymore, I'm reasonably health so sadly I don't see myself dying of natural causes anytime soon so suicide feels like the only way out for me.

 

[M3lancholia]

I'm so sorry you feel this way
I can feel you're set on ctb so I don't think you have anything to lose by getting any help that's offered. I think it will make your family feel better about the situation and at least you they can see you tried.
Just talking things through with therapists can be really useful.
You are in control of your own life and getting help may help you see things from a different perspective. But if not, you haven't lost anything. Good luck!

 

[-Link-]

First I'd look at the different kinds of "help".

There is "help" that keeps you alive. This is when you're acutely suicidal and you "voluntarily involuntarily" go into a hospital to get through the period where you feel you're in immediate risk of suicide. This is more about survival than anything else.

Then there is "help" that looks to improve your situation. This is what most people immediately think of when they hear the word "help" or "therapy". There are many different treatment approaches, medications, etc.

And then there is "help" that is more about acceptance -- accepting your life for what it is, trying to make peace with it, and just trying to keep suffering as minimized as possible.

If you've never sought out help before, then it's probably worth giving a serious look at it. I was someone who strongly rejected the idea of anyone or anything being able to do anything for me. I "didn't want it." That is, until I actually had it forced upon me, and to my surprise, I learned my preconceived notions about it were wrong.

So, you might surprise yourself. If the other option is death, then you probably don't have much to lose by checking it out.

 

[QteStimBnnuy]

can someone who doesn't want help, be helped?

It's generally said therapy and such doesn't really work if they aren't accepting it, not trying to understand or potentially think of getting better

That being said
-you don't seem to be going anywhere at the moment in terms of dying
-you've never tried it before, so ignore the beginning

So you don't have much to lose by going, although understandable motivations will be low and it'll feel like there is no point, not really wanting to show up, ect

I was a shut in for years in my late teens/early 20's, got morbidly obese, lost 80kg since then

Congrats bro, that's hella crazy. You've done great here

I know some of these problems won't seem THAT big to others, but they are to me

That's because they are that big. Your looks are a part of your identity, anyone going through all of that will feel awful. Valid as ever

 

[willitpass]

The thing about mental health care is it is reliant on the amount of effort and desire from the person receiving it. Sure, meds might help you reach the point of being willing and eager to get help, but not always. And if they don't, then talk therapy becomes useless. Unless your therapist is really able to get through to you and convince you that you want the help, then you're talking to a wall. The only times I've ever made temporary gains in my mental health have been when I am in a place where I want to get better and get help. That's one of the trickiest things about mental health care vs physical health care. You can take antibiotics for an infection even if you don't want to and the infection will still go away. But you can go to therapy despite being disinterested in changing and nothing will change.

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case I also just wish to not exist, I feel like I've suffered for so long now, I really understand feeling so tired of existing here, to me personally existing truly is so undesirable and all I hope for is to never wake again. But anyway I wish you the best.

 

[yxmux]

Personally, I wish I could get help, but I truly don't believe such thing exists, at least as it pertains to me. I don't believe that there is anyone who could help me or comfort me.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

Sorry you are going through this. I relate to feeling like my problems aren't half as bad as many here.
I go for exposure therapy for my OCD. I've seen improvements, but I can't imagine ever being truly better so all I think is why bother? My parents would freak out if I didn't go, but I am always thinking what's the point? I'll always have this problem , i'll never be happy in life and it's not like I want to live anyway. So it's getting harder for me to have the motivation to try to get better. I do agree it's worth a shot for you. Maybe will feel differently if you try. I think you would know pretty quickly if it's not helping

 

[ijustwishtodie]

There is no point to getting help if you don't want it. Also, I believe that you can't help somebody who doesn't want to be helped. That's just how it is

 

[Praestat_Mori]

I'm sorry u have to go through this. If you don't want help then there's no point in getting help. It won't lead anywhere only in more suffering.

