Is the survival instinct a problem for you?

[throwaway123]

...
I've always wondered how many people here are actually ready to CTB. I don't mean the method. I mean mentally. Are you capable of doing it?
Was there anything that pushed you over the edge or was it just something that happened?
What are you going to do in order to rid yourself of the SI(survival instinct)?

Do you think it depends on the method?
I've heard people say they can't drink N because "it tastes bad"?
If you had a gun would it really be easier? I've heard people here talk about how hard it is to pull the trigger...


What must happen for an individual to be able to face death?

 

[Endqualia]

I guess I won't know until It happens but I really don't want to live anymore. It was more of a gradual thing where everything came together to make my life miserable and I understood that there is nothing scary in death. It's gonna happen anyway and I don't plan on drinking this cup of suffering to the end. I say end this stupid joke. Wonder still do I have it though.

I plan on using a decisive method like shotgun or long drop and just doing it. Easier said than done but I belive I can do it, others have done it. You "just do it", words to die by. I only need to overcome the fact that it will fuck my family up. Maybee I stop caring or just bite the bullet anyways, but I can't fathom dragging this for years and decades.

 

[pane]

I suspect for the majority of us on here survival instinct is understandably an enormous obstacle to committing suicide. It certainly is for me. As much as I hate my life and as consumed by self-loathing as I am, my fear of dying is still too strong for me to kill myself anytime in the near future. I just can't bring myself to do it...at least for now. So this is my daily reality...I'm stuck between these two extremes of a life I hate and a death I'm afraid of and they're slowly squeezing me like a vise.

I've read before that most people who commit suicide don't actually want to die. Rather life becomes too painful/hopeless for them and they kill themselves to get relief from their suffering. It seems that's the state we all have to reach to end our lives. How and when each of us gets to that point is the big question that has no easy, convenient answer.

I don't think there's any concrete step-by-step way to overcome one's instinct for self-preservation that works with any reliability in the real world for real people with real problems. If there was somebody would have discovered it by now.

 

[deflagrat]

If I was forced to kill myself in a painful way, it would be hard for me to do it, but nowadays we have decent methods available. For example, overdoses or guns would be easy for me as long as I have the right ingredients to do it as painlessly as I can. It took a long time until I was free from my fears, the main reason why I don't fear it anymore it's because of my philosophy of life. By reading SS subreddit, I ended up learning a lot about suffering and worldviews related to suicide, and I learned some tricks too.

One user used to say that everything that makes ctb easier should be considered as good, and you should look for ways to increase your reasons to kill yourself instead of trying to fix them (within reason). The worse the situation is, the more ready you will be to ctb, because it allows you to override the fear of death. It only becomes a bad thing if you decide to keep living. What I am trying to say with this is that everything bad can become a good thing if you let it. For example, your depression can be useful if you want to ctb, so it's not just a way to suffer anymore, it's a way to find courage to ctb. In my particular case, this would mean becoming a NEET and wait until I end up homeless to be forced to kill myself. It's an easy to do, and I am happier as a NEET.

DISCLAIMER: With this I am not saying you should purposefully do something that hurts you or makes you lose something. Don't be stupid please.

Another user used to say that the best way to want to die no matter what is making the reasons to kill yourself logical. For example, this is what I personally use: We were born way to soon, there is no cure for my mental health problems and there will never be one in my lifetime.
We were born way to soon to enjoy technology as it could potentially be enjoyed.
We were born in a world that forces you to work if you want to survive, killing yourself is a way to rebel against those rules.
As human beings we are far from perfect, we shouldn't want to live a life like that.
There is not enough pleasure in this world and there are way too many responsibilities.
There is no real help, they just expect you to want to live and work, society is not going to do anything to help you solve your problems as long as you don't want to do anything.
We will get ill in our lifetime and we will have to suffer whether we like it or not.

There are many more, you just need to find reasons that work for you.

 

[Lush_nova]

Sober yes it's a major player. BUt When I've had one too many drinks though and drink takes over SI. Isn't a factor. I was pulled from a bridge, ended fighting a shit load officers to get away, if it wasn't for them and me choosing bad time of day I would have been gone.
I drink a lot now everyday, to cope,
I'm two different people, the drunk one of me doesn't care and SI doesn't exist, I know this from what my husband has told me when I've sobered up.

 

[TiredHorse]

If you had a gun would it really be easier? I've heard people here talk about how hard it is to pull the trigger...

I have several guns available, but have spent quite a bit of time with a muzzle jammed against the side of my head and utterly incapable of moving my trigger finger the last 3/4". Just because it's a swift, decisive method does not make it exempt from SI interference.

I've read before that most people who commit suicide don't actually want to die. Rather life becomes too painful/hopeless for them and they kill themselves to get relief from their suffering.

I would agree with that in my own case, and strongly emphasize the loss of hope as an important factor. When you know it won't get better --and you believe it won't get better-- why live? That hasn't yet abated my SI, but from my own reflection it seems to be a strong factor in hurrying me toward the bus stop.

