Is love possible?

[FoxSauce]

This held feel within myself I even don't understand this, is not like venting but mostly a deep thing I want to let out.

I thought for many nights of the same question: Is love even possible? Do really know what love is?

I've been asked why I don't have a significant other I've flat out said that rn is not a right time or I'm not interested but deep down I want to be hold tightly just be cared for. I have no idea if this is selfish but deep down I want to experience something like that.

I thought about this to the point of sobbing.

Ofc I know love isn't like in movies or books but I'm like : "damn wouldn't that be nice".

I don't think of myself that deserves that kind of beautiful thing or I'm scared to experience intimacy (no not the sexual kind) I mean a genuine relationship that both sides go through thick and thin for each other.

But the other half doesn't want any of that . I'm scared of intimacy and being vulnerable with anyone let alone with a partner. I can get deeply infatuated by someone to the point I see them as a god , has happen a bunch of times and that just drive people away or lose interest quickly if they do something wrong. Plus I know I'm not stable enough for that.


I don't consider myself to be pretty (and no not looking for validation) It hurts in a way I can't explain it, I'm scared I'll die alone. I know not everyone is perfect and people has flaws. I even feel stupid for feeling this way. I dont wanna feel this emptiness. Maybe that can be filled by that?

 

[Hikari.]

simple answer yes
I have a question have you fallen in love?

 

[FoxSauce]

simple answer yes
I have a question have you fallen in love?

To be completly i have no clue

 

[BlueButterfly111]

Yes it's possible, I'm the most mentally ill person out there, lol. But I did manage to find real, true love. He passed away though, 7 months ago. That's the main reason why I want to ctb. But yes it is possible. I would say try a dating app or try meeting new people. Whatever feels right will work best for you!

 

[Hikari.]

To be completly i have no clue

Well if you have liked somebody at least a little bit then you know love is real, youve experienced it

 

[Namelesa]

When talking about love I assume we are talking about romantic love? Some people can feel it and some don't or to different degrees. Those do are more alloromantic and those that don't are more aromantic but there is a spectrum and people can feel it at different intensities or only under certain conditions.

Here you say deep down you want parts of a romantic relationship so you are probably more alloromantic but scared of it as well which is understandable as relationship and being with people can bring stress, anxiety about being able to be vulnerable with the person or not doing anything wrong so they don't leave you.

Its possible for anyone but for some it can be very VERY hard or extremely rare to stay or get into a relationship. Lots of things play about in it whether a relationship can start or stay together which can be looks, personality, money, activities and anything else about all people in the relationship(s). Different people have different wants and expectations out of their partner(s) so it can just be something to do with them and not you if it doesn't work out.

 

[charcoalcat]

I don't think of myself that deserves that kind of beautiful thing or I'm scared to experience intimacy (no not the sexual kind) I mean a genuine relationship that both sides go through thick and thin for each other.

I used to have the same "issue" as you. I was great at friendship, but bad at intimacy. Intimacy in the form of allowing myself to be fully vulnerable to the other half. Until I realized it had nothing to do with others but myself. Subconsciously I was afraid of being hurt, that's why I built an inner wall to keep others out.

I believe there's a risk for everything, including relationships. If I don't embrace the possibility of getting hurt, I'll never grow as a person or as a partner. When you meet someone who's willing to lay bare with as much as you do, that's when you may start to experience that thing call love.

 

[sadalways]

It is possible, i think there's someone for everyone if you do search for it... unless you're me with all the odds stacked against you to the point you can't communicate with anyone at all IRL makes me really sad knowing i'll never experience what it's like, i don't even want anything sexual at this point in the slightest, just to be held and told sweet things.

 

[FoxSauce]

This held feel within myself I even don't understand this, is not like venting but mostly a deep thing I want to let out.

I thought for many nights of the same question: Is love even possible? Do really know what love is?

I've been asked why I don't have a significant other I've flat out said that rn is not a right time or I'm not interested but deep down I want to be hold tightly just be cared for. I have no idea if this is selfish but deep down I want to experience something like that.

