Is revenge... sweet?

[itsmeagain]

I had a significant other lie to me for a year, telling me that they loved me. I think the fact that it fucked up my whole system of trust is partially why I'm like this. The lying, the blatant lying every single day when I finally thought I could trust someone is something that I partially get hung up on, and I think contributed to this struggle.

For those of you who have let the people in your life know that they fucked you over, even if on a small level,was it worth it?

I worded it nicely because I cared about my SO. I told them that they have it easier getting over me because they were the one lying, to which i received an "I know, I'm sorry."

it just makes me even more mad. And because I'm going down, I don't know if I want to make this someone feel a fraction of what I feel.

But thenthere's wounding someone to the point where they finally learn a lesson to not mess up.

I was told that that was their biggest takeaway from the relationship, but what if it's another lie?

Is revenge sweet???? Feel free to drop your own stories below.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

No, it's not. I feel the need to get back at people, but revenge is never sweet. Its cold and empty. Its like anything on the dark path, a quick narcissistic burst of pleasure followed by worthless self-recrimination, spent at your leisure. Unless telling people they have wrong you is in order to help them see and understand so they can face their guilt instead of running from it. Its all about intent.

 

[justfloating]

I had a significant other lie to me for a year, telling me that they loved me. I think the fact that it fucked up my whole system of trust is partially why I'm like this. The lying, the blatant lying every single day when I finally thought I could trust someone is something that I partially get hung up on, and I think contributed to this struggle.

For those of you who have let the people in your life know that they fucked you over, even if on a small level,was it worth it?

I worded it nicely because I cared about my SO. I told them that they have it easier getting over me because they were the one lying, to which i received an "I know, I'm sorry."

it just makes me even more mad. And because I'm going down, I don't know if I want to make this someone feel a fraction of what I feel.

But thenthere's wounding someone to the point where they finally learn a lesson to not mess up.

I was told that that was their biggest takeaway from the relationship, but what if it's another lie?

Is revenge sweet???? Feel free to drop your own stories below.

I had the same situation however it only lasted a few weeks rather than a whole year. I will never understand how he could treat me like that, and he will never understand how much it fucked me up.

when he left I began feeling suicidal and at that point in the letters I wrote I told him how he influenced my decision, but also that I want the best for him and for him to be happy.

however at current he has continued to treat me like shit and so I have written more about how his actions have caused me to make my decision.

I think it depends how much their actions have influenced your decision to CTB, and whether you feel hurt or anger towards them, if anger then I would make them feel the way you feel.

 

[itsmeagain]

I had the same situation however it only lasted a few weeks rather than a whole year. I will never understand how he could treat me like that, and he will never understand how much it fucked me up.

when he left I began feeling suicidal and at that point in the letters I wrote I told him how he influenced my decision, but also that I want the best for him and for him to be happy.

however at current he has continued to treat me like shit and so I have written more about how his actions have caused me to make my decision.

I think it depends how much their actions have influenced your decision to CTB, and whether you feel hurt or anger towards them, if anger then I would make them feel the way you feel.

It's strange, because I was told/always thought to never make someone feel the same pain you feel. I've never done it though, so I don't have a frame of reference.

No, it's not. I feel the need to get back at people, but revenge is never sweet. Its cold and empty. Its like anything on the dark path, a quick narcissistic burst of pleasure followed by worthless self-recrimination, spent at your leisure. Unless telling people they have wrong you is in order to help them see and understand so they can face their guilt instead of running from it. Its all about intent.

Thank you. I think you echoed how I feel very nicely. Not that it's not helpful, but it kind of helped me look into my own head. Al of these responses are doing that.

 

[justfloating]

It's strange, because I was told/always thought to never make someone feel the same pain you feel. I've never done it though, so I don't have a frame of reference.

Thank you. I think you echoed how I feel very nicely. Not that it's not helpful, but it kind of helped me look into my own head. Al of these responses are doing that.

You will never truly make him feel the pain you feel. What I mean is explain to them their role in your path that has lead you to this. I don't know your life so I have no idea how much of a part of it they currently are, or what terms you guys ended on.
All I know is that in my situation he has acted incredibly maliciously towards me, I was on the phone to him saying I was feeling suicidal and he said 'if you want to kill yourself I won't stop you' and he hung up. For this I want to teach him a lesson in what he did wrong, and I never want him to forget how much peoples actions will impact people, especially when they are already in a dark place.

 

[itsmeagain]

You will never truly make him feel the pain you feel. What I mean is explain to them their role in your path that has lead you to this. I don't know your life so I have no idea how much of a part of it they currently are, or what terms you guys ended on.
All I know is that in my situation he has acted incredibly maliciously towards me, I was on the phone to him saying I was feeling suicidal and he said 'if you want to kill yourself I won't stop you' and he hung up. For this I want to teach him a lesson in what he did wrong, and I never want him to forget how much peoples actions will impact people, especially when they are already in a dark place.

In that sort of situation, I think he should definitely know how it is, but I don't feel like he would care if he's going to act that maliciously. I sure hope he does learn but if the mere *mention* of CTB doesn't really scare him, I'm not sure what will. Perhaps it's disbelief, I know sometimes people are taught not to take those things very personally because so many people hardly ever get to this point after something like a breakup.

He, is, shit. I am, so, SO sorry that that happened to you. I don't think that you should CTB to spite him, because I like to think your life is more than someone who hurt you. For me, the breakup was a piece of it, and I'm not doingit to spite anybody.

But, I'd like to hearhow you feel, I don't know the whole story and i'm not trying to tell you what to do or be presumptous.

