Is there a way to experience death or something similar to it and survive?

[itsnotokayy!22]

If you wish to understand why I want to kill myself and experience death then I have a million reasons and for some of the major onces you can check my post history. Now the thing is I'm delaying my suicide since April. I bought the SN on that month and all is left is to collect the proper suitable anatacids and antiemetics some of which I still have or can easily order online already have painkillers or benzos whatever will be needed or sufficient. But whn I'm on the this site knowing that the people advising people about that sn plan have most likely died it's terrifying. I want to die. There is no hope for a person like me in this world. I can never be functional or do anything for myself let alone others. But the thought of death is very scary when you experience close to the unconsciousness like I did last time and your SI kicks like self strangulation. I could feel the consciousness leaving my body the figures in front of my eyes floating and knew if I pushed hard enough I maybe unconscious but the SI kicked in hard snd it was a rather impulsive thing last year anyways. Im 39 kgs with alot of defencies and extremely weak immunity, also anemic so ik for sure SN will definitely kill me.

So i want to choose for myself not for anybody else but for me and soley me to experience my unciousness that is close to dying. To wake up from it and survive it. Not like sleeping I dream alot when I'm sleeping I'm aware I'm sleeping, it's also not proper sleep. There must be a different sensestion ir realization for it when you're truly unconscious or dying. What is a plausible way I can experience something close to that and then decide ctb? I need it fast and ASAP before my birthday this time which is in the 23rd please help me. Cause I'm scared if I don't find any way soon, I will impulsively ctb like just consuming sn straight up which I really really don't want to anf will be a disgrace to all my survival efforts all these years. I wish I killed myself before I could truly conceptualize my consciousness, my living and my dying.


Ultimately it's MY LIFE. It wasn't my choice to be born but if it can be my choice to die then I'd prefer to do it carefully and with consideration for myself. I feel like even if I wanted to give life another try that I'm so fucking stubborn and such a fucking loser that I won't get it or realize till I experience some sort of a closer semblance to it.

 

[always_a_crossroads]

I'm sorry life led you to this point. What you're going through sounds rough as hell.

Losing consciousness can feel really different depending on the cause and circumstances. There's no guarantee that your experience of losing consciousness will be similar to what you feel if/when you ctb.
Having said that - have you ever undergone anesthesia? Or fainted?
There's a way to induce syncope (fainting from lack of oxygen to the brain) by hyperventilating, then holding your breath. If this is something you're interested in, I can try to find a video on how to do it.

 

[springerclinger27]

I imagine you could just throw a rope over a horizontal bar or tree and pull yourself up while it is around your neck. People say youll pass out in 10 seconds and youll fall to the ground. I have never tried this however and you should know that hangings can give wildly different results.