 

[chester]

Your parents will never make peace with such decision because they're your parents and they love you, they want to keep you alive because as long as you're breathing they'll never lose hope that you can have a good life. I'm not saying they're right in believing so, I have no idea what it's like to be you, and I couldn't be further from moralizing. All I'm saying is that's how parents work, and it would shock me if they behaved in any other way.

They believe therapy can help you, you don't. It all boils down to if you are open to the idea, that the therapist can change your mind about therapy. I'm not asking if you believe or hope it will happen. It's more if you think it's not impossible, even if extremely unlikely. I mean, you could just go to prove your parents wrong.

 

[ThisIsMe1357]

I think if there are good options to help you, you might at least try some of them for at least a few months or one year to see if such options would work. And if you realize nothing could help you after all this time, then you can confidently say nothing can help you any more.

It also depends on what kind of help you are talking about. You mentioned certain problems which cannot be truly solved with therapy alone. They would require practical help, and yes, money is a huge part of that. If you could get help consisting of many parts, let's say, parents helping you financially, getting emotional support from other people, eventually you helping yourself financially, and then solving your problems with your skin and your hair, it would mean a lot.

If all of this was available to you, I think you could try doing something about your problems for 12 months. And after that, if you realize things are not going anywhere, you could say there is no point in getting help anymore. But I think it is worth trying for at least a short time first.

 

[brokeandbroken]

My parents and brother keep telling me I need to speak to someone but I just sort of don't want to? I've been on this planet for 25 years, I feel like I've seen all I need to see and have no desire to see much more. There are so many problems that I don't even think I could list them but financially I'm in a horrible position, my hair has thinned so bad it's getting hard to keep hair anymore as the density is so different all over my head, I've got asymetical features that I hate, my jaw is really weird and looks pathetic in selfies, I have a lazy eye (Stabismus) and to top it all off, I was a shut in for years in my late teens/early 20's, got morbidly obese, lost 80kg since then but obviously this means I'm left with loose skin all over my body and every time I see myself in the mirror I want to cry. I know some of these problems won't seem THAT big to others, but they are to me. Of course the caveat is that in theory, money can solve a lot of my problems where as others aren't quite so lucky with theirs. I could (if I had the financial means) get multiple loose skin removal surgies, I could get cosmetic surgery on my jaw and I could get eye surgery to strengthen my nerves in my right eye so it becomes slightly more realligned. The issue is, I'm broke. I have 5 euro in my bank account and that's it. I'm basically broke as one can be.

I guess the question I'm trying to ask is, can someone who doesn't want help, be helped? I don't want to live anymore, I've made peace with that decision but my parents are trying to make me feel guilty about how much it'll impact their lives but why should I have to continue living in a world that every day I woke up I think "f**k, I wish I died in my sleep" just because others want me to? I tried to give life one more go, when I was 160kg I had basically written off life and was just living until I got so fat my heart couldn't take it anymore and stopped. I'm still miserable, in fact, I'm actually more miserable now than I was when I could barely walk up the stairs without feeling out of breath because at least then I felt like my day would come, I'd finally die because my health was so poor. But now that's not the case anymore, I'm reasonably health so sadly I don't see myself dying of natural causes anytime soon so suicide feels like the only way out for me.

I'm not sure help even really exists. Maybe for some. I actively sought out help and no one gave a shit seriously. People fucking suck. Unless it is about them it's irrelevant to them. Doesn't matter who it is even psych people.

 

[NoPoint2Life]

I'm sorry u have to go through this. If you don't want help then there's no point in getting help. It won't lead anywhere only in more suffering.

Tbh, therapy did make things much much much worse for me. I was better off before it.

 

[lifeisactualtorture]

I worked in the mental heath field for over 25 years and helped many people but being on both sides, I can also say it doesn't work on me. It's comical to me because I'm trained so I wind up doing therapy on them and I can get around the tests and questions because I administer them myself.