 

[Quiet_Sandwich]

No, not anymore. Death doesn't bother me in the slightest.

I think what got me to this point was finally realizing how pointless all of this was. I've been trying to recover since I was 8 ... I'm nearly 30 now. All those years of debt, abuse, bullying, insomnia, depression and anxiety, all those years of struggling to move on and live a normal life despite more and more obstacles popping up at every corner and what the fuck do I have to show for it in the end?
Worthless. All of it. I can no longer even function at the most basic level, my anxiety won't even let me to do my own shopping anymore. I'm just ... done. It's not life, it's barely existing.

I HAVE to find a way out before it gets even worse. I just have to. I'm ready to do it, but I'm having a really difficult time finding a method ...

 

[Roger]

I HAVE to find a way out before it gets even worse. I just have to. I'm ready to do it, but I'm having a really difficult time finding a method ...

What are your criteria ?

 

[GeorgeJL]

I am going to say something controversial. Survival instinct usually depends on method and how much you have reconciled with life, and that is mostly dependent on maturity and intelligence. Now I am painting with a broad brush, so I realize that there are plenty of people that don't fit that model, but most do IMO.

 

[Quiet_Sandwich]

What are your criteria ?

A bit restrictive I'm afraid.
The utmost concern is that I wouldn't want anything particulary violent, I don't want those who'll find me to stumble upon a gore-fest movie set.
It doesn't need to be painless, but bonus points if it isn't something that will take 20 days of agony to eliminate me.
Preferably something that I can purchase online, since my anxiety and lack of a vehicle make moving around quite an issue.
Something that can be concealed or at least doesn't instantly scream "SUICIDE ATTEMPT" when you see it delivered, unfortunately my family doesn't approve of my choice and seeing me hauling a bottle of gas as big as I am would cause some ... problems.
Other than that ... well, I'm not from the US, so firearms are out of a question. Also, getting any strong meds or chemicals is actually very difficult over here. Everything is strictly regulated and controlled. That being said though, it will obviously depend on a substance in question, so I'm open for any suggestions here as well.
Sorry for taking so long to respond, but I was trying to make sure I didn't forget anything important.

 

[Partial-Elf]

A bit restrictive I'm afraid.
The utmost concern is that I wouldn't want anything particulary violent, I don't want those who'll find me to stumble upon a gore-fest movie set.
It doesn't need to be painless, but bonus points if it isn't something that will take 20 days of agony to eliminate me.
Preferably something that I can purchase online, since my anxiety and lack of a vehicle make moving around quite an issue.
Something that can be concealed or at least doesn't instantly scream "SUICIDE ATTEMPT" when you see it delivered, unfortunately my family doesn't approve of my choice and seeing me hauling a bottle of gas as big as I am would cause some ... problems.
Other than that ... well, I'm not from the US, so firearms are out of a question. Also, getting any strong meds or chemicals is actually very difficult over here. Everything is strictly regulated and controlled. That being said though, it will obviously depend on a substance in question, so I'm open for any suggestions here as well.
Sorry for taking so long to respond, but I was trying to make sure I didn't forget anything important.

Partial suspension hanging seems to check all your boxes. Definitely my method of choice

 

[Jolene40]

I suspect for the majority of us on here survival instinct is understandably an enormous obstacle to committing suicide. It certainly is for me. As much as I hate my life and as consumed by self-loathing as I am, my fear of dying is still too strong for me to kill myself anytime in the near future. I just can't bring myself to do it...at least for now. So this is my daily reality...I'm stuck between these two extremes of a life I hate and a death I'm afraid of and they're slowly squeezing me like a vise.

I've read before that most people who commit suicide don't actually want to die. Rather life becomes too painful/hopeless for them and they kill themselves to get relief from their suffering. It seems that's the state we all have to reach to end our lives. How and when each of us gets to that point is the big question that has no easy, convenient answer.

I don't think there's any concrete step-by-step way to overcome one's instinct for self-preservation that works with any reliability in the real world for real people with real problems. If there was somebody would have discovered it by now.

Yes this is me. I absolutely do not want to die. I can live with a reduced quality of life which I've had for quite a number of years with multiple health problems. What I cannot live with are the most horrific cognitive symptoms since the nerve pain/ damage moved it's way up to my head which I now have permanently. I daren't explain the extent of my neuropathy anymore, the vertigo, the dizziness, burning agony and complete numbness, forgetfulness, agitation, sedation etc etc because all any doctors want to do is blame your state of bloody mind.
My body rejects natural food now too so I'm still fed intravenously for over 3 months. That i can actually cope with tbh. There would be a way for me to die and that would be to just refuse nutrition intravenously. I don't want to die in such a horrible way, I have truly suffered more than a dying dog over the years, the last year being a joke. I wish for a magic pill so I don't have to even think about it and feel the agonising mental pain of leaving my beautiful child. I'm so angry that this has been my f****g lot in life.