Venting Is Partial Suspension simply not for everyone?

[Deleted member 4288]

I've been trying the partial for a month already. Several hours, every damn day. I've tried everything the threads said: I used bedsheets, ropes, belts; I put water, soap, water with soap on the material; pushed my head on belt gently and I pushed so hard that I almost vomited - nothing... Nothing, still.

It feels like my arteries are very well hidden in my neck. No matter how much pressure on which side of neck I put, my body fixes it by raising the heartbeat. Everytime I start seeing weird things and feeling drowse -- instantly my heartbeat raises, and it's all gone, back to zero. I push and push more to the point where I can't even breathe anymore, nothing. After such attempt, I can't even find my arteries with my fingers anymore. It feels like my body is hiding them from me.

It feels so fucking humiliating, everytime. It's like I'm living with an abuser who prevents me from escaping the second I try to.

I'm so desperate to die, I just want to take a shit ton of paracetamol and roll on the floor in pain if the end would justify the mean.

I saw some people here failing with partial and giving up. I guess I'm one of those. Joining the club. I don't get how people are accidently killing themselves with autoerotic asphyxation. I don't understand how partial suspension is one of the most common ways to suicide. I just don't.

I'm going for a walk. It's cold, gonna put nothing but t-shirt and shorts on. It's -10 C* ... Fuck it, maybe I'll finally get sick and die. Idk what to do anymore. I'm angry and sad.

 

[siray]

So sorry to hear that. I was gonna practice partial today but fuck it, I'm afraid I'll share a similar result because of my overly alert consciousness.
Also, please don't torture yourself in the cold, your CTB methods aren't limited (hopefully).
I would sleep on it and think about other methods with a clear mind. Good luck.

 

[meowcat]

How about a full hang?
Often the people who succeed in a full suspension seem to be those who don't give it much thought and just do it as if there is no chance of failure.

 

[Deleted member 4288]

So sorry to hear that. I was gonna practice partial today but fuck it, I'm afraid I'll share a similar result because of my overly alert consciousness.
Also, please don't torture yourself in the cold, your CTB methods aren't limited (hopefully).
I would sleep on it and think about other methods with a clear mind. Good luck.

Thank you for the kind words.

I wish I wasn't limited in the ways to CTB. But I am, very. I can't buy anything without supervision because my parents know about my suicidal thoughts and they hold all the money. Asking money for anything (especially chemicals, i.e. SN method) would raise suspicion. I can't get anything by mail, and my town doesn't sell anything that I could use for CTB :(

If you wanted to try partial, I advise you to not give up yet. Try it for some time, maybe it will work. If not, I'm sorry :( but at least you'll know you tried.....

 

[Deleted member 4288]

How about a full hang?
Often the people who succeed in a full suspension seem to be those who don't give it much thought and just do it as if there is no chance of failure.

I don't have anything in my home to perform full suspension with. I barely managed to attach the belt to the doorknob for partial. I don't even have forests with trees close to me where I could do it...

Plus I don't think a belt will hold all my weight... And I can't buy a rope :(

 

[LastDay]

I feel you, I made a thread being frustrated about partial on Sunday. Also mentioning AA and getting mad on how they manage to CTB on accident. I feel it should have worked especially since I'm 350lbs. I'm limited on options as well since I don't have income or a car.

 

[meowcat]

I don't have anything in my home to perform full suspension with. I barely managed to attach the belt to the doorknob for partial. I don't even have forests with trees close to me where I could do it...

Plus I don't think a belt will hold all my weight... And I can't buy a rope :(

Why can't you buy a rope?
Also, I can relate to you about not having any forests.
You'll need to start thinking about travelling to where there are woods.
I'm sorry you are going through this.I understand it is very difficult.
I would advise that chill off for now and think about it later on a day when you are feeling stronger and calmer.You will get better ideas then.
Until then,try to do something that might make you feel better for now.
I'm sorry.Only trying to help.

 

[boredtodeath]

I heard some peoples anatomy competely prevents them from partial hanging. I dont think thats true though, if you can somehow apply more pressure then itll work. If not then a full hanging works for everyone

 

[meowcat]

I heard some peoples anatomy competely prevents them from partial hanging. I dont think thats true though, if you can somehow apply more pressure then itll work. If not then a full hanging works for everyone

Yes.A full hanging seems to work for everyone.i've never heard of anyone surviving it.
So at least there's that last hope.

 

[therhydler]

Try applying your entire weight all at once. Meaning that your feet will be off the ground. It will probably hurt a lot. But it's the thing that did it for me. If you can get through the pain then you will swiftly start losing consciousness. Also try with the knot just below your left ear. It was much less painful for me than having it at the back. Belt also worked best for me - the buckle instead of a slipknot is a godsend. I could never manage with a rope.

I'm sorry you are having such a frustrating experience :( You have maybe tried all these things already in which case you will have to look for another method

 

[meowcat]

Try applying your entire weight all at once. Meaning that your feet will be off the ground. It will probably hurt a lot. But it's the thing that did it for me. If you can get through the pain then you will swiftly start losing consciousness. Also try with the knot just below your left ear. It was much less painful for me than having it at the back. Belt also worked best for me - the buckle instead of a slipknot is a godsend. I could never manage with a rope.

I'm sorry you are having such a frustrating experience :( You have maybe tried all these things already in which case you will have to look for another method

Thanks Hydler.You are being tremendously helpful to many of us here.

 

[crova]

I've been trying the partial for a month already. Several hours, every damn day. I've tried everything the threads said: I used bedsheets, ropes, belts; I put water, soap, water with soap on the material; pushed my head on belt gently and I pushed so hard that I almost vomited - nothing... Nothing, still.

It feels like my arteries are very well hidden in my neck. No matter how much pressure on which side of neck I put, my body fixes it by raising the heartbeat. Everytime I start seeing weird things and feeling drowse -- instantly my heartbeat raises, and it's all gone, back to zero. I push and push more to the point where I can't even breathe anymore, nothing. After such attempt, I can't even find my arteries with my fingers anymore. It feels like my body is hiding them from me.

It feels so fucking humiliating, everytime. It's like I'm living with an abuser who prevents me from escaping the second I try to.

I'm so desperate to die, I just want to take a shit ton of paracetamol and roll on the floor in pain if the end would justify the mean.

I saw some people here failing with partial and giving up. I guess I'm one of those. Joining the club. I don't get how people are accidently killing themselves with autoerotic asphyxation. I don't understand how partial suspension is one of the most common ways to suicide. I just don't.

I'm going for a walk. It's cold, gonna put nothing but t-shirt and shorts on. It's -10 C* ... Fuck it, maybe I'll finally get sick and die. Idk what to do anymore. I'm angry and sad.

There was a video of Syrian or Egyptian girl doing partial. Have you seen it?
It's quite a shocking experience to watch someone killing herself. What strucked me most though there was no hesitation in her actions, not for a second. She just did it.
I think that night I learned something profound about human nature...

 

[therhydler]

There was a video of Syrian or Egyptian girl doing partial. Have you seen it?
It's quite a shocking experience to watch someone killing herself. What strucked me most though there was no hesitation in her actions, not for a second. She just did it.
I think that night I learned something profound about human nature...

Those videos make it look so easy but for many it's not

 

[Ldog9]

Biggest difficulty for me is getting everything all set and actually stepping down. Last few times stood for long time trying to psych myself up enough. The more time that goes your mind makes it more difficult, better to be quick about it. Also sucks if u have a time issue, I don't want to rush it or make mistake.