is there a way to not need social interaction?

[megafire]

Whenever people say humans are social creatures, I used to scoff and think- not me, I don't need anyone. Turns out I was just projecting, and realizing that I was being all smug and acting like I didn't need anyone was just me trying to placate my ego for not having any friends- If I act like not having friends doesn't bother me, than maybe it won't. It's taking a hit on my pride to admit that.

As of two days ago, I broke up with my only social connection. My now-ex boyfriend was loving, and I was very fond of him, but I wasn't in love- I hadn't been for a long time. Staying with someone you don't love because you are afraid of being alone isn't fair to that person. They deserve to find someone who loves them as much as they loved you.

Now I'm alone for the first time and desperate to fill this hole. I hung out with someone other than my ex for the first time in months and my heart was thumping so hard the entire time. I seriously feel like such a fucking moron for not being a good human being, like all I have to do is be charming and convince this person that I'm not a complete fucking weirdo, how hard can that be? Just be yourself, okay yeah, fair enough but that doesn't stop me from wanting to hide in the bathroom until they leave. They seemed to have had a good time but they haven't texted me since and I feel like, Christ, do they hate me now? Did I smell bad or act weird? And my brain just goes in this vicious cycle, overthinking everything even though I know that there's no obligation for them to text me, we were just hanging out, and I didn't have that great of a time anyway so why the fuck do I care so much??? Because I have no other connections in my life anymore and this one potential friendship needs to affirm that I am Normal. Do you not believe me? Just check with my reference, they can confirm that I am One (1) Functioning Human Being.

So what I took this extreme amount of liberty to ask is, is there anyway to just... Not Need Social Interaction? To not be paralyzed by the fear of being alone while simultaneously having social anxiety and feel complete and enough as a person without a massive gaping hole in my chest? How do I be okay with being alone?

 

[WornOutLife]

I think that it's impossible because we're really social beings.
For instance, I became a NEET and barely talked to people IRL but I was part of forums like these! So, I did talk to "people"...
Still, there were days/weeks in which I only spent my time watching anime and reading manga with no social interactions at all so I guess it could be possible for a short-term period.

 

[deadspirit]

Oh I wish we didn't need social interaction, that would make life so much easier. But we do unfortunately... For me at least I have found that having at least one social interaction a week can keep me semi stable, otherwise I start getting really anxious like you described, though I know that's hard for people who may not know that many people

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Honestly, unless you're a naturally reclusive person or a monk living as a hermit, you're going to want some kind of social interaction at some point.

I go through waves of really craving it and then not desiring it at all. I kind of feel as I age, I'll probably become more and more okay with being alone as long as I have an animal with me and online friends, but I don't think I'll ever not have at least a little desire to want more than that. Whenever I go on weed binges, I actually love the idea of being some recluse out in the woods with a dog or cat or whatever. But that's not exactly a practical approach. Sorry, I really have no advice to give you, but I do know how you feel. I want to want to be alone permanently. I feel better about myself when I want solitude. It just never seems to stick for me.

 

[DocNo]

i isolated myself for 20 years. not letting anybody really close to me. often talking for months to nobody except "hello" and "thank you" at the supermarket.
i also had often this i don't need anybody mentality. and to some point i guess it works. but i also realized that to some parts of myself i can't look. seems i need some kind of mirror like another person or persons. so this loner mentality worked to realize a lot rationally but i was still trapped emotionally. understanding things but not being able to do them cause i still was trapped in emotions like anxiety and more.

in the last two months here opening up, talking with some people about my struggles and letting some of them pretty close to me, i feel that despite going through some really painful experiences by this new approach, i realized a lot i couldn't figure out by myself and i also feel to have progressed emotionally or at least i am starting to progress. that doesn't mean that i am not still struggling but i feel some change.

i mean i am still not sure if i want to live but the isolation concept also did lead me three times in my life to become suicidal with an increasing amount of being actively suicidal.

now it feels i can see at least a road. if i am able to go that road i am still not sure.

to some point my last 20 years feel a little bit like i flushed them down the toilet. not allowing myself to live and only exist. but to some point it maybe also was necessary to not go completely nuts especially at the beginning of my depression.

 

[signifying nothing]

I think you have to feel okay with being you and being with yourself, if that makes sense.

Try to become self reflective, almost like making an internal split between your awareness and what's going on in your mind. Then its like you're not alone because you are always with you? That's how I survive without much social interaction anyway.

 

[WinterIsComing]

I use internet like social vr where you have your avatar, microphone but people don't see your face

 

[Ghost2211]

It really depends on your level of social need, and your style of social need. Some people are fine with online interaction, and others are happy with just interacting with animals. other people require physical contact with other humans, and the lucky people are perfectly content with being with only themselves.