I thought about this to the point of sobbing.

Ofc I know love isn't like in movies or books but I'm like : "damn wouldn't that be nice".

I don't think of myself that deserves that kind of beautiful thing or I'm scared to experience intimacy (no not the sexual kind) I mean a genuine relationship that both sides go through thick and thin for each other.

But the other half doesn't want any of that . I'm scared of intimacy and being vulnerable with anyone let alone with a partner. I can get deeply infatuated by someone to the point I see them as a god , has happen a bunch of times and that just drive people away or lose interest quickly if they do something wrong. Plus I know I'm not stable enough for that.


I don't consider myself to be pretty (and no not looking for validation) It hurts in a way I can't explain it, I'm scared I'll die alone. I know not everyone is perfect and people has flaws. I even feel stupid for feeling this way. I dont wanna feel this emptiness. Maybe that can be filled by that?

Forgot yeah it can be sexual if it goes there but is not have to be necessary (should've added that)

 

[LivingDeadTGirl]

There is no question about the possibility of love, it's real, it exists, and is the best thing in the world.

The rare part is the one you love returning it. Most of the time they don't want you. It cuts deep, it hurts, it's hard to move on.

You can find love again... but finding the will and energy to do so gets harder each and every time. It's easy to give up looking.

 

[r.vival]

i had love. it wasn't perfect like the movies. it had a lot of flaws, ugliness but that made it beautiful to me. we fought but i still felt love. the more i knew about this person the more warmth and comfort i felt. it's so shakey and unpredictable though. what started as the happiest i have ever been, is now the reason i'm at my lowest now. it's funny because when i was younger i never understood how breakups caused people to do things like this. i called them weak, and here i am now.

 

[LivingDeadTGirl]

 

[Electra]

I think love is a spectrum of many different emotions combined together.

 

[NonEssential]

My self-worth is too low and my self-hatred is too high which makes even having a crush on anyone impossible lol

 

[SnowLeopard21]

I thought for many nights of the same question: Is love even possible?

Nah. Used to believe in it but it's just a lie we tell ourselves.

 

[Languish]

It is possible. Difficult, especially for those of us who aren't normal, but anyone can find love. There are a billion people on this planet. It's illogical to think one of them couldn't be a perfect match to you. However.. it is logical to recognize that the chances of encountering those who suit you, and then actually talking to them and building a connection.. is pretty low. Still possible. Everyone has more than a few people out in the world who'd suit them. It is just not easy to encounter these people, let alone know who they are at face value and strike up a conversation with them.

 

[Pluto]

 

[SchrodingerIsDed]

Thick and thin. My ex and I used to say that to each other. I broke up with her to sleep with a chick who lived closer. My exact reasoning was, "If I switch, I'll get more sex." But she also emotionally manipulated me into it, too and pulled on my sympathy to lure me away from the prettier girl, probably just a power play on her part, realizing that a beautiful girl chose me, so she wanted me then. The whole "wedding ring" paradox with women: when a man gets married and has the ring, he gets hit on by women 100x more: validation of quality.

Then the new chick, she went to the military and fucked a bunch of military men. I don't blame her for that. They were tough and all. I was not at that point. Her best friend also told me she had not been a virgin, though she had told me she was. And that she partied a lot when I wasn't around.

But. Sure. There's plenty of proof that love exists. Now. How you define it, that is the key. You can feel such powerful love that you would die for a person. It happens often. Historically speaking that has been the male role, and they were happy to die for their women often. Likewise, women took the risk for both by bearing children which often resulted in death. And, on top of that, the woman dies for the child. So the man dies for the woman and the child; the woman dies for the child.

But what exactly is this powerful feeling that pushes us to die for others? I don't know exactly. Perhaps it means more, but to me, I have always viewed it as a meager expression of the need to perpetuate the species. Yes, it's real, but anything that is more beneficial the the survival of the species (me, getting sex more often, increasing the chances of reproduction), or my ex (getting more sex in the military by a bunch of different tough military men who would produce good offspring), most behavior is driven that way, naturally.

