Discussion Is life worth living alone?

[FMyLife]

I get that this is highly personal, but for me it makes life seem meaningless. I've struggled with extreme loneliness all my life and you'd think I'd get over it but I never have. I've spent so much of my life trying to get along with people, but it was all for nothing. I've reached the point where I have to accept I'll most likely be lonely for the rest of my life.

And now what? Interests, hobbies, goals? What's the point? People will tell you there's more to life than relationships but how many of them are actually truly alone? It's easy to say things like that when true isolation is just something hypothetical to you. The same kinds of people will tell you that in order to have relationships you first have to be okay with being alone, but how many of them ever truly have been? I've been alone all this time and it never made things any easier, it has clearly done the opposite actually.

To someone who's experience of life has been full of relationships and love being alone would seem like a temporary phase, they know people have loved them before so it can happen again. To someone who has experienced a life of constant loneliness, being alone isn't really a phase and it makes you wonder if you're just inherently unlovable no matter what you do. To me, the reassurance that you're lovable seems like a fundamental step in order to become self-actualized as a person and missing out on it makes you stunted. We're social animals wired to crave relationships, how could you possibly develop properly without them?

Even people who have that reassurance still get most of their motivation from relationships. Accomplishments, a career, being rich. Most people wouldn't care about these things if they couldn't impress others with them. Most people wouldn't have the motivation to really do anything past surviving if relationships were out of the table. Most people would rather have dysfunctional relationships with others than be alone.

What gives meaning to life for the vast majority of humanity is sharing it with others and I can't do that. So life seems meaningless.

 

[Dejected 55]

Some people claim to like living and being alone. That might be true for some. I do know others who say this are just masking.

But if you don't want to be alone, then there really is no way around it. For most of us this is a basic human need. Some will argue that, but there are lots of studies on how being lonely for extended periods does cause real harm.

I don't have any answers, though, because it is the story of my life.

 

[_Gollum_]

There are people who can live fulfilling lives alone, but they are few and far between. Most of us can't and it's an entirely valid reason to feel that your life is meaningless. We are social creatures in the deepest sense, such that we are biologically wired to generate ⋆˙⟡ happy chemicals ⋆˙⟡ in response to (wanted) touch. Those chemicals in turn make life a lot more bearable, especially by reducing stress.

 

[Forever Sleep]

It can be for some I think. Depends on the person. I actually feel a need to be alone. I don't much like being around other people. Not that I've always had bad experiences but, maybe I just remember them more! I think it was more the feeling of loss though, when close loved ones either died or moved away. I just got to a point where I thought the positives of knowing them maybe didn't outweigh the negatives of losing them.

I definitely think you need something to occupy most of your time though. For me, that was being creative. It just swallowed/ swallows up my time.

I feel like I am pretty abnormal though. Biological only child for one so- I got used to playing alone from an early age. It was a far bigger struggle to socialise. Then a childhood with a lot of (suspected) narcissistic bullying, which just made me want to hide- that's when I became obsessed with art. And it has been my maladjusted coping mechanism ever since. I've had friends, even best friends but, I think it swayed the other way then and, I became overly reliant on them. Enevitably, I worked out that I couldn't be too. It was too much to expect so, I reverted to isolating again. I suppose it just feels safer really.