 

[Thereisnothing]

I used to think so, been hurt so many times by people and wanted revenge...........trouble is usually backfires and then there is more problems to deal with...........I second what @Underscore said, wise words....................also Ghandi said 'An eye for an eye, just ends up making the whole world blind'


I did take some revenge and only got me arrested and in court etc............I truly understand the want to do it, but end the day doesn't really alter anything.

 

[justfloating]

In that sort of situation, I think he should definitely know how it is, but I don't feel like he would care if he's going to act that maliciously. I sure hope he does learn but if the mere *mention* of CTB doesn't really scare him, I'm not sure what will. Perhaps it's disbelief, I know sometimes people are taught not to take those things very personally because so many people hardly ever get to this point after something like a breakup.

He, is, shit. I am, so, SO sorry that that happened to you. I don't think that you should CTB to spite him, because I like to think your life is more than someone who hurt you. For me, the breakup was a piece of it, and I'm not doingit to spite anybody.

But, I'd like to hearhow you feel, I don't know the whole story and i'm not trying to tell you what to do or be presumptous.

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/my-decision-to-ctb.32711/

I've never linked anything but I hope that works, it explains my situation

im not going to CTB to spite him. after the break up a lot has happened to me and I have lost a lot because of it. I have tried councelling and going to the doctors but nothing changes anything. I don't feel I can push though the pain any longer so I am waiting for closure with him, and to find my method. I want to die and I want to do it in his arms but im not going to get that

 

[itsmeagain]

https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/my-decision-to-ctb.32711/

I've never linked anything but I hope that works, it explains my situation

im not going to CTB to spite him. after the break up a lot has happened to me and I have lost a lot because of it. I have tried councelling and going to the doctors but nothing changes anything. I don't feel I can push though the pain any longer so I am waiting for closure with him, and to find my method. I want to die and I want to do it in his arms but im not going to get that

Fuck. Him.

That is the most awful, selfish thing that that could ever happen. You are not the one being selfish. For him to backaway from you in your time of need and fuck with your emotions so bad and instead of finding a solution, outbursting on you is so awfully horrible. You don't deserve that kind of maltreatment. You seem to just have something so similar to what i hav.e I don't lie either. Even though I have omitting lots of details and working my way around and nobody knows better than to ask anymore. I'm so sorry you had to deal with that garbage, it's so horrible. Those therapists and people... A good therapist and psychologist wouldn't make you feel like you don't understand something, they would try to help you see a new perspective andtake how you feel and work with it, work into what you feel with. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It's absolutelyhorrible. I'm really really sorry, I try not to say im sorry for peopel because I know it seems empty but I really hope that you feel so horrible and so used and so harmed.I know you really want tobe in his arms again... I'm just so sorry that something that awful and that cruel to you. It's utterly horrible.

If you want to PM me, please do. You shouldn't feel alone with this. I don't know if you feelthe same way, but SS is likea small home for me, and I really hope that you can not feel so alone here.

 

[Moonomyth]

It has been consistently awesome, especially if carefully planned and executed to perfection. Some of the high points in my life have been harming people who have seriously wronged me.

Edit: In one instance revenge was handed to me; when I was driving a taxi for a summer, a student passenger assaulted me in front of his parents because I disagreed with him about whether their hotel was to the left or the right, shattering my glasses and punching me in the face before storming off. However, he did so after he had given me his student ID as part of a ride-sharing program the local college maintained with the taxi company. It was trivial to call the police and press charges.

I suppose I could have stopped there, but what the student didn't realize is that outside of that summer job I was a graduate teacher at the college he was attending, and I still had his ID. It was equally trivial to contact the university regarding his conduct and have him kicked out. My only regret is being unable to see the horror in his eyes as he realized his dumb action came back to haunt him twice over.

 

[oopswronglife]

It won't heal any pain or solve any problems. Doesn't mean it's not deserved or won't give a temporary feeling of justice etc, but it's never simple because innocents are always in the way and it's nearly impossible to avoid collateral damage. Say you ruin someone's life in retaliation for ruining yours...you've also possibly ruined the lives of their family and those who depend on them. It's not fair they have that insulation, it's not right, but it's what is. Nothing happens in a vacuum. It also rarely ends there because bad people don't just learn the lesson or accept the cost. They retaliate for the retaliation. The authorities or systems that wouldn't help you will surely help them as well because isn't that always how it goes? Ultimately it's nearly always a net loss to get vengeance for anything, but I know some people get to the point they just don't care. I refuse to ever hurt an innocent because I have been the harmed innocent too often...so I have to eat it and let the bad people get away with it.

 

[blood orange]

I will go against the grain here and say I have always erred and went for revenge.

Revenge is such a pure emotion, it comes from feeling wronged and that something was taken from you. And it gives you motivation like no other.

I have never sought to do the same thing onto another person, but rather give them a series of inconveniences or nuisances. There is no way I could make someone feel the way I do, just like how you can't make someone feel remorse or guilt. I just settle for being annoying? If that makes any sense.

It is a lot of labor and will take a lot out of you. I don't think most people can accept that it will consume you. It's like a fire, the more you feed the flames, it grows—the hunger for kindle doesn't ever die, even if you have nothing else. I mean if you can commit to revenge and own it, that's fine. But if you find yourself blaming other people, the fact is you chose revenge—no one else put you up to it.

 

[MachinaArcana]

Revenge is born out of hatred, possibly the most negative and destructive force there is. Can't remember who the quote is from, but:

"Hatred consumes the vessel that contains it"

...pretty much sums it up for me.

Every person and situation is different, of course, but over the years I have learned to just... let it go.

At the end of the day, you have to be able to look yourself in the mirror... Funny thing is, some people can do just that, knowing how much pain they have deliberately inflicted on others. They don't give a shit. Or enjoy it, even. I can't get my head around that. But I wouldn't want to be like them.