The cultures, they influence the ways in which we express that, and often that can be encouraging defending women to the death. There's of course oxytocin and vassopressin bonding chemicals that get released in the brain. Women have massive amounts of them for bonding with their children. You can feel it. The first stage, the honeymoon stage, is the stage of what feels like "love". But it is simply being high. It is the body and brain encouraging reproduction. After 2 years, the relationships tend to become much more difficult. Many old married couples talk about wanting to murder each other. People take it as a joke, but I think it's legit. You get bored of each other, everything becomes known, and you lose the drug-like high, but you gain irritation at their idiosyncrasies. That is the common development.

So I always endeavored to only stay through the honeymoon period. The one time I tried to extend beyond that, all Hell broke loose, and it was a bad decision.

At the same time. Women can die of a broken heart syndrome when their lover dies. Men can too, but less often. The bond is real. And powerful. I knew one girl, gorgeous, who wanted to ctb after her boyfriend died. It was tragic but beautiful at the same time. I've had my issues with women, often believing that they purely use men for profit or as useful tools to obtain status, power, money, or just humor, whatever it is. But I forget about that poor girl when I think those thoughts. She loved him so much that she wanted to die since she couldn't be with him anymore. And women of course often think all men care about is sex. Maybe we're both right and wrong.

The bonds are real. The love is real. I just don't know if that's a mutation of a natural drive to perpetuate the species and survive.....or something deeper. Most of my loves, they have been deep and pure, and I have wanted to die, myself, after losing them. Except the last one. She was an asshole.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Yes, I believe so. Maybe we all experience it slightly differently though. Maybe that's the distressing part- that we worry we won't find someone who reciprocates it in the same way or, to the same extent.

I think lots of things come into play really. Do we all start out with an open capacity to love? Or, is that dictated by genes also? I definitely think we build up certain quirks and coping mechanisms as we go along and either good or bad things happen to us. So, we can become quite closed off or, complicated to love and trust.

I've also felt very intensely for people in the past. I believe it was all limerence for me but, I was so sure it was love I felt at the time. I suppose it is. It can't be so far off from the longing you feel at the start of a crush. I found the difference with limerence was that it was pretty unhinged! It was only loosley based on the person themselves. The rest of it was a kind of fairy tale fiction.

Maybe we can be in love with the idea of being in love. Maybe the reality is different. But then, maybe not. I've certainly known plutonic love. Where it was so joyful just to be around another person. Where you feel genuine gratitude to have them in your life. I'd always imagined that's what romantic love could be like- only, better! I just simply see it as a deep sense of connection you hopefully feel for each other.

 

[FoxSauce]

i had love. it wasn't perfect like the movies. it had a lot of flaws, ugliness but that made it beautiful to me. we fought but i still felt love. the more i knew about this person the more warmth and comfort i felt. it's so shakey and unpredictable though. what started as the happiest i have ever been, is now the reason i'm at my lowest now. it's funny because when i was younger i never understood how breakups caused people to do things like this. i called them weak, and here i am no

Thick and thin. My ex and I used to say that to each other. I broke up with her to sleep with a chick who lived closer. My exact reasoning was, "If I switch, I'll get more sex." But she also emotionally manipulated me into it, too and pulled on my sympathy to lure me away from the prettier girl, probably just a power play on her part, realizing that a beautiful girl chose me, so she wanted me then. The whole "wedding ring" paradox with women: when a man gets married and has the ring, he gets hit on by women 100x more: validation of quality.

Then the new chick, she went to the military and fucked a bunch of military men. I don't blame her for that. They were tough and all. I was not at that point. Her best friend also told me she had not been a virgin, though she had told me she was. And that she partied a lot when I wasn't around.