 

[Mendex]

Have a impersonal job in an agency (Like being programmer or writing) and make distance about contracts, If you have a garden start planting fruits or vegetables (I would use a book in doing that). Choice an house in the hills or in the forest. Or maybe a castle in europe (Pretty expensive). Then wait 10 or 20 years until you could buy maids robots. And congrats you would be the last human in your life.

 

[Nymph]

I know it's possible because I'm one of the ppl who don't need social interaction lol. I mean I go on SS and some social media so idk if that counts. Basically getting a lot of hobbies so you don't get bored is key. I never liked hanging out with friends and going out because I have anxiety and I felt like I never had time for myself, time for my hobbies and it felt like I was wasting my time just being outside. Everyone is different tho and has different levels of social need. I'm asocial and really don't like contact with people because I'm awkward and just bad at conversations and everything. If you have social needs you shouldn't suppress them because that's gonna make you more depressed.

 

[stygal]

I'm pretty much independent from social interaction in real life especially when it comes to physical touch. Even if I stayed on this planet for another 20 years I could go without touching anybody else ever again for sure...but it's probably a result of lots of bad things happening to me at one point in life so I don't think it's feasible for a normal/healthy human being.

During the last months I got to feel more included online and share some deeper thoughts with people I met here. And I definitely feel like I learned and grew a lot from it and definitely don't want to miss that anymore.

So for everyone who doesn't feel like he or she has a lot of contact to others I would suggest to start getting to know people online first and maybe get new perspectives that might help one find social contacts in real life.

Other than that everyone can start get more involved with their own interests or hobbies any time and not feel bored or like he or she is missing out.

 

[Frauw]

I isolated myself in a room alone for seven years, and didn't speak a word for three of them. I'd say it's possible but it takes a certain kind of individual with it either caused by circumstance or just preprogrammed into them.

 

[ovaltinee99]

Don't be hard on yourself for being so nervous and anxious. If you haven't interacted with anyone for a while, that's completely normal. After the first lockdown where I am, I felt so weird interacting with friends physically again. It's like I didn't know what to do with my hands, didn't know how to speak properly and my heart beat so fast - and this is with people I've known for a while. If you're interested, medication like propranolol helps with physical symptoms of anxiety (fast heartbeat, jitters). Meditation may also help with the mental aspect.

 

[megafire]

thank you for your insights everyone! @RoseyBird mentioned that there were different styles of social needs and some people described their personal preferences and what works for them. Looking at my own, I would have to say that I'm an antisocial extrovert with a case of social anxiety. I dislike most people for one reason or another, and the ones I do like, I struggle to get my point across because there is so much turmoil going on inside that I get caught up in it. But I seek out socialization because I have a high need for it, so its not a pretty process.

Just a few other points I wanted to respond to:

I think you have to feel okay with being you and being with yourself, if that makes sense.

Try to become self reflective, almost like making an internal split between your awareness and what's going on in your mind. Then its like you're not alone because you are always with you? That's how I survive without much social interaction anyway.

I think I will have to try this, so I won't be so desperate/despaired over my social interactions. By being my own best friend, maybe I can self-soothe in that way.

I'm pretty much independent from social interaction in real life especially when it comes to physical touch. Even if I stayed on this planet for another 20 years I could go without touching anybody else ever again for sure...but it's probably a result of lots of bad things happening to me at one point in life so I don't think it's feasible for a normal/healthy human being.

During the last months I got to feel more included online and share some deeper thoughts with people I met here. And I definitely feel like I learned and grew a lot from it and definitely don't want to miss that anymore.

So for everyone who doesn't feel like he or she has a lot of contact to others I would suggest to start getting to know people online first and maybe get new perspectives that might help one find social contacts in real life.

Other than that everyone can start get more involved with their own interests or hobbies any time and not feel bored or like he or she is missing out.

The way that you found an online community that opened up these new perspectives is really motivating, I'm personally not the greatest at online friendships but it would help with getting better at expressing myself. Hobbies are important to maintain, I'm currently working on that.

Don't be hard on yourself for being so nervous and anxious. If you haven't interacted with anyone for a while, that's completely normal. After the first lockdown where I am, I felt so weird interacting with friends physically again. It's like I didn't know what to do with my hands, didn't know how to speak properly and my heart beat so fast - and this is with people I've known for a while. If you're interested, medication like propranolol helps with physical symptoms of anxiety (fast heartbeat, jitters). Meditation may also help with the mental aspect.

I appreciate the reassurance, because I was beating myself upppp days upon days later lol! I struggle with meditation (I just can't... clear my mind) so I often dismiss it but maybe I need to give it another go. thanks for the tips!

 

[Soulless Angel]

back in early 2005 I was forced into social isolation, got moved into my first home on my own, I had no friends, no family, I would go days, up to 2 weeks without seeing anyone, it for me was hell, I never knew what was morning or night, this is before the internet really came about
I get solitude, I understand solitude, but I, personally also need to know there is someone there to reach out to if needed.
the first couple months were OK, but after 14 months of it, I was struggling, drinking too much, I went to the supermarket once a week, but I lost my social skills and couldn't look at anyone let alone smile and say hello.
Finally in 2007 I met my husband.
Though now its full circle and I never get a break and I am craving that peace once again!