But. Sure. There's plenty of proof that love exists. Now. How you define it, that is the key. You can feel such powerful love that you would die for a person. It happens often. Historically speaking that has been the male role, and they were happy to die for their women often. Likewise, women took the risk for both by bearing children which often resulted in death. And, on top of that, the woman dies for the child. So the man dies for the woman and the child; the woman dies for the child.

But what exactly is this powerful feeling that pushes us to die for others? I don't know exactly. Perhaps it means more, but to me, I have always viewed it as a meager expression of the need to perpetuate the species. Yes, it's real, but anything that is more beneficial the the survival of the species (me, getting sex more often, increasing the chances of reproduction), or my ex (getting more sex in the military by a bunch of different tough military men who would produce good offspring), most behavior is driven that way, naturally.

The cultures, they influence the ways in which we express that, and often that can be encouraging defending women to the death. There's of course oxytocin and vassopressin bonding chemicals that get released in the brain. Women have massive amounts of them for bonding with their children. You can feel it. The first stage, the honeymoon stage, is the stage of what feels like "love". But it is simply being high. It is the body and brain encouraging reproduction. After 2 years, the relationships tend to become much more difficult. Many old married couples talk about wanting to murder each other. People take it as a joke, but I think it's legit. You get bored of each other, everything becomes known, and you lose the drug-like high, but you gain irritation at their idiosyncrasies. That is the common development.

So I always endeavored to only stay through the honeymoon period. The one time I tried to extend beyond that, all Hell broke loose, and it was a bad decision.

At the same time. Women can die of a broken heart syndrome when their lover dies. Men can too, but less often. The bond is real. And powerful. I knew one girl, gorgeous, who wanted to ctb after her boyfriend died. It was tragic but beautiful at the same time. I've had my issues with women, often believing that they purely use men for profit or as useful tools to obtain status, power, money, or just humor, whatever it is. But I forget about that poor girl when I think those thoughts. She loved him so much that she wanted to die since she couldn't be with him anymore. And women of course often think all men care about is sex. Maybe we're both right and wrong.

The bonds are real. The love is real. I just don't know if that's a mutation of a natural drive to perpetuate the species and survive.....or something deeper. Most of my loves, they have been deep and pure, and I have wanted to die, myself, after losing them. Except the last one. She was an asshole.

Danm that was super brutal
I've read of yalls experiences (sorry I didn't reply sooner)

You all seem to have valid points,

Of course I try to believe that: "I havent the right person yet ."

I know i have issues to to work on , beacuse if I don't work on them, How am I'm gonna be better?

For me love is the most complicated thing,

Theres someone said this and I quote:

"Maybe we can be in love with the idea of being in love. Maybe the reality is different. But then, maybe not. I've certainly known plutonic love. Where it was so joyful just to be around another person. Where you feel genuine gratitude to have them in your life. I'd always imagined that's what romantic love could be like- only, better! I just simply see it as a deep sense of connection you hopefully feel for each other."

Wich my guy holds a lot of truth and it resonated with me cuz It has happened!


I also believe in this one too:

"The first stage, the honeymoon stage, is the stage of what feels like "love". But it is simply being high. "

Yeah I see what you mean I've felt this intensely which yeah you have a point


Also this holds a lot of true fro me

"Everyone has more than a few people out in the world who'd suit them. It is just not easy to encounter these people, let alone know who they are at face value and strike up a conversation with them."

Like your so right!

Also this one:

"The rare part is the one you love returning it. Most of the time they don't want you. It cuts deep, it hurts, it's hard to move on.

You can find love again... but finding the will and energy to do so gets harder each and every time. It's easy to give up looking."

It hurts, rejection hurts , I have a intense fear if I tell people my darkest secrets they could use it agaisnt me.I'm certain that's why I avoid intimacy.

I really read all of your inputs sorry I could reply to all.

I guess in conclusion, thank you for your wonderful advice!

Hope this ramble made sense

 

[SchrodingerIsDed]

I know i have issues to to work on , beacuse if I don't work on them, How am I'm gonna be better?

You're ahead of most people already with that statement.

Not a ramble at all. It made perfect sense. :)