 

[Symbiote]

Before I got married, that one cashier lady who asked me how my day was and then wished me a great day, I would hold on to that feeling that a person talked to me and asked how my day was for months. I also cherished hugs from random strangers too. Now after being married, I'm okay with not getting any of that for years.

 

[Ghost2211]

Before I got married, that one cashier lady who asked me how my day was and then wished me a great day, I would hold on to that feeling that a person talked to me and asked how my day was for months. I also cherished hugs from random strangers too. Now after being married, I'm okay with not getting any of that for years.

That happened to me too. Honestly though, I think contact might feel good again if it wasn't our abusive partners.

 

[Symbiote]

That happened to me too. Honestly though, I think contact might feel good again if it wasn't our abusive partners.

I flinched when people gave me hugs...too many experiences where my mom would offer a hug, then she beat me after I got within range because I fell for it. Dumbshit little me.

 

[Ghost2211]

I flinched when people gave me hugs...too many experiences where my mom would offer a hug, then she beat me after I got within range because I fell for it. Dumbshit little me.

As a mom that makes me sick.... my goodness how cruel people can be. It's not your fault for trusting someone that should be safe.

 

[Sherri]

A work from home, email based and chat only would be a dream for me. If only that existed. I can't even stand crowded malls, I always go early to avoid the crowds. And order most of my stuff online.

 

[sadworld]

Just thinking about meeting humans gives me so much anxiety...

 

[Deleted member 1465]

No.

 

[Mentalmick]

Just thinking about meeting humans gives me so much anxiety...

I know, it's awful. I think it depends on whether you like your own company or not. I hate mine so I need to get out of my room sometimes but then I get overwhelmed and back into my room I go. Life's a super saiyan megabitch.

 

[blacktrain98]

most of my suicidal issues stem from people issues... Man if there was a way to just flip a switch and change my gross, dependent personality into something that could withstand a hermit lifestyle... That's the dream.

My advice if you genuinely want to exercise this idea- get out into nature and try to find fulfillment in other living things that you can interact with. In one of my worst phases of life I spent most of my time at this little duck pond near my place. I was absolutely miserable and a completely gutted shell of a person, but I think watching the birds do their thing helped me make it through and forget about my loneliness for a few minutes.

 

[happiestman]

Being an extrovert and having social anxiety as well?

An introvert can be happy with him/herself.. absolutely no desire to be social. Thats their comfort zone.

 

[megafire]

most of my suicidal issues stem from people issues... Man if there was a way to just flip a switch and change my gross, dependent personality into something that could withstand a hermit lifestyle... That's the dream.

My advice if you genuinely want to exercise this idea- get out into nature and try to find fulfillment in other living things that you can interact with. In one of my worst phases of life I spent most of my time at this little duck pond near my place. I was absolutely miserable and a completely gutted shell of a person, but I think watching the birds do their thing helped me make it through and forget about my loneliness for a few minutes.

man can i relate to that. my stupid brain goes in circles over my people issues. why can't you be cooler, less needy, wittier.... you get the drift. i don't know if there's a way to completely overhaul a personality but sometimes i am sooo desperate to be anyone else, and the fact that i can't completely change just amplifies my SI. i wish i could stand my own company, because as someone said, you have to like yourself in order to be around it.

It's funny you should say that because being around animals, any kind, soothes me like no other. they aren't judgemental, all they need is some kindness extended their way.

An introvert can be happy with him/herself.. absolutely no desire to be social. Thats their comfort zone.

in that case i'm the opposite lol. the trouble is that i just don't know how to engage properly, and i have built socialization onto such a pedestal that it feels like i can never reach it, and i beat myself up for every small infraction because im not "normal".

 

[Amumu]

Yeah no that's impossible. You can try as hard as you want, you won't defeat 2 million years of evolution which led us to need each other to survive.

 

[Makko]

Needing social interaction implies that you get something positive out of it when you do get it. Not needing social interaction means that you don't even have the basic faculties to appreciate it. I'm there and I don't recommend it. It's like I was born without legs, but hey, at least I don't have to worry about shoes, right? How convenient indeed...

 

[Anathema]

In real life I'm pretty reclusive. I've been friendless for well over two years now. And when I did have friends, we'd maybe meet up once or twce every half a year for a night.

I don't think I'm completely immune to requiring social interaction, but as I've grown older, that requirement has started to fade.

I mean the people I used to know could be dead by now and I'd have absolutely no clue. The only people I interact with in real life are purely out of necessity.

 

[signifying nothing]

The other thing I do (not by choice, but you could) is to anthropomorphise the things around you, then you're